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Long time boyfriend likes to masterbate/watch porn more then sex (Page 1)

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This is the first time I have ever done anything like this and im sure if he found out I would have an earful to endure, but, I am feeling really alone and have no one to go to about this matter.ok.. so I have been with this guy(living together) for almost 2 years. we have know each other for ever. I even lost my virginity to him when I was 16 I am now 25.I had just left a man I was with for 6 years and I didnt’t care what he did when it came to sex or masturbation.. Me and the man im with now started this relationship very in love and our sex life was very strong in every department of intimacy. The past few months it has been really distant. I keep track of how much we do it and since before I started heavy hinting that I am not satisfied we actually went a month. Now, ill be very lucky o get it once a week and when I do I feel like he’s throwing be a bone to shut me up. He knows I do not like porn in this relationship. I feel as though its cheating at this point. It woulwouldntnd didn’tdidnther me as much when our sex life was more healthy but in the state it is in, and in the way I feel about it, I feel like its cheating. All the feelings that go along with being cheated on I feel to a certain degree. If a guy is getting off to another women and not you isn’t thisntcheating? I thought in a relationship a big part of it is intimacy with that person only. I don’t know if im being immature about it but all I know is that im a fairly strong women and if this is severely effecting me there has got to be something wrong. To the men out there I would love to know what you think about this. Is this a natural thing to do after 2 years? Even if your women was 125lb a nice b cup 5’6 and a pretty face and a personality your supposedly in love with? I’m not going to be cocky but I feel more attractive then half the girls on the porn. Do you think he has an addiction to porn? I think has doing it everyday after I leave for work and maybe even in the shower when imp home. What’s going on in his head? He knows I hate it but I cant discuss it to much because it causes an argument and im afraid to say the severity of it. I almost want to leave him because of it. I also have developed a sever jealousy issue with his past girlfriends. Even though he doesn’t talk to them I have obsessive thoughts wondering about there sex life and wondering if he preferred them over me ext.crazy I know.but like never in my life i want to have sex/make love softly hard what ever the mood calls for and i would think my man should also feel the same if not more. i need to be dessired.i mean the desired outfit,pretsexyiestke up,the most obviouse hints arnt obviousshouldnt i worry? And to the women who are in my same boat.. Does this not bother you so deeply it hurts the inner core of your being? And if so how are you dealing? I really love him and don’t want to leave him, but I have become upsets with this issue and I don’t know what to do. I want to know everything there is to know n why he does this, the most inner thoughts of men and porn, and also what to do think ext. please help.
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First Helper W0LF
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replied February 24th, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
-He- is watching too much porn and masturbating. -He- may be addicted. -I- have an issue with pornography. -I- am jealous of his exes. I don't think I heard the words We, ours, togather, or us once in all of that. If you make your relationship an game of who's fault is it, you will lose that game every time. When one of you has a problem both of you need to solve it, that's the whole point of a relationship, sharing the work.

His pornography and masturbation cannot be your issue. It is not acceptable for you to be made insecure, or for him to be victimised by an inanimate object. You're not jealous of his computer chair but it sounds like he spends more time with it than you. How could pornography somehow be different? Pornography is a scapegoat dealing with the real issues of intimacy in your relationship. There is no excuse for you to be jealous of his Ex girlfriends if they aren't connected to his life anymore. If you cannot martial your self esteem and be realistic about what is and is not a rational threat to your relationship then you need to speak with a health professional about this problem.

What is a real problem for you is that your needs are not being met in the relationship and your partner is not concerned about correcting this problem. If you have allready had a discussion with him about why things are not as they once were and his answers are not satisfactory then you need to make it clear that you are not satisfied with things as they stand and that he can either work with you to solve the problem of your sexual needs not being met or you will find that solution without him. Either way you need to stop waiting for him to correct this problem on his own.
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Users who thank W0LF for this post: truthhurts84 

replied February 26th, 2010
A man here. W0LF's advice is very good.

Is there anything going on in the relationship that he wants to distant himself from you?

