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Letting Your Man Have Sex With Another Girl

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Ok i have recently put up a post on here about three-some MFM i felt very offended, 4 years i have been seeing this guy. Maybe he was trying to spice things up but i wont allow another man and i have never done a three-some before. Or maybe he thought he was not satisfying me enough in bed... Ok here is my question i dont know what the answer is as we aren't exactly talking i think we just need space... BUT! i was thinking what if i found a girl for him who i thought is clean enough for him to have sex with..? Would he feel offended if i did this? I dont know where things are going i have not gone up a level to spice things up with him at all... but i want him to have at least a little bit of fun...
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First Helper kristigraham
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replied March 28th, 2012
Community Volunteer
My take is that this is a fantasy of his. He wants to see you pleasuredin that way. Giving oral while having intercourse, or being double penetrated.. Another girl is unlikely to satisfy that fantasy. Well, maybe if you got the girl for you, not him and he participated. Only he will know.

My experience is that men are not really that complicated. He was not thinking of anything else but his fantasy when he asked you. It is unlikely that there would have been an hidden motive. It is just not the way most men work.

Just my opinion...
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replied March 28th, 2012
Extremely eHealthy
I didn't read your other post.

I know a woman who arranged for her best friend to have sex with her husband as a birthday treat...

This is largely stuff of fiction that real people want to emulate because it looks like fun, its a cool thing to do or everybody is doing it...

The truth is everybody is not having threesomes or swinging or stuff like that. These things do not happen naturally very often in real life and when they do it often finishes the relationship or places it under serious pressure.
There are a few success stories - that is inevitable, but they are rare. I also know a few couples who have done a bit of swapping but mostly found it unsatisfying and the prospect was more exciting than the reality.

The main problem you have is sex for a man, especially a young man is mostly physical. His brain is in his balls and he is being driven by the chemicals his body is producing...
It is a thing that goes back to the days when we used to go around on all fours sniffing each others backsides when it was mother nature's job to drive the male to inseminate as many females as he could and the social conventions of our time directly contradict these primitive urges resulting in frustration and discontent.

For women sex mostly has a more emotional content and their primeval urges make them want security and fidelity. Ok that is a bit traditional and the way women behave these days is somewhat at odds with that but once in a relationship it is mostly in a woman's nature to be monogomous but mostly that isn't the natural state for a young man so they don't see these things in the same way as women.

It takes a very strong relationship between some really understanding people to have a threesome or do a spot of swapping and then continue as before - OR it needs a couple who really aren't that close to begin with...

The people who can completely separate their emotional life from their sex life are very rare.

How would your boyfriend react, I wonder, if you agreed and was really enthusiastic about the prospect of sex with another man?

I don't recommend you find another girl for your boyfriend unless you actually want to do that. If you are pressured into it, it would be wrong to do it and not a very good basis for any long-term relationship.

If your boyfriend is feeling inadequate about his performance I can't see introducing another man into the picture is going to help.
If your boyfriend is inexperienced and insecure and he merely wants to learn by watching another man's performance...
Have you thought about the possibility of latent homosexuality, bisexuality or perhaps he has voyueristic tendencies?

Is introducing another man into the relationship for your benefit or really for his benefit or for both?

Seems to me the two of you should talk honestly and at length about this - certainly neither of you should consider a threesome, foursome or an orgy as a way of fixing anything - chances are if you fixed your relationship with each other the subject of threesomes would not have arisen in the first place...

Perhaps it is a good thing to try everything once but it is definitely a bad thing to be forced to do something you don't want to do!
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replied March 28th, 2012
Experienced User
So basically its his fantasy to have an MFM? And he is trying to pleasure me for this?His not gay... thats one thing... But if i got a girl for my self and not him he will participate? Not if i got him the girl?
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replied March 28th, 2012
Community Volunteer
The fact that he asked for a MFM is an indication that he wants to have sex with you while you are pleasuring/being pleasured by another person. If it is acceptable to you, another female might fit the bill. Only he can say for sure.
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replied March 28th, 2012
Experienced User
Hi verne thanks for that i really appreciate your own opinion in this. He kept asking me to do it but in a nice a way and kept saying please for me and i kept saying to please dont use your self as an excuse. I dont want to do it.
But do you really think maybe he is doing this because he feels insecure about him self? Or trying to drive me away? I have a lot of thought in my mind at the moment cuz i dont know the answer unless i just wait until he calls to actually discus of whats actually going on with us.
ANd yes we need to be honest with one another but the thing is im laughing cuz i cant believe he asked for a MFM i dont want to make him feel uncomfortable because of this.
I really dont know why he is doing this...
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replied March 28th, 2012
Experienced User
kristigraham wrote:
The fact that he asked for a MFM is an indication that he wants to have sex with you while you are pleasuring/being pleasured by another person. If it is acceptable to you, another female might fit the bill. Only he can say for sure.


Ok what i will do i will actually ask him what he thinks? This is very helpful for me i dont want to be pleasured by another man as he pleasures me enough i enjoy having sex with him but i will see if he will do it with another girl
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replied March 29th, 2012
Extremely eHealthy
Of course it could be another of those times where somebody (him) is watching too much porn and stupidly believing it is real...

The problem could be complex or dead simple - but you really have to talk together to begin to find out.

You certainly shouldn't introduce a third party into your bedroom unless you are 100% certain that is what you want and then only as a last resort!

If this is the way you decide to go it might be wise to visit a swingers party first if you can find one.

You said you feel you should let him have some fun - if sex with you isn't enough fun for him, maybe you aren't doing it right?

I hope you post again and keep us all updated...
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