Hi

I'm really sorry to hear of your loss - it is very, very difficult to come to terms with the loss of a parent (and lung Ca deaths are far from pleasant).

From my recent experience with my Dad (an ex-smoker) and his death from lung cancer, you most definitely made the right decision for him to turn off his respirator - at least you got to make that choice, no matter how hard it was for you. I only wish, with hindsight, that I and my brother could have done the same, rather than watch the end-stage disease.

We both can be sure that he has passed into a state where our Dad is free from pain and can admire him for how brave he was until very near the end. He inspired us both to look to the future, though it is with sadness that I remember his death.

It DOES get better - but you might need some proper support (don't just go for the counselling) from those who work and practise in end of life / hospice care - they are there to help those of us left behind.

My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2007, she passed away November 2008, the night before Thanksgiving. She was 64 years old and never smoked a day in her life. I am the fifth child of six sibblings. After hurricane Katrina we all relocated to different states, leaving my parents in Louisiana. I reside in Dallas, Tx, and was at work when I received a call from my sister saying that we needed to get to New Orleans as soon as possible. I watched my mother suffer for a week in the hospital before she passed away at the final stage. I am her baby girl and I'm only in my early thirties. It is very hard to accept the fact that she will never dance at my wedding or see my babies born. Life for me now is whatever, whatever. I feel that my mother was robbed of her life by this disease. I often get angry when I see people my age with their grandmothers and mothers, and my mother is gone, and was not very old. It is a shame that we spend millions of dollars on unnecessary things in this country and we can't find a cure to a disease that is claiming the lives of our loved ones.

On March 10th 2009 I arrived at my Mother's home in Murfreesboro, TN to witness the end of her life on this earth as a result of stage 4 lung cancer taking over her body. I was heart broken to see her weak, strunken nearly lifeless body knowing that I would soon be standing by her casket aching to have her back. At 9:49 PM my Mother Sandra Kay Brooks York went home to Heaven to the side of Jesus leaving me here to wonder how, when, why and what. How did it get so bad, when did it get so bad, why did it get so bad and what could I have done or why didn't I get there sooner but all the questions in the world won't bring her back. Before my Mother found out she had lung cancer I had quit smoking October of 2002 adding I've been told 10 years of my life for every year I don't smoke which makes me sick to think that my Mother could have done the same thing and chose to do so when it was too late. I plan in the future to remind people that cigarettes took my mother before she was in her 70s as she died at 61 years old. I know I will see her again but knowing she isn't around to talk to in those times I want to share exciting news or ask advise is hard to accept. The pain of losing her I don't think will ever go away and if it does the memory of losing her to lung cancer won't and that makes me angry, that a disease that could have been prevented by the decisions she made killed her and took away the only woman who ever loved me and encouraged me in the times I most needed encouragement. Now I am asking myself, "Where will I receive the encouragement when I need it when there is no woman in my life I am that close to, as close as I am my own Mother?" I have two siblings a sister and brother but not close to either one of them as I am the oldest of three. My Mother practically raised my daughter so my daughter considers my Mother her mother taking away my need where others in the family are concerned and projecting it on her leaving me feeling unloved and unwanted so the loss of my Mother includes isolation and abandoment with confusion and disownment as my Mother's daughter. I hate feeling like this and hope anyone with similar experiences contacts me with any advise and or encouragement as I continue on this emotional rollercoaster I am on.

my father was diagnosed with lung and bone cancer september 2005 and died october 2005. it was so sudden but watching him suffer in pain and agony for that one month felt like an eternity. my mom never got over the death him even though it's been almost 4 years. i still find her bursting into tears while she is cooking or working. i still find myself tearing up because although he wasn't my biological father, to me he was my daddy because he took me in with unconditional love.
in the hospital he had introduced me to the nurse as his daughter, something he had never done before. and the last thing he said to me before he had slipped into a coma was that he thought i was the most beautiful thing that he had ever seen. it really is the hardest thing i ever had to go through and i wish no one has to ever go through but it is an inevitable thing, to lose a loved one.My life has never or will ever be the same again, my family fell apart, he isn't going to be there to watch me graduate from high school or visit universities with me. although time has healed some of the pain, it still hurts.

Hello everyone, Lung cancer is the worse I think.I lost both of my parents to lung cancer.My dad had asbestoes he was a mechanic and it seems the break pads had asbestoes in them.My Mother followed him 8 years later.Both smoked and both quit but it was to late.I held my Mom in my arms as she took her last breath.From the day we found out she had lung cancer till she died it was 7 weeks.Savedxthegrace of God I do know how you are feeling.I blammed everyone for this I yelled at God and I beat myself up for 2 years over this.In the last 13 years I have lost both parents 2 uncles and 1 aunt to cancer.Heart disease. has claimed 2 aunts in the past 3 years.Hospice is a wonderful thing and for all who need to talk to someone about the loss of a loved one they are there for you.My Mothers lung cancer started in her left lung when she died it had sperad to her bones, her liver, her blood the other lung and her kidneys and finally her brain.It was devestating to watch this I loved her so much.