As a man I never compare my wife's body and the porn women's body. I think he has a problem with porn and if you can't talk about it face to face write a letter to him and spell out that you have needs too and if you can't work things out that it IS leading to a breakup. Tell him that you want to take over all his sex needs and that he can depend on you for them (as long as you two are not arguing, he's got to meet your needs too). Tell him I love you and can he please try not masturbating for a month and to tell you when he is feeling like masturbating and we will make love. Ask him to tell you if masturbating to porn is better then making love to you and that he needs to tell you no matter how much it hurts. Tell him that you are a normal women and that if he gets another women he will still have problems (and for what I can tell, probably more problems than you). Tell him love making is better than the easy way out (it is better when you have to work at it). Tell him to write his answer down in reply.

Two years normal? Well it could be he wants and needs (like most men) variety. Do you have sex in bed with the lights out every time?

Ask him what some of his fantasies are and tell him you are willing to work with him on them. Does he like it in the shower? Does he like it in the car? Does he like it with the lights on (this is a big one for a man's visual needs)? French maid outfit?

I have an addiction to porn I want to stop (it has been a month since I stopped) and in all the time I used porn, I would way rather make love to my wife then to masturbate (we seem to only have it once a month). So he seems a lot different than I am. One thing that porn did to me is teach me the wrong things about normal women. I had no idea cleaning the house was foreplay. Women in porn moan to show they like it.

I don't think he realizes how much it hurts you or that it would hurt any normal women.
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Users who thank Mot6502 for this post: truthhurts84 

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replied February 26th, 2010
thank both of you guys for replying honestly. mot6502- i think i would meet any mans fantisy to be honest and not to be cocky..i am open to do it bascicly any way.yes the lights are on most of the time and yes i invite him in the shower often. he is very honset to me about what he likes and i think that almost made my obsession worse.we do have ALOT of stress in our life not our realashionship per say.we love eachouther very much and only fight over seriouse things. we recently did argue about this. i wasnt planning on even bringing it up. i was really goin to continue trying to deal but he started on me about something kinda realated and i blurted out mybe if you didnt masterbate so much we would have alot more sex..i regreted the way it started but at the same time he fully is awre with my problem now. he is not happy that i have such harsh feelings about porn. i dont know if he understands that its not that i NEVER want him to watch it but if im feeling negected and that i almost feel like hes mentally cheating on me atthis point cuz of how un often its done and im always wanting the intamacy. im not a freak or anything iv never been this way for any guy before,i just desire the intamcy with him no matter how crappy the day has been or the probs in our life the intamcy always makes me feel better. i need to understand that he may not feel the same. the thing is..if he can do it to porn he should be able to with me.he did tell me that the real thing with me is better then porn..and that he hasnt been watching it..he says he distanced himself from me after i put the spyware on the computer and started snopping around. i would never have done any of those things if i already wasnt haveing a hard time. it really isnt me to invade someones privecy and i admited to him that this was really driving me crazy and i feel like half the problem is mine.he told me the way im imagining him watching porn is way off that its real quick and half the time if he does it at all ots real fast in the shower to eliminate anziety. i know hes partly telling the truth but not compleatly.i really dont want him to do it at all. i know thats prob wrong of me to want..but i cant help it. i really dont want him getting off to thoughts,images,ext on other women. i dont know if anything is going to change after oyr argument. i know he knows how seriouse it is for me at this point. WOLF- he told me he once had a problem with it but he has over come that esp now that he has me(someone he finds attractive) he sayed he had a sock and if he still had a problem he would have to have somethign that i would find with his come in it.(sorry to be so vulger) is this the truth? i know the ex girlfriend thing is my problem. its really redic and i know i have to overcome the issue.
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replied February 26th, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
Yeah, spying on your partner is a huge problem honey. There's a lot more going on this relationship than porn and masturbation. I'm not saying that this is all on you but if you want this relationship to work you're going to need help for your insecurity and the two of you are going to likely need to get help finding a neutral ground. You may want to consider relationship counseling.
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Users who thank W0LF for this post: truthhurts84 

replied February 27th, 2010
Trust and Understanding
Please trust what he tells you is true. He does not seem that bad now. Stress can actually release toxins into our bodies. You and I have the same problem. My wife is under a lot of stress. Last night she had a headache and I just gave her a back rub and rubbed her temples. My body wants sex but I know asking and demanding sex is only going to add to her stress. In the end she went to sleep. Yes my body is neglected and my feeling are hurt a little but I understand what she is going though and we will have other opportunities to make love.
I will tell her I need to have sex before she leaves town again in a loving way.

