looking for support

It seems as though most of us are here for the same reason; to talk about, ask about and get advice about various EDs.

And yes, that's why I'm here too.

For a couple of years now, I've been starving myself, but not on purpose. It started when I was 16 and I met my boyfriend-at-the-time. He was looking at girls who looked nothing like me, and all I ever wanted was for him to look at me that way. He never did. He was over protective and extremely jealous (I have no idea what so ever why I stayed with him). I was so caught up in my chase for his attention that I forgot to take care of my body.

When I was 17 the teachers sent me to the school nurse, my weight had then dropped to 43 kg (94.7 lbs). I am 163 cm tall (5' 4") and very petite to begin with, so I nor my mum ever saw anything. And I never thought about it, as I had no appetite at all.

Not until I broke up with this guy and got together with a new one, it changed. The new guy got me into climbing and as I started to work out more; I ate more. I gained 7 kg in 2 months and all was well.

Until now. I broke up with the new guy as well, and I kept on working out for a couple of months, then I moved from home and was so caught up in packing and stuff that I couldn't find the time to go climbing. I've got time for it now, but still I don't go work out.

And living by yourself this early in life (I'm 20) means that money could be a scarcity, I very rarely eat properly. I usually skip breakfast, I'd rather sleep longer in the mornings. I have lunch, but never very much (money, yet again) and I never take the time to make dinner.

I'm just no longer hungry, and I keep fainting all the time.

I don't have a scale in my apartment so I have no clue how much I weigh at the moment, but I'm too scared to find out.

There is no one near me I can talk to. All my friends are a little plump and adores my body. They keep telling me they want a body like mine, and are jealous of me because size 4 is too big.

The only one I've got just moved to Paris.

There must be a million people here that feel just like I do. I don't want to call myself anorectic, as I don't see myself as fat nor am I -trying- to loose weight, yet I keep loosing.

Has anyone a tip for how to get out of it? I don't want answers like; "it's all in your head" or "just set your mind on it" or "just eat", but it feels like you're not the kind of people who would do that.

I'm grateful for any reply I can get, whether it's a tip or just a "I know how you feel" (the latter is very appreciated).

Thanks for your time,
E