Medical Questions > Mental Health > Depression Forum

Lonely and Addicted to Older Men

Must Read
Clinical Depression
Do you know how doctors define clinical depression? Learn more about this brain disorder and types of depression that doctors diagnose here....
Read more >>
Depression Causes and Risk Factors
Can depression run in families? Can hormones really make you depressed? Yes! Learn more about causes and conditions of clinical depression here....
Read more >>
Depression Symptoms
People with depressive illnesses do not all experience the same symptoms. Do you know the signs and symptoms of depression? Read on to learn more....
Read more >>
Mental Health
lonely and blue
Lonely Angel,
Feeling Lonely
Depression
Lonely and annoyed
Sad and lonely
can one be that desperate and lonely?
Related Topics
so lonely without her
Lonely and Desolate
Lonely and empty at 9 weeks
July 30th, 2009
I don't know what my real issue is exactly, but for quite a while now I've felt so lonely and out of sorts. On the outside I try to be bright, and mask my sadness with sarcasm, but within, I feel really lost. I'm 17, and it seems that ever since I was 15 I've been struggling with this on and off deserted, lonely feeling. My parents argue quite a bit and though I used to cry about it, I think over the years I've internalized the anger and sadness, which has in turn made me worse.

I find so many terrible faults with myself all the time. I'm about ten pounds overweight and I as I struggle to lose the weight, I feel miserable and worthless. I tried to stop eating, then I tried exercising and good diet, but I can never stick with it. I give up when I see I can't make any progress I have bad acne that leaves dark spots on my face and I feel ugly and undesirable. And though it's embarrassing to admit, I still suck my thumb. I don't know why I do it, and it irritates my parents, but I can't stop. It gives me comfort and I've been doing it for as long as I can remember. That's all I really want, I think. Comfort.

Lately, I've taken to talking to older men online. I know it's not necessarily the right thing, but I've grown addicted to the feeling of their attachment to me and even if it means talking sexually to them, I still do it so they'll stay with me. I recently had a long "affair" with a man who was unhappy in his marriage and who talked to me in a way no one else would. He wanted to know about me - my likes and dislikes, and though he was much older, treated me as his intellectual and emotional equal. I found out halfway through our chat he was married and it conflicted me. He told me he loved me, I was certain I felt the same, but I had to stop talking to him because I felt guilty. Now I'm without that connection and I'm on a search for someone else to fill the hole. I watch join pornography sites to talk to men who are in search of girls like me, in hopes they'll want to dote on me or could somehow make me happy - like the guy before.

I don't know what to do. I'm scared I'll keep going through this spiral of always looking for comfort in the wrong places, and I'll eventually get hurt. Please, help.
Did you find this post helpful?
|
User Profile
timeisshort
replied July 30th, 2009
Experienced User
You will get hurt because these people that you talk about are only interested in satisfying their selfishness. What about your friends at school etc.
Something that should help you with the weight management & the pimples is having more alkaline foods in your diet & not trying to reduce your intake so much as having the right foods to help your body function correctly. look up acid alkaline diets & alkalizing foods.
If you want good people to talk to this site is not a bad place to find them there are a lot of wonderful supporters here who have a careing nature,you don't have to subject yourself to cheap relationships, your young & have your whole life ahead of you. be careful not to spoil it for when it matters more, what we do now in life does affect things that happen in 20 yrs time.
Does God fit into your life at all?
|
Did you find this post helpful?
User Profile
kdlee
replied July 30th, 2009
Supporter
Morning honey..Yo did hit the nail on the head when you said looking for love in all the wrong places..You and older men just wouldn't work..Not necessarily becuase of the age issue but because you are looking for all the worng reasons..Your wanting a fathr figure but willing to do and give sexually to have someone say the care of love you..You're gonna get hurt if you keep this line of tought going..

I think all teenagers to some degree, feel alone and unsure of them selves..You've now really strong hormones flowing and this cangive turmoil wihtin..You are not worthless--come on--you have a lot to give..You just have to findthe right person for this..Do you have a loving grandparent you can help?

With the energy level you have youneed to be able to do alot of physical stuff to tire you out..DO you like to bowl, ride our bike, go hiking,walking, working in the yard,sewing, wriitng,drawing?

I understand about parents arguing-when Iwas a teenager my parents argued all the time up until my mom became terminal and passed..I use to think they hated each other..My dad misses her greatly as that was their way..Yeah, they really did get into major blow outs..

Whatever you do DON"T meet any online men or women who saylets meet for lunch or whatever..Don't give anyone your home address or telephone nu,ber..DOn't give anyone
your real name..There are people who come on line that could be from jail, murderers and rapist..

Due to uour depression you need to talk with someone..I alwyas recommend starting with your PCP and then a councelor if needed..k
|
Did you find this post helpful?
soveee
replied July 30th, 2009
Hi kdlee and time is short,

Thank you for reading and responding. It's hard to talk about for me, and I thank you for taking the time to help. Unfortunately, I don't have any grandparents who are living, and a majority of our relatives live in other countries. I just wish I had a friend I trusted to talk about these things, but I just couldn't. I'm supposed to be "the intelligent student who never does anything wrong" and I feel that even letting someone in my personal life know that I'm feeling so tired and empty would make me a failure.

I want to make this go away, and at times I do distract myself with things like writing, but then I look myself in the mirror, or lie on my side in bed and think that I'll never feel as good as anyone else does. I'll never be as happy as my friends. I think I might be scared that no one will ever want me, as well. That's probably a reason why I keep trying to talk to these men. I want them to desire me because I'm afraid no one else will.

About the married man I spoke to last, I did give him my name, and I know it seems dumb, but we were very attached to one another. He didn't me to stop talking to him and I didn't either, but I think part of me was scared. He did want to meet me and we talked about letting him be my first, but he made it clear that it wasn't something we had to do if we did see each other.