Nothing says I trust and understanding like "spyware". You made a mistake that pushed him away. Take the spyware off. Tell him you�re sorry and that you know now that you can't control what he does. (I could use a swim suit catalog or nothing and it would all be over in 5 minutes.)

Stress
Try helping him with his stress. If it is work stress, tell him he can vent by tell you about it, if he wants to. If it is at home money, marriage, kids, birth control, etc. understand his fear and tell him yours. Don't add to the stress by saying "everything will be ok".

Sex is one more thing that he thinks is adding to his stress. So you need to make it as stress free as possible! How would you feel if he has an organism and losses his erection before you get to have one? If this is ok with you, you need to tell him. Tell him how to make it up to you; like do you like oral sex (if this doesn�t add to his stress), him masturbating you, him getting you a card, him making you breakfast. Can you replace the sock without feeling used? Tell him! If it is enough that you see and feel him organism Tell him!

Give him guidelines, "love, I know you are stressed but I feel neglected can you please make love to me once per week? And I will leave you alone and trust you." Maybe setup every Saturday night. Discuss menstruation, if you and/or he don�t want to during it.

Maybe get together with your friends more often.

Hope this helps.
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replied February 28th, 2010
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I wonder how my husband would like it if I looked at well hung men at night on the computer....Then add some hot babes playing with them....Then when I was in the height of lust run to him and tell him to get it up...I need it now...No foreplay on you...Just hot sex....Only then would he know how some women feel being the recipient of a man's lust after watching Porn....
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replied February 28th, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
CarolineEF wrote:
I wonder how my husband would like it if I looked at well hung men at night on the computer....Then add some hot babes playing with them....Then when I was in the height of lust run to him and tell him to get it up...I need it now...No foreplay on you...Just hot sex....Only then would he know how some women feel being the recipient of a man's lust after watching Porn....


My assumption based on the wonderful things you've told me about your husband is that he'd be loving and nurture your attraction to him by communicating that he needs a bit of foreplay to get him going weather he's currently interrested in sex with you or not. I have to doubt that you'd accomodate his request because you love him madly and have amazing respect for him as you state consistently in this forum. If your husband is like most men he'd probably feel nothing short of flatterred that you became aroused and your immediate reaction was to come to him because you assosiate him with sex. Regardless of his understanding of technology he'd likely understand on some level that the porn you were browsing was a series of 1's and 0's and in no way a threat to his relationship or his sexuality, but rather a font of arousal for the passionate woman he has been blessed with.

I don't pretend that men and women don't experience sex differently, but certainly they experience both reality and love the same way. Making an enemy of pornography, no matter how you define your ethics or beliefs in psychology is allways making an enemy you don't need. Talk to your partner about these problems, concentrate on fairness and how needs are met in the relationship. My mother used to tell me that you can turn problems in a relationship into solutions, or you can turn them into grudges. Back then I didn't even realize that the second one was really a choice.
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replied March 2nd, 2010
CarolineEF i do understand what you are saying! i dont know what it is but it really gets under my skin to. in the early days i use to do that with him to make him happy. yea i guess i was more secure about how he felt about me so that may play a part in it but i really had a change in feelings when i felt as though he was doing me and watching the porn! im just not ok with it. he supose to be turned on by me! why even have me there at all then?
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replied March 2nd, 2010
Mot6502 i understand what you are saying. i am very stressed at times and need my distance just like everyone else. But why should we have to ask for sex? he does do many sweet things that make me feel good about the relashionship but sometimes just like you mentioned my body needs it for some reason.he is the one who opened my eyes to that being a big thing for men so i would think he could understand. for instance, i was up ALL night last night because of it and hints get me no ware. i dont want to force anything on him. what is the point? i want to be wanted. and dont want it if hes doing it for any other reason then wanting me in what ever way he desires. and yes i am totally okay if he "goes" before i and thats that. i am just as satisfied either way but he has "control" on when he goes most of the time... what ever that means.every once in a wile he will do the oral in the shower and i can tell its when hes not in the mood for love making or for what ever reason but i like to give and receive i rarely go that way for some reason and im always left feeling like i need it even more then when we started.the menstratinon thing isnt a problem we have that worked out for the most part.i try to be very sensitive to the stress issues believe me i am beyond stressed as well it just does not effect my sex drive. if anything i like to feel the comfort and its the only time i get some mental relief.my thing is...okay your a man i understand you need to masturbate every so often.. but when i feel like the tv reflecton gets more action then me it makes me ? things. plus i know from his past hes a very intimate guy. ware did it suddenly go? he 29 years old and fully functional. i know he has insecurity problems at this time and says when he feels more like himself he will be able to offer more all together. but at the same time he tells me how since he quit certian things i cant mention..his tatosterone has gone up and hes going to need it more and how getting an erection will never be a problem for him im sitting there with???? all around me.i know that our bed is a problem as well. we sleep on a futone and its kind of broke and not very level,he says thats a part of the problem. he also really wants me to watch porn with him. like i stated above i use to do this but i started to ? why this needed to be on and felt like he was looking at it more then me.hes really mad at me for feeling all these ways but its really coming from my deep love for him. if i didnt care then none of this would bother me.i know everybodys different and some girls are fine with all of my issues and then some but with him im not. and only with him. i didnt care less what my ex did. to be honest the roles were reversed.i dont like being this way. i wish i felt different. i did take the spyware off(though it kills me to do so lol) and i did explain why i have been feeling these ways(only led to argument and made it worse)gosh if he seen these post i wouldnt know what to do..but i need to talk to someone. i really dont want to go to get proffesional help on this.i just wish i could understand what truly is going on.
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replied March 2nd, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
truthhurts84 wrote:
he also really wants me to watch porn with him. like i stated above i use to do this but i started to ? why this needed to be on and felt like he was looking at it more then me.hes really mad at me for feeling all these ways but its really coming from my deep love for him. if i didnt care then none of this would bother me..


