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Lonely College Student

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Hi my name is Penny. Im a college student. Im a sophomore and I have absolutely no friends. I don't even have any acquaintances. Ive never really had that many friends, maybe 1 or even 2 at one point in high school but I just cant seem to make any in college. Sometimes I go days without talking to a single person. I have nobody to talk to. Im a very shy person and Im horrible at starting conversations or maintaining them. I have talked to people in my classes before but I just don't have a lot to say. I feel so alone. Sometimes I go out and walk around by myself but I feel so lonely. I spend most of my time crying in my room. I don't know what to do. I don't really see any solutions. I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest. I don't tell people that I don't have any friends; not even my mother knows how truly alone and sad I am. Sometimes I talk to my family but they are in a different state. Sometimes I feel as if Im alone in this world. Sorry for the long post
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replied April 22nd, 2012
Hi foreveralone do you have any coping strategies? are you depressed as well?
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replied April 23rd, 2012
I'm a lonely college student myself (in my 2nd year), and I have the same problem with relating to other people. I'm not the biggest fan of small-talk, so conversation with other students doesn't last long.

Are you close to your mom? You should tell her how you feel; don't be embarrassed. It really helps when you talk to somebody Smile You should look into getting medication as well. Half of the world is on it, including myself.

I wish I had more advice to give, but it's always comforting to know that somebody else feels the same way. Keep us updated, OK?
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replied April 23rd, 2012
Thank you all for your advice. You've actually made me feel a little better. I will look into the medication. ForeverAlone101 if you ever want someone to talk to, I'm available.
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replied May 1st, 2012
I felt the exact same way when I was in college. And I think it's enormously difficult because we come to college with a perception that everything's going to be great and everyone says they have so much fun in college! And for me, it was hard, no, impossible, to live up to that reality.

I'd say, try to join a club? A lot of colleges have clubs and activity groups. Maybe see if your school has a mental health department that you can see? I didn't find out about mine until my last semester, but it did really help to talk to someone and realize that so many people felt the same I did.

Also, I think it's ok to accept that not everyone is going to really enjoy college. The real world is not like college, so if you don't really like it, that's ok, because it's only going to last a couple of years! I hope that helps!
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replied February 28th, 2013
Hi PennyLane!

I really related to your post. And the crazy thing is that to the outside world, it seems like I have a lot of friends. I've always been obsessed with being popular and having as many friends as possible as far back as I can remember. I was this way to avoid the pain I saw in others that comes with not having a lot of friends and being disliked by others. The problem is, I became someone that was so obsessed with people liking me that I never really got to know myself or formed myself as a person, and I never really had great friends I felt I could rely on or who really knew me.

I was SO excited for college when it came around. I am also a sophomore, and my freshman year I went out and made as many friends as possible. I was so busy my freshman year that I didn't have time to think about how unhappy I truly was. It wasn't until this summer when I had some big fights with friends and a lot of people stopped liking me that I really got around to taking a look at myself and who I had become. I felt like a shell of a person, just a reflection of what I thought everyone else wanted me to be. I had no real sense of self, and if you asked me to describe myself and what things I enjoyed, I couldn't tell you.

I was in such a bad place, and I started going to counseling. I quickly realized that I had problems with depression and anxiety and probably had my whole life. It's appropriate to mention that I have a very messed up and chaotic family life (I guess in a way everyone does) , and I've attributed a lot of my issues to that. I felt so alone, and to this day, seven months later, I still do.

I have a lot of problems with social anxiety and feeling like I can trust people. Even though I "know" a lot of people, I don't feel like anyone really knows me at all. I even find myself questioning if my best friend, whom I adore, really likes me at all, and I always think she's going to judge me. For example, I just started taking antidepressants and they make me extremely sleepy. I'm so afraid she's going to judge me for sleeping so much, though, that I don't let myself go to sleep when I'm tired for fear she'll judge me.

I know this is a really long post, but my point is that I know how you feel. And I've also realized, after several conversations with my counselor, that for me, my problems won't be fixed simply by going out and finding people. I have to start within myself and start trying to change myself by working on my self-esteem, getting to know myself and what I really like, trusting myself and most of all, loving myself.

Depression isn't easy to get out of. Social anxiety isn't easy to overcome. Convincing yourself that you are worthy of love, that you are capable and deserving of good friendships and that there are people out there that will love you for who you are takes a lot of time and effort. Just remember that like anything, it takes practice. And I know from experience that when you're depressed, you feel bombarded with feelings of hopelessness, guilt and self-hatred for being the way you are. Just know that you are a beautiful and fantastic person, and you deserve everything you want out of life! I wish you the best!

Sorry this is so long!
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replied May 30th, 2013
I am a closet depressed college person. I started a blog today. Google has told me journaling helps so I am doing it online.
If you want you can check it out. There is only 1 entry so it sucks. I don't know why I'm doing this.
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