Hi everyone, My name is Jo, Im a 37year old mum of two. And.....well Im just so lost!!!!! My mum pasted away on 19th April 09 and Im just feeling worse as the days are going on.

My mum Lynn, was 55years old, 7 years ago she was diagnosed with breast cancer, she had a lumpectomy and radio therapy and she was given the all clear 18 months ago.
Christmas last year she started having bouts of her feet swelling up and she started loosing abit of weight, we took her numerous times to the doctor to which we were told that it was artheritis. After about 10 different lots of anti biotics that did nothing, we took her to our local A & E, where she was admitted for further tests. She had numerous test done and was told that she had lung cancer, to which she was devastated to say the least. The following 9 weeks consisted of her in and out of hospital, having her lung drained and managed to have ONE dose of chemotherepy....after that she was just too weak, her body started breaking down and she was just loosing so much weight.

Eventually the hospital said that they wanted her to go into a hospice to "build herself up for chemo" The doctors wouldnt really give me a streight answer, but I could see she was getting worse with my own eyes.

I was told by mums Macmillan nurse that they only thought she about 8 weeks, mum was in the hospice 1 week, I went in the morning on the Saturday and I just knew that this was it!!! Her breathing had changed, I asked for the doctor to examine her and she told me to expect it at any time....she was going away... they told mum what was happening and that they were going to put a driver into her arm. It was pure hell! mum just kept looking at me and we were both crying. I called all my family and all mums brothers and sisters(7 in total) they all came up to spend time with her. Myself, mums partner of 23 years, and 2 of my brothers spent that night with her just taking turns to hold her in our arms, talking to her all night.

On the Sunday morning mum deteriorated and the final breathing stage came. There were 18 people in the room and I had her in my arms, everyone was crying.....but I couldnt..she was just making that horrible noise and I didnt want her to be afraid, so I just talked and talked to her. Telling her how much we all loved her and that she wasnt alone.....after 45mins if this.....my beautiful most precious mum died in my arms. At this point...I collasped. Its 2 months on Sunday and Im feeling so lost and missing her more than I could ever put into words. She was my best friend. We used to spend most days together. Mum had me at the age of 16 and it was always us together!!!! People keep saying things like "things will feel better in time" and "at least she's not suffering" but I know these things are true. But Im just utterly devastated. My husband and children are great but I just feel like my insides are being ripped out. I just dont know what to do! Im on sleeping tablets, which help, but Im just sobbing all the time! Does enyone out there feel like this?? Jo xxxx

I know how each of you feel loosing a parent.I have lost both of mine and even though I can make it day to day now there will always be a emptyness and a spirit that will never be the same.I was such a momma's girl and when she died it took my life away from me.I agree with you angel7767 we send people to outer space and spend billions of dollars on programs in this country while we let cancer rob us of life.
jazzybay
jo when I read your post I cried because yes I have felt this way and what people are sayikng is true but it takes a long time to get to the point where the hurt is not as raw as now.With me after 3 years I started coming back a little but dont let anyone fool you it is never as it once was and people who say time will heal all wounds that is not true either the wounds will always be there but you learn to cope better dont rush yourself take time to greive and let God comfort you.If you need someone to talk, write me, I will be glad to talk with you
barbiegirl91:
yes your correct the pain is bad and I feel bad for you because your so young.My dad who passed away in March 95 adopted me when I was 09 and even though he was not my bio dad he was my dad.I could have never loved any dad as much as I did him.I miss him so much and it has been 14 years and I still miss him so much good luck to you and I hope in life his love and smiles to you guide you and help you through times where you will need him.

as for me I was not mad at my Mother I seen how she struggled to stay alive I was mad at God but I soon found out God is in control now and forever.However I did get mad at my Dad because I lived in another state and visited as often as I could but I was not there when he passed but the next day when I arrived I seen my Mothers face and it was a sadness I had never seen before I seen her cry and stare into space she loved him so much so I got mad at my Dad for leaving her.How silly I was.When my Dad passed away I was 38 and when my Mother passed away I was 45.I still hurt so deep and find myself looking at the pictures and remembering each snapshot and how happy everyone was.But we do learn to cope with day to day life again and remember the happy times and not the sickness so much.To each of you who hurt and cant see past today just give yourself some more time and you will be better....never the same as you once were but better God Bless You All