Do you really think it's a deep love for him that's the reason you feel insecure and frustrated? Really think about what you know about love and ask yourself if that makes any sense. Like I said before I really think you need some help with your insecurity. It doesn't have to be a couch and some old guy scribbling in a notebook. Therapy is a very comfortable and organic process, even a support group can help you grasp what's going on but this insecurity you're feeling is making you miserable. If it were and difference of opinions I would absolutely say it was a matter to be negotiated between you two. But your describing a man who's reaching out to include you in this part of his life and you're not able to accept it. The jealousy of girls that aren't in his life, the spyware, I know you understand this is getting out of control. The longer you put off doing something decisive about what you're feeling, the deeper of a hole you're going to have to dig yourself out of.
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replied March 2nd, 2010
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When a man is doing you and either watching Porn or has just left it, his mind is on the woman he just saw....You are there for his climax...She was there and got his foreplay....Not physical foreplay, but his mind worked her body....Very frankly, I couldn't stand to be second best....One day about three years ago which was one of the three times we watched Porn, we ended up on the floor of the family room having sex...It was quite an experience...No foreplay, just hot penetration...The one thing I discovered during this happening was that he couldn't take his eyes off the hot babe in front of us...I looked, but mostly at his expression....He was with her and not with me...Porn destroys the erotic sexual lust between two people during love making...How can you compete with a young body with perfect boobs?...How can you spread your legs and be as inviting...This is not a case of insecurity or any other bull ****....It is a case of right and wrong that men or an addicted person tries to make right...As for me, I get sick of it...But then I have a very happy, lustful, sexual life and suffer no addiction....It is the person that is addicted that pushes it...Either that or they have money in the stock....As far as understanding what is going on, he is changing in front of your eyes...Maybe, just maybe Tiger could tell a tale like this...Only he had the money and could do what he wanted...No excuses, just it is OK...Now out to lunch with my lover....Take care...

Caroline
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replied March 2nd, 2010
Again W0LF is very good here too. I can only guess, from the little bit of what you tell me, about what is going on in his mind and it is one sided and I don't get his side of it, therefore I maybe very off. This is what W0LF is getting at when she wants you to go a counselor. A counselor can get his side of the story and tell him what he is lying to himself about.

I know if I could talk to him I would tell him that porn is a lie, it is total child's fantasy. I can't talk to him and even if you said this to him, he would think "what does she know about it?". I would tell him: he should only have orgasms with you and preferably inside you, even if you don't get to do it. I still think he does not understand (hell I don't understand) that you do not need an orgasm! I feel less of a man if my wife doesn't get to do it. I still feel guilty from the last time this happened! Make him understand that you don't (for some reason) feel used.