It's like, I acknowledge these things, but I can't stop. I wish things were normal with me, but I feel as though I've already ruined my life. I'm on summer vacation right now and I feel panicked because in just about a month, I'll be starting college. At first, I was excited about being able to start over, but now I'm slipping back into feeling that things aren't ever really going to change. I'm shy and not very good at making new friends, and I think things will get worse instead of better.

And in response to your question, timeisshort, God used to be a bigger part of my life in the past, but ever since I've started feeling this way, I know I've drifted. I just feel helpless, but I want to feel happy again!
|
Did you find this post helpful?
User Profile
kdlee
replied July 30th, 2009
Supporter
Honey get back on the right path and you know you will be happier..

I do worry about you giving your name to people etc..There are some real sickos out there so please don't give to anyone else..Your fist time with a man needs to be with someone you love not someone over the internet..You will do fine in college..You are bright you are a thinker..Right now you're just lonely..When you get back into school and studies you will meet alot of people..I am glad this other guy issue ended and I'm glad you felt fear-you should that is self preservation..

You can come to the forum anytime and we will talk..Ok..k
|
Did you find this post helpful?
soveee
replied July 31st, 2009
Thanks again kdlee.

Although it was my 18th birthday today, I still didn't feel very happy. No one except my older brother told me happy birthday, got me a card, a cake, anything. I guess they forgot? My mom bought me a new coat for college (I'll be going up north) a few days ago that she said was my birthday present, which was nice, because it was expensive, but still, today, my birthday, neither her nor my father said anything.

Feeling empty again.

Ironically, though, the man I mentioned before and another I'd met about a month ago both emailed me with birthday wishes.

Made me happy.

I started missing the married man again (It sounds as though he's getting a divorce). Even though we decided not to talk anymore, now I feel like starting it up again.

I need something to distract me, but I don't know what to do.
|
Did you find this post helpful?
W0LF
replied July 31st, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
Hey soveee
Dating older men isn't at all abnormal. I don't recall the last time I saw a teenage girl dating a teenage boy. Dramatically older men isn't something that will fulfill you. You won't have a connection you'd have with a man closer to your age, conversations will be more difficult, relationships will be difficult work to maintain. Older men are not all selfish predators wanting to use you, married men however are incredibly bad and the fact that you seem drawn to them is a red flag about your self esteem. It means out of every man on the internet you are choosing one with doomed prospects of a working relationship and putting yourself into conflict with another woman. If you're not attracted to men within a decade of your age this is the same territory of picking men that are unlikely to form a relationship with you. This is something you should talk to a health professional about.

If you're not fond of your family finding out their honor student has flaws you're in luck. Colleges have a lot of counselors that will hear you out and advise you confidentially and help you get a referral to a psychologist if needed. They have these people because being a little F'ed up coming out of High School is very normal. I'd suggest you ask how you can contact one during your college orientation.

Most teenagers are miserable almost all of the time. However some of the stuff you've said makes me wonder what's going on. It seems like your family loves you if maybe they're just a little absent. It seems that you're able to make connections with people. You've just had become an adult and you're going off to start your life. You should be tickled pink right now, feeling empty or tired is a strange reaction to this period of your life. I am worried that seeking out doomed relationships may be a symptom of a larger issue going on for you. Definitely get the opinion of someone educated in mental health, such as a college advisor. Research what they tell you, be informed about terms and disorders you're told may be affecting you and keep an open mind about treatment.
Best of luck hon.
|
Did you find this post helpful?
User Profile
starship33
replied August 1st, 2009
Supporter
i think your depressed and it could be over your parents relationship. i think your searching for something that's why you tried that dating site.
i battled depression every since i was 14 years old. my dad was physically and mentally abusive and it was hard on me. my happiness was dating guys, because my home life was screwed up.
you can try something called nature's cure which is a herbal remedy for acne. it is cheap and it is all natural, and it really does work. i'll email you the website.
secondly, you can try to find a nice male friend that is your age, that can relate to you better. are you registered on myspace, twitter, facebook.
|
Did you find this post helpful?
User Profile
StormWolf
replied May 15th, 2010
if you at all see this..
I will give an opinion though it's probably not necessary. But I believe that loving oneself is the first important step because its only then when you can Teach others how to love you, based on how you treat yourself and others.
From what I read you're remarkably honest and I notice a maturity. The problem is that attachment component.
I know when I grew up I never really liked me at all, for reasons unchangable such as the way I grew up and the people who screwed me over. I searched for love to come to me and teach me to love myself but I'd fall flat eventually through time because I coulnd't deliver reasons for a man to love me so I'd convert to a sexual delivery because it's what I could offer.
I spent over 5 years trying to develop a sense of self and importance. Its only in the past year through rough decisions and straight up changes that I've actually progressed through justificational means. Thats what got me through and Im the one who finally taught me how to appreciate myself before anyone else does, so that when I AM appreciated, not only can I handle it, but I feel like I can maintain that within myself while being responsible enough to maintain it with that other person.
I dont get it. You seem straight headed, yet youre headed in the wrong direction. I dont see anything wrong with you by the way you present yourself. I really wish I Could get to know you as a person, but that probably wouldn't be of the means.
In any case I believe it's good to look for a man who matches you on most if not all levels, (intellect, emotional..etc)
I hope everything works out!
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Sign up for FREE weekly health tips!
... Saving
Ask a doctor

eHealthPedia Articles
Depression Causes and Risk Factors
Clinical Depression
Depression Diagnosis
Depression Symptoms
Depression Treatment
Helpful Users This Week
Gingergal
Gingergal
1 helpful posts