When i have special someone in my life with whom i can share anything and everything (my discoveries, my light/deep thoughts, my vulnerabilities and insecurities) and that she has an ability to understand me AND is eager to accept me, I feel so empowered and i can give so much back to the world and people around me.
When I don't have that someone, which as been the case for the last 4 years or so and coupled with the fact that I spend most of my weekends alone or with minimal interaction or without real, non-superficial connection, I feel so unsure about myself and soon enough start feeling worthless which in turn makes it more difficult to be productive, let alone feeling confident and attractive.
It's night and day for me. I do work so very hard on myself to be the person to validate myself but I can only do that for so long or I haven't quite done it effectively enough. I'm a very private person so I don't reveal my low self esteem with those close to me and simply go on living acting out the normal me. Inside, I'm so lonely and craving to express how I feel and to be understood/accepted.
I don't want an advice that tells me that I need to get out more often or I need to see a therapist both of which I've tried and saw some limited results.. I just want to feel loved or find better ways to make me feel loved which I don't know how.. I feel like if I do not feel confident, then it's almost impossible for anyone to like me. As such, I feel like I must act cool and confident to attract them but feel like I'm only deceiving myself. I want someone to take a look at me and say "hey, you're special and I love you for who you are"..
Any thoughts/comments you have for me are appreciated. Thank you..
I don't think you are at all alone in this. Almost everyone has their public self and their private self. People have to act happy and confident even if their not. Not only to attract other people to them for friendships and relationships but also to not make others uncomfortable. An example of this is when people ask. "How are you?" 99% of the time the response is "I'm good, how are you?" They are not going to say, today I woke up feeling like crap and didn't even want to get out of bed, my head hurts and I'm lonely. We have a certain amount of pressure in society to be happy. You will find someone that will love you for you and find you to be special. However nothing worthwhile comes for free. If you want a relationship you have to put yourself in a position to make it happen. You didn't want advice of people telling you to get out more. You knew that is what most people would say. However you can't expect a different outcome by doing the same things you have been doing. Perhaps you can try signing up for an online dating service. Or get involved in some new hobbies. Is there singles events or groups in your area you can get involved in? If you want something different then what you have you have to do something different bottom line. If you don't want to do therapy don't do that. I do think you should open yourself up more to your friends and family. This is a good start posting on here. At least it is a place for you to express yourself and get some feedback. I hope things get better for you and that you find what you are looking for.
My suggestion is to get out there and talk to new people. They will make you feel new again and worthy, especially men or woman or whatever you like. Talk to people about the way you feel. You may even want to consider going to a psychiatrist, being that itÃ¢ï¿½ï¿½s easier sometimes opening up to a stranger. Do things that make you happy and feel independent. I also heard about Ã¢ï¿½ï¿½puhchianaÃ¢ï¿½ï¿½ that provides Best neurosurgeon, best neurosurgical hospital dedicated to the individual need of each patient.
Hey little brother, I've been with many women, but lately I've found myself in the same boat as you. You see four years ago I got out of an almost 14yr marriage because my ex felt "we weren't compatable". I just said "okay, see you" and let it go. Well up til then I would just go out and juat try for anything and eventually I'd get someone, there are alot of single women that want to get attached if you try for everything you can get someone, but it was all acting, I wouldn't be myself and I was thinking "what, waste another 13yrs, no way." Let's face it buddy, people are basically trash and crap, when I see death and mayhem on the news I don't get sad, I think well who cares let them all die, there are few people worthy of life today. But there are a few my friend, don't compramise, don't just take anyone, you're better off alone than that. Here's the deal, you need someone that's going to be into the things you're into, who will accept you for who you are, they're out there, you might pass them everyday and not even know it. Most women(men too) are just lying to themselves and everyone else. I want this, I want that, but really they want the exact opposite. You need to get a hobby or an interest and just go full into it. Find someone that's into the same things and make sure they like you for who you are. If you need sex get a hooker, but be safe. Don't search as hard, just have fun, put yourself out there and they'll find you. If you have to look then remember finding a mate is like hunting go for weakness. Can you deal with a blind chick, a fat chick, someone who's not so attractive. know what your limit is and start at the bottom. Weakest of the herd, my friend, are always the easiest to bring down. But also make sure she's a good person as well. Don't settle on goodness, but the rest doesn't matter much if you can deal with it. Don't get hung up on one if she isn't into you, make a quick decision and move on. The problem is there are only a few compatable with you and millions to choose from. It may take awhile, deal with that, alone isn't that bad, you should like yourself more than anyone else anyway. Just never give up, never give in, never let it go. If you really want it it will eventually happen.