Men have a little factory that ramp up production when we masturbate three+ times a day and it hurts to go with less but eventfully he will get into sync with you and then it will be ok.

The best you can do without going to a counselor is tell him how you feel about sex/porn and then tell him your ideas of a normal sex life and what you need and tell him not to lie to himself that it doesn't effect his normal sex life and then lowing your standards for him and if that is not good enough consider moving on with your life.

Never ever put porn on in the bed room with you! He does not know what that does to a normal women. My wife caught me with porn once and the next time we had sex, she thought I was thinking of porn women and she stop and said this is not loving and I told her I was trying not to do it first and I got up and got away from her and was crying, I really thought she doesn't understand me sexually and my needs for it and was ready for a divorce right then and there but she came to me and said we really need to talk about this. We talked I told her about holding back for her and she told me how she thought I was thinking of porn and not her. We actually completed the act with more love in it then before.

Watching porn made me want more and more sex and abnormal sex. I thought my wife doesn't love me because she never initiates sex, she doesn't "have to have it". But this is not helping you.

It could be he is afraid of commitment. Have you been saying "If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it"? Point is I don't know.

I do think he is putting things off "he feels more like himself he will be able to offer more all together".

My hart is with you. (Now call my wife and tell her to invite me into the shower once a year. Point is this is what I should do, but I'm too scared that she will think I'm a big jerk/pervert for asking.)
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replied March 2nd, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
Good lord people. This is not a communist plot. Porn is not animate, it is not out to get your man and if you cannot compete with a flat, non-interactive representation of a woman then your self-esteem is not low, you're simply too shallow to feel good about yourself. When you first met your man he masturbated to porn, more likely than not, more than he does now. So the man you fell in love with did this and it was not an issue for you. Now that communication is breaking down in the relationship and intimacy is suffering you somehow assume that something that has been there ALL ALONG is a culprit. This is textbook transference. The vile woman in those pornos that is stealing the sex you should be having is nothing more than the manifestation of your perceived failings in making your relationship work, and your resignation to be helpless rather than take control is your way of punishing yourself for those failings. Get out of your head, stop scapegoating problems in your relationship on inanimate objects and do the work you should be doing to make things right between you two.

The notion that you shouldn't have to initiate sex because you're a little girl is a sign of why your sex life is falling apart. Putting all the onus of responsibility to make sex work in the relationship on the man is more work that he is forced to do to make the relationship work in addition to the other responsibilities that are traditionally put on the man. Especially in a time when men are constantly bombarded with messages of their own inadequacy this is a recipe for disaster in your union. Take some damned responsibility for your own sexual needs and act like a damned adult. If you want food ask for food, if you want sex ask for sex.

And to be clear, while I think couples counseling is often helpful what I am talking about is truthhurts84 working on her own, with someone educated in the functions of the human mind, to understand why she is beating herself up and how she can prevent that from happening. That needs to happen first before she can approach this problem with the strength to work things out.
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replied March 2nd, 2010
i know this is probly a little late to state my inpute but i had a boyfriend that would masterbate every night and then he tried to get me in to it ... i am not saying to start doing it with him... but our relationship didn't last long because of it! yalls relationship is sexually based and yu claim to be pretty and sadly that might b wat he was in for thinking it was love. a sexual relationship is never a healthy one. i know that sounds high school but its true! maybe yall should try diffrent ppl and c if yall can b friends and maybe yall will find out if its suppose to work out or not!
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replied March 3rd, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
Sexual relationships are normally healthy as long as both partners understand the context of the relationship. However I don't agree that that's really the issue here. Neither truthhurts84 or her boyfriend seem to be getting the sex they'd like to. I doubt they'd still be togather if their union wasn't pretty robust.
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replied March 3rd, 2010
Homework time, hay I don’t want those dirty looks truthhurts84! This is due sometime this week. Before you or he leaves in the morning, I want you to get a piece of yarn and tie it around his whole package.
When he asks "what are you doing?"
You: I'm putting in an order with the factory, I need a present.
Him: ok?
You: oh and (pock your finger in his chest for each word) it better be a BIG present.
Then leave.
Then latter call him up
You: how is my present, will the factory be able to deliver tonight?
Him: cut it out.
You: what you don’t think your guys can deliver?
Him: I am at work!
You: Oh and I have a special address. If they make a mistake and deliver to the wrong address I will fire them. Make sure they deliver on-time, bye.
------
Latter at home:
You: Did your guys produce the present I requested?
Checkout his package
If the yarn is still on him:
You: I see the order is still in place are they ready?
If the yarn is gone: grab his testicles and
You: Did they deliver my order to some one else?
And so on...

