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Loneliness

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I wouldn't say I'm suicidal but ceasing to exist seems like the best way... I used to be a prodigy when I was a kid, but now I just feel stupid, I don't know what to do career wise, but that's not what's bothering me the most. Since I was so cool as a kid I used to have friends and my family always supported me, but now the ones I consider to be friends couldn't care less about my existence (because they have friends of their own) and neither could my parents (only when it's to tell me what to do). The worst of all, I'm almost 20 yo and I have no prospects of losing my virginity - guys just don't hit on me for some reason, and I barely go out because I don't like to drink and this seems like the only kind of entertainment there is in the world, so I don't have any way to meet anyone either. I recently started talking to someone on the internet, and I knew I wasn't gonna make him love me (come on, right?) but I thought I could at least seduce him, so he acted like he was interested for about a month, but to my surprise he later revealed he hadn't meant anything he'd said because he was feeling lonely and down at the time because of a girl he actually loves - and the jerk just apologized like it wasn't a big deal, like I was just another IP on the internet. I'm also sick of social media, of seeing people enjoying their lives (although I am aware people only show the good side of their lives on social media), every weekend I stay home watching countless tv shows and movies while seeing people posting pics of them going out (my friends included - and the jerk in question too), and I'm just disgusted at this modern culture about relationships - you either have to go out to drink or expose yourself on dating apps in order to find someone. I just don't see myself finding anyone any time in the future, and I can't afford to wait anymore. I feel worthless, like I'll never be able to leave my mom's house, and consequently be treated like a child forever, and never be able to explore my sexuality because I'm not good enough for anyone.
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Tags: Depression
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