Hi, everybody. This is my first post here so I'd just like to introduce myself.

I've been struggling with depression for the past 7 years-- starting at the age of 17. It started after a quick shift in my consciousness and mentality led me from being a devout Christian to being an atheist in a very short period of time. The transition was just so fast, it was hard to cope with internally. Nothing major happened to cause this shift. I just started asking questions and being honest with myself about the answers. I couldn't find truth in my faith.

The transition was even tougher socially. When people watch you change so much so quickly, they don't know how to respond. And I'm from the south, so most responses were very negative and judgmental. I felt isolated and alone. My friends and I grew apart and it just snowballed.

About a year after this all started, I worked up the courage to ask a girl out. I had known this girl for quite a while and always viewed her as out of my league; but for some reason, we hit it off and started dating. In the spirit of keeping this as brief as it can be, I'll just say that this two year relationship was very turbulent. I latched on to her as something to relieve my depression-- I never really cared about her or what she wanted-- only how she could best serve my needs. So there was a lot of conflict throughout the relationship and she cheated several times before she left me for somebody else. I was completely crushed.

Before all of this started, I seemed to have a bright future ahead of me. I made good grades, I was the star pitcher for the high school baseball team, girls loved me. Now it seems that success is a thing of the past for me. Like the best days of my life are behind me.

I haven't been able to keep a steady job and I live at home with my mom and dad. I feel no motivation to accomplish anything. I don't even know how to communicate with other people now. In social situations, I feel awkward and sometimes panic. This never happened until I became depressed.

I'm here because I am sick of being a failure in the eyes of my loved ones and peers. My parents love me very much and they will support me for as long as they need to-- and I'm grateful for that-- but they shouldn't have to. It tears my heart out that they're being deprived of watching their son blossom into a successful young man. I just can't find any passion for anything.

So I have nothing and nobody outside of my immediate family and there's no end in sight. I'm caught up in a self reinforcing cycle that I don't know how to break. I don't even care about sex any more.

I guess that gives you a decent snapshot of what I'm going through, but I do have one question before I end this post:

In my normal dealings with other people, I am very cold. I show almost no emotion. And I feel almost no emotion. However, when I watch movies or dramatic shows on TV, it seems like I become hypersensitive. If anything remotely emotional transpires on the screen, I cry. Does anybody else get this?

Anyway, thanks for reading. I look forward to talking to you all.


-Brian