I am 31 years old and the mother of 3, my youngest is 2.5 years old and was weaned 13 months ago. I have had a progesterone deficiency since having a depo provera shot at the age of 16 (before that, I had 4 years of clockwork periods). I had to take progesterone during my pregnancies to prevent pregnancy loss (which occurred with my first). Progesterone deficiency causes anxiety and depression, I never had these issues prior to pregnancy at age 25 (note: if you have a mental illness, you typically show signs prior to age 25).
Each time my periods returned during breastfeeding, they were irregular in that I had luteal (post-ovulation, pre-menstruation) bleeding/spotting - usually tan, pink, then brown, ruddy red for 5-10 days before my period would start and I would bleed for 4-7 days more. My periods after my youngest child was born returned at 9 months postpartum in Jan 2011. I experienced the typical progesterone deficient bleeding in the luteal phase and this has continued to this day (now Oct 2012), although the spotting length has increased and period length fluctuated over time (now at 24 day cycles where I am normally 28/29 day).
After ultrasound and D&C to rule out cancer or cysts, the last hope I was given to regulate my hormonal imbalance and impending anemia due to blood loss was birth control pills. The doctor prescribed Loestrin FE 1/20. I have resisted taking synthetic hormones since I know they interfere with your body's natural ability to make their own in the long term. Considering vitex/chasteberry had left me feeling suicidally depressed although it increased my progesterone to reduce spotting and maca root wasn't quite helping with spotting but was good with decreasing anxiety; 5-htp did little for me but to cause vivid dreams/nightmares.
I started Loestrin on a Sunday night 3 weeks ago, I felt great for the first 48 hours (no anxiety, no depression - I felt like normal pre-baby me again). Then on Wednesday, I started to notice an increased heart rate during rest, blood pressure raised 10-15 pts each, insomnia, leg cramps (fairly severe in my calves), and crying over the smallest stressors. Being the mom of 3 boys, I have been through A LOT without crying, I am high stress tolerant...but I was BAWLING uncontrollably. I also noticed a lingering headache in the back of my head, something that never happens to me. This continued through Thursday and by Friday I had attributed it to the pills and stopped them. I had a panic attack on that day, severe anxiety, breathing problems with my throat feeling very tight, but I got through it and the next 10 days were somewhat better.
Then I crashed...I hadn't been able to sleep well since getting off the pill and on the Monday 2 weeks and 1 day after beginning the first pill, suicidal thoughts crept into my mind. This was REALLY upsetting to me because I have no intention of this, I love my children and my life...I just feel like something is controlling me and it really angers me, but I just cry instead (I'm a fighter so this really bothers me too). My mood swings were all over the place. I was admitted to the hospital mental ward for "full nervous breakdown" for 4 days. During this time, I was told they would give me anti depressants and figure out how to help me. Instead, I went to all day sessions of therapy and was not given any drugs except blood pressure meds because they couldn't get it below 155/105 even laying down (I am 132 lbs at 5'9" btw...eat all organic, take vitamins, etc...no reason for high bp). The psychiatrist on staff said he wanted a endocrinology workup on me, he believed it was a hormonal imbalance and he didn't feel comfortable putting me on anti-anxiety or anti-depressant drugs without that. I shook with anxiety, nearly convulsing, an entire day in the hospital mental ward. I felt like a failure, I cried missing my babies and being such a burden.
Kaiser Perm doctor who I've never seen before comes in and denies the endocrinlogy referral request TWICE. Then he calls my OB GYN and they decide that I need to go back on the Loestrin but with only a half dose daily. That's it...nothing more. So being in the hospital, you must take your meds...and I was put back on a "half dose" (pill cut in half, which obviously does not guarantee 50% equal dose) and sent home after 1 dose. I've now been home for 3 days and am still on the pills. I called the doctor's office on Friday, the first day back home, and told them I'm still having side effects from the pill and want to switch. They called me back after hours and the nurse on call told me to go to the ER to be re-hospitalized in the mental ward! what. They couldn't schedule an appointment for me until Monday (tomorrow) and so I need to stay on the pills until then and try not to harm myself or go to the hospital for admittance.
Meditation, yoga, breathing exercises, rational override generally work well for me...but I can't seem to stop this anxiety and the severe depression is like NOTHING else I've ever heard of or seen. I can only imagine that it is this severe for me because of my hormonal imbalance to begin with (I'm at peri-menopausal levels still just like you are during breastfeeding, akin to age 55). I want off these pills but I cannot crash again..I have children to care for and there is no one in the system to help with support like that during withdrawal. I am scared to be by myself at all because I feel so out of control and we just moved to a new area in San Diego so I feel alone outside my husband and children. If anyone else could also use support, please email me...maybe we can help each other through this....