For as long as I know things have never been good in my family. My mom grew up to an abusive family. She had a father that was a drunk and abused her, and a mother that had issues mentally and constantly physically abused her. My dad was never in the picture, so I don’t know about him. My grandma, my moms’ mom, was never a good person. She didn’t know how to do anything other than yell at someone if she wanted something, boss them around, and of course use force if she didn’t get it. She lived with us when I was little for the last years of her life, until she died back in ’98 I think. When I was young she used to abuse not only me, but my brother and sister as well. My sister always complained, but me and my brother never said anything to her or my mom. We toughed it out and in doing so I probably messed myself up mentally and emotionally. When she died I was sad but in a way that I was almost happy, sorry to say. I knew that finally I could get away from the stuff she had put us through.
After she died my oldest brother, Donny, watched us. He was OK for a while, a major stoner that didn’t care if we kids got a contact. Watched baseball all day and laid on the couch with his marijuana and his alcohol. (he’s over 15 years older than me) he never let us out, locked us in closets or our rooms if we where bad, hit us with belts, only fed us when we begged really. Yeah we lived in Oregon where it was cold and rained a lot, but even on sunny good days he didn’t let us out.
After my brother left my uncle came to live with us and caused neighbor problems and made it so that we didn’t fit in. For a while he was Ok…then he began to do things. I don’t remember…don’t really want to. Not long they stayed, a few months, and then he and his wife went away. His name is Greg, and he was always controlling. To his wife, to his family, everything. Been in trouble with the law a lot and been saved by family alone. Then he found a place to live in a trailer park and we went to visit him at times. When we did it was horrible. The things he did was a lot worse, he scared me. Said if I ever told anyone he would make it so I could never see my family again. I never told anyone. It continued for months on ends, and found out years after he did the same things to my sister. I blocked it out.
My mom was abusive sometimes, though I never told anyone because I was always afraid of her. She gets angry easily, and if you get her mad she gives you the silent treatment for days. She’s almost Bi Polar really I think she is. If you don’t do something she wants when she wants its everyone else’s problem not her. When she does something wrong or thinks someone caused something wrong she finds other people to blame it on and gets really pissed off at them. When our house got robbed she blamed me because she said “If you would have taken the baby I could gone after them you dumb a**” when they where already gone. My sister and my brother are both high school drop outs, my sister with a kid, and my brother on who knows what. I’m in school and want to graduate, be the first in my family…and I’m trying to get a job around now because people are going to be hiring. I clean her house and do more than my brother and my sister combined, and yet I’m still the one that gets yelled at constantly. Had an argument about it the other day and she refused to talk or even look at me for two days. She kicked my pets, my kittys out the house and refuses to feed them. I had to sleep on the couch because me and her share a room and she didn’t want me around her.
My brother is a drop out, never even really went to school. He has friends and has done a lot of stupid things. My brother and I where best friends for so long and I saved his life more than once, and he saved mine a couple times. Without me and my brother being close he probably would be kicked out on the street by now.
My sister is a b****. She doesn’t do anything but yell, she argues and gets defensive over nothing (candy, someone supposedly saying something because she hears it wrong, or things that have happened a long time ago. Or if someone doesn’t do what she wants.) She’s a drama queen, she loves arguing and causing problems. It’s annoying. When I go home from school she always makes me watch my nephew (her son and the baby mentioned earlier) for hours on end, complaining of fake pains so she can spend he time on her phone and her computer talking to like 7 different guys. She can’t be alone, she HAS to have a guy in her life, and she’s only 17. I don’t always mind it, I love my nephew because he makes me happy sometimes just being around him, and I don’t mind watching him, but it’s so annoying when it’s every day. If I say I don’t want to watch him and I want a break after school, even for a little, she gets really mad and starts yelling at me about how I “do nothing” and am just a waste of space. All my life she has used this, because of her I have a low self esteem from her always saying I’m worthless and treating me like I am. Unless it involves getting something for herself she doesn’t care…and I am so tired of it.

I don’t know what to do anymore, don’t know how I can get away. I’ve lost so much already, and now I’m tired of living with all of this anger I’ve built up over so long. I’m so afraid I’m going to lose control on them it’s not funny. Towards them….towards myself. I honestly don’t know how much more of this I can take, my family is driving me insane. I’m tired of being the one from stopping all the fights, and when I don’t I get yelled at. I’m tired of being the person that is the mediator for a family of fools! Someone…please help me…I don’t know what to do anymore….