My name is Jamie. I am a 16 year old high school student and I want to reach out to someone who understands.
Recently, I have been feeling very sad and down when I get home from school, and tonight I felt like I needed to talk to someone, so this is it. I have lots of friends, a job, a girlfriend of nearly 2 years, I'm fit, healthy, I play soccer for a men's team and for my school, and I have a rough idea of where I want to go in the future. But without sounding selfish, none of this seems like it's enough.
Depression runs through my mothers side of the family, my mum has it, her mum has it, her mum had it.. and my mum thinks I have it. I started harming when I was about 12, and stopped when I was 14. And since then I've had my on and off days, but recently it's gotten so bad. I come home from school and I just sit in my room playing guitar and listening to music, don't feel like talking to anyone, don't feel like doing anything, just music and guitar. I feel like no ones cares, and that I'm so alone, and not good enough. I feel like no one understands me. I have one friend that I can sometimes go to, but not as much as I'd like to because my girlfriend doesn't like her. I feel like I let my parents down, my dad especially. I can just tell that he wanted a big strong son that doesn't cry and plays rugby and all that stuff. Instead he got me, a long haired son who plays soccer, likes strange music and is a girl cause he has feelings.
I don't feel like I'm ever going to achieve anything, that I'm always second best and that I get pushed around. I think that I have anger issues to, I get very angry very fast, I'd punched through doors, nearly taken a door off it's bearings, and nearly broken my knuckles in my right hand. The actual knuckle bones in that hand are out of place as a result.
I don't want to sound like a girl, but I need help.
If someone understands, I'd love to hear from you.
Thank you so much <3
I do feel where you are coming from. I am 16 as well, and get badly talked about by all the other girls in my grade. I feel lonely and always judged. I don't know what to do anymore.
Reading your story, you sound like a great guy, and I am sure you will achieve something great along the way if you keep trying!