Long post, but I could really use the help
Just an fyi to the long post, I'm being as thorough and accurate as possible to try to get the best advice that I can. Her age is 22, mine is 25.
First, some important notes. We dated two months after she broke up with her last ex. My initial thought was that I was a rebound, but based upon what she has told me both during and after the relationship, and my own feelings on the matter, I don't believe I was subject to a rebound.
Second, our relationship lasted just under two months before she broke it off. Most of the threads I have read seem to show longer relationships and trying to get back with their ex. Time, means nothing to me because of what I went through during our relationship, made the bond I felt with her stronger.
The story: We dated a couple of weeks before we made it official. We have known each other from past college classes together. During this time, I was extremely patient, telling her that we didn't need to rush into anything, and only had to go official when she was ready. She brought it up to me when she felt ready, and we were crazy about each other. Shortly after that, I got hit with mono (not from her believe it or not), and it got bad enough where I had to be taken to the ER, had to have my tonsils lanced twice, then later had my tonsils removed. Through the whole ideal, my ex was by my side without me ever asking, telling me that she loved me and everything would be ok. She did start to become a little distant at this point in time, as I recovered from my tonsils being taken out. She would continue to say, as she always said, that she thought I was perfect as she would ever find, and how lucky she was, and how she felt it was almost fate we came together. She was never turned off by my sickness because we both have weird stupid physical health issues, and even when I was sick, I would help take care of her also. We spent ton of time together, and maybe that was part of the problem.
Eventually though, despite our incredible chemistry, she admiited to having feelings for her previous ex. Thought the relationship, I found it weird that she didn't want to tell her ex about us because she knew it would upset him. Her having feelings for him revealed why. She initially wanted to break it off because she didn't think it was fair to me that she loved two people, but I couldn't stand the thought of losing her and told her I would deal with it, as long as she loved me and could work through it with me. She said she did, and asked me to come over, where she would go onto say how she almost screwed up our relationship already (a fear she constantly worried about even before).
A few days later, she broke up with me, that despite that she insisted only days before that she greatly loved me, no matter how she felt about her ex, she said she no longer cared for me in that regard. She also said that she wanted complete freedom, and being in a relationship wouldn't give her that. I asked if there was anything wrong with me that caused the break up, and she said I wasn't confident enough (granted, we both understood that being so sick for so long can take its tole mentally on somebody, but she want patient enough to wait for me to fully recover), and that she hated how I used my baby voice with her sometimes (ok guilty, but I didnt even realize I did it half the time, nor was it ever brought up until that point). She then said there was little reason of me causing the breakup, if at all, and that it was all about her being selfish (her words) by choosing herself over us being happy together.
The next day (this part is a little fuzzy for me, so I do apoloigize), I texted her with some questions. She admitted she still loved me, and that it wasnt that im not the right man for her, but that she needed freedom to do whatever made her happy, even for a short while. She said she wanted to start off on square one again with me, but thought she blew any
chance of us being together again because I previously stated that I couldn't go backwords. Obviously, I corrected myself and said I would be willing to that to be with her. She said them that she never lied when she thought I was nearly perfect, that if she was ready to be in a relationship, "rest assured, it would be with me" and felt like we were meant to be together.
Over the next four-five days, she sent me a single text about a show we watched together and how she wanted to know when I got the third season. And she also replied to a facebook status. About a week after the break up, I started a casual text conversation with her. Towards the end, I asked what we were doing, starting from square one or not. She said yes, but that we would only date each other to enjoy each others company, free to date other people (huge blow to my heart when I read that). I took my time to respond, and said it would all depend on how she felt about me, if she still saw a future of us together, etc. I didn't get a response
The next day, after being in a near panic state, I finally got a hold of her via another text and asked if she had an answer for me. She didn't know what I was talking about, so I asked again what I previously asked. She said she wants freedom first and foremost. If she and I were to happen sometime later, then we would happen. But based on how I my question was, she wondered if we should date at all right now (which I secretly was thinking myself, because it seemed like a terrible position to put myself into). She said if that she was going to be in another committed relationship, that it would probably be me. Additionally, that now was not the right time for us. I responded by saying that I knew I was fully capable of moving on (a slight exaguration, but I wanted to seem confident to her), that I could date other woman, and be a great catch for somebody. But, as I told her, that's not what I wanted to do, I wanted to be with her. And if dating her while she dated whoever was my best chance of being with her, I would do that, or at least attempt to. If giving her space was the best chance, I would do that as well. I told her that there were serveral things I need to do to improve myself, but I was confident that I would do so. But during this time, I said I can't guarantee I can wait for her because it would be too hard. Her response to that, was that if I found somebody else, she would be happy for me. She couldn't say when she would be ready to commit, and wouldn't expect me to wait around. She said we should probably wait a while to start dating again, or at least until I started seeing somebody else myself so it wouldn't be so weird (the most obvious sign she was already dating somebody, barely even a week after we broke up, this was a huge fact for me to swollow). But, as she said, she doesn't want to get hung up on me when she isn't ready to commit. She wanted the timing to be perfect between us "if" we try again. I went on to say that I wish things could have been different, that we started talking when we were both ready to commit to each other. I told her I wanted her to be happy, and I hope she didn't forget her feelings towards me whenever she was done with the dating game. Her final response, she said she would never forget me. She said "You're my soul mate, as far as I can tell anyway." She just wanted things to work "when" (I look at the littliest details obviously, it changed from an if to a when, could of just been type, but who knows) when we get together. She didn't think she could handle it getting back together again only for us to seperate again. I agreed.
