I know things could be worse, as some might say, but I just feel like things are becoming real bad.
It all started when I finished high school. I got a really good final mark and got into the course I always wanted to do at one of the best uni's where I'm from. I thought things were fantastic. I got everything I wanted. Clothes, a car, a holiday to celebrate, all the little things I wanted. This was around last December. Bliss.
Now that uni has started things seem tragic. First, I lost all my friends. I had a group of friends (best friends) that I had been friends with since the beginning of high school, and now we aren't speaking. Apparently I told someone one of their secrets. When it came to confrontation, it was apparent they didn't want to resolve things so it's all over.
Second, I'm extremely depressed at uni. I hate it so much. Thinking about it makes me want to throw up. Hate the course, it seems clear that no one likes me there. I have no friends, I'm always lonely there, I have no one to help me. I think I'm failing too. I skip most of my lectures cause I'm always lonely I can't explain how much I hate it omg
Also, I don't have a job. I've applied EVERYWHERE. In person, online. Everywhere. It seems to me that no one wants me to work for them in this economic climate (I have no experience). So I have no money for myself, therefore it's hard to buy things that satisfy me (shallow I know).
My dad doesn't have much work, we're in lots of debt. We found out someone hacked our credit card and had been using it all over the world.
My dad is now sick with something that'll be with him for life which kills me.
My brother is abusive and stupid and I always have to lock the door to keep him away from me. His 21. I had to call the police on him today because he got so crazy. His been abusive and stupid and dumb since I was a baby. His a highschool drop out with no job. His been living off money from my parents. Now that my dad is sick and has no work he continues to abuse everyone in the family and take money. I can't explain how underdeveloped his brain is.
I'm really ugly btw. Just as high school finished, I developed acne. And I'm fat.
I really hate my life. I'm lonely. I have no friends. No one to talk to. No money. Failing my course. I try not to cry cause I hate it but I just feel like it's building and building and I know one day it'll come out but I don't want it to. Crying seems pathetic. I'm too depressed to exercise and study and I know it's all up to me but I can't. I'm insecure about everything. I can't get over how ugly my face is. It gets worse everyday with this stupid acne. omg. I'm being really literal about having no friends. It's really embarrassing. My family wonders why I don't go out or live a college life and it's because I have no friends. No one. I'm always by myself.
What do I do? How do I get a job? Why is it so hard for me and no one else?
2012 is officially the worst year of my entire life.