In bed:
You: can you tell your delivery man to put some cloths on?
When it goes in...
You: Oh your (aahh) delivery man is soooo bbbbbiiiigggg!

Stop in the middle and have him stop.

You: wait I have to rearrange the furniture to make room for this present I can tell.

Well you get the picture. Have fun with it.
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replied March 3rd, 2010
Community Volunteer
I don't often jump on the porn-hating bandwagon because I have no issues with it (meaning hubby don't look, unless he is out to sea, which then he does need it Razz) But, while I generally wouldn't disagree with you WOLF (you have good insight), I do need to disagree with you on the subject of porn. When a woman knows her partner is doing porn more than her, she cannot help but feel a little angry at the whole situation, porn included. If it weren't for that website or that magazine, or whatever, maybe things would be fine...that is how we rationalize. We don't like blaming our partners, we like giving them the benefit of the doubt, and often this includes making excuses for them, such as, "He is only a man, this is in his nature" or, "It's not his fault, she is attractive". But snapping back to reality, it is his fault. He chose to watch it. And we as partners, spouses, lovers, whatever, have every frickin right to be ticked if our SO is choosing his little hobby over us. And if we bring it up, we get called insecure or prude or whatever. Basically a huge (pardon the vulgarity) cockblock. There should be no excuses when it comes to the real thing versus laptop or magazine reality. But sadly there is. And we, as women, no matter what we do, be it ignore or bring it up, suffer. I understand a man has needs, needs to get off by himself every once in awhile, yadayada, etc. But if my needs were ever to go ignored because he felt his needs were more important, you better bet that I would bring it up and if called insecure or prude, I'd be out that door faster than he could type another keystroke.

My point is, porn to some, is more than 1's and 0's. And us women don't often make porn our problem, our SO makes it our problem by ignoring our needs. So, while he may be at fault, his little hobby is not entirely innocent either. Ever heard the saying, "There cannot be temptation without guilty pleasure"? If porn did not exist, would there be a problem with it? No. There might indeed be other problems, but such is life.
My problem with the whole porn debate is when the SO of someone makes the porn he/she watches or is addicted to, the problem of his/her partner as well. And it does happen. I just wish people would stop using the old excuses that we must be insecure or prude or "porn isn't real" to defend their stance. Because, in reality, most of us women are not insecure, are not prude, and realize no way in dante's inferno would he ever realistically have sex with the woman he is watching right now on the pc. But, sadly porn does become reality for some people. And just like any other addiction, be it drugs, sex, alcohol, gaming, etc, hurts not only the person suffering from the addiction, but close relatives, family, and friends also suffer.
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Users who thank motherofhighspiritedones for this post: truthhurts84 

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replied March 3rd, 2010
Community Volunteer
Only when a woman has been to heaven in a man's arms can she equate with what these women are saying...They are sexually starving and not being feed...Even the few times that they have been feed some scraps were bland food...They were not the delicacies that they were used to dining on...Until man can understand this statement and try to go to that place within a woman that needs sexual filling and contentment, he will watch Porn....It isn't an upper that he is looking for....It's an addiction, only he can't say the word....Take care...

Caroline
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replied March 4th, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
Christ on a pogo stick Caroline! Did you just say that men don't understand sexual frustration? I've heard some pretty sexist stuff come out of your keyboard but usually it's at least sterotypically correct.

I'm not interrested in a morality of pornography discussion. At the root of why folks are having so much trouble with pornography in their relationships is that there is no easy answer to wheather Porn is good or evil. If you don't like porn fine, don't like it, but acknowledge that your dislike, something that your partner cannot assist you in dealing with, and something that as an adult you must deal with on your own. Solving your dislike of pornography isn't a solution for your needs not being met. Failure of intimacy is a problem that both partners share and it is a problem that both partners can contribute to solving. Working to reclaim sex is something that benifits both you and your partner. I don't even understand how there's confusion over which is the problem that most needs to be dealt with.
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