OK, this is where you all come in: It has now been four days since that conversation. I have heard nothing from her, no facebook, no text, no phone calls. I haven't done the same either. I'm applying the no contact rule, as I have done a lot of reading to see what I can do to improve my situation. I'm getting my life together, even telling my work that I need to stop working their full time so I can continue towards my bachelors education. I work out 6 days a week, this being the second week since I've been back to the gym. I built a new computer, whatever I can think of to get my mind off her. Am I doing the right thing by applying the no contact rule, should I even hold out any hope that things will blossom again? I'm not ready to date again, nor do I want to. I would be willing to start it off slow with her again, but only if she agreed for it to be just me. But none of that kind of thought matters if she decides not to send me a text or anything. I know that the no contact rule can sometimes take 1-2 months (seems about the average). What do you all think I should do? Thanks to all of those who got through the whole thing. This has been an incredibly trying time for me.
first i wanna say that i read it all and i can sorta understand the situation your in. but after reading ALL of what you wrote i want to say something and dont take this the wrong way. what the eff are you thinking? i know what it feels like to love someone who really doesnt have the same feelings for you and it sucks. but the thing you need to realize is that by "waiting around" for her, its just hurting you. i know that when you want a girl, that she's the only one you want. BUT when she doesnt feel the same way for you then you need to just try and move on and find someone else. i feel like this girl is playing you becuase if she really feels like your her soulmate then she would do whatever she could to not let you slip away. and even if she wasnt ready for a "relationship", she would still try and take things slow with YOU, and she wouldnt need to see other guys. i think what she wants is for you to be her backup guy while she dates other people and thats not fair to you. you need to realize that your a man and that you dont need to be treated like that. sometimes a girl will come along in your life and you feel like shes the perfect girl, but if she doesnt show the same feelings for you then your setting yourself up to get hurt. and by sticking around and telling her that you'll wait for her to be ready, its kinda showing her that she can treat you however she wants and you'll always be there for her. that just gives her the control and in a relationship there shouldnt be one person "controlling" the other. i hope that makes sense and i know if you truly have feelings for her that letting her go will be hard but at this point it seems like thats what you need to do. if theres any updates though let me know. send me a pm and i would be happy to try and give you some advice man. good luck
Probably not what you want to hear but from your post, I'd guess that's she's only being nice to you and not trying to hurt your feelings. She doesn't want to be with you and doesn't know how to just say it without feeling guilty about hurting you because you've been nice to her.
Most people who don't want their ex to know they're dating again, if their ex isn't psycho, usually are holding on to hope that they'll get back together at some point in time and wants the other person to think that they were 'faithful' while they were apart.
Any time anyone tells you that they don't want to be exclusive with you is a HUGE hint that they don't want to be with you at all but you'll do in a pinch. Telling you that you shouldn't 'wait' for her is also an indicator that she's just not into you. And you're right telling you to find someone else before you resume casual dates with her again so it won't feel so weird is pretty much telling you that she's already dating someone else and he's a priority over you.
You're not her soul mate or anything else except for maybe the PLAN B guy to use whenever she's not with someone that she's interested in developing a relationship with.
Sorry, she just doesn't want to come across as the bad guy in the breakup your relationship. She's hoping that eventually you'll just fade out of her life like something that never happened.
Do yourself a favor and find someone who's genuinely interested in you because she is definately not.
Face it, you were actually a rebound. You were crazy about her, but she wasn't nearly as crazy about you. Maybe you were just the crazy desperate, annoying boyfriend. Just wish fulfilment plain and simple. Sorry bro.