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life's just miserable but I don't want to kill myself

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I am 18 and I have a perfect future plan and career in mind but it's useless as I am depressed and have this feeling for 2 years . It's not every time but there are episodes and I pretend to be happy on the outside but I am dying inside and I have no friends and my parents won't understand it and life's just miserable . I feel hopeless and there's no one to talk to . I never tried self harm but I have been having suicidal thoughts lately . Help me , I don't want to die
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