I met Brian on June 7th 2008 while I was in the hospital for depression and panic attack issues. From the second that I layed eyes on him I just knew that we were going to be friends. He was there for depression issues as well. He found his gf dead on the floor of her home on May 24th. She passed away from a drug overdose. Well I had only known Brian for one night in the hospital; and was discharged the following morning. When I went home that morning for some reason he was all I could think about. About 10 days after I got out of the hospital I looked for his number in the phonebook (luckily I remembered his last name) called him and asked him how he was doing. That first day that we talked we talked for 15 and half hours. Unbelievable. We connected just like that. The first time I went to his house was 2 weeks after I called him. It was towards the end of June. He lived in a town 24 miles away so I had to ask around for a ride to his place. Well I went to his house and we talked all night then we went to sleep. I came home the next day. Brian came to the fireworks with me and we layed on the ground and watched the fireworks as I wiped his tears away. He missed Pam (his gf) so much and it hurt him. He would call me crying and asking me why god would take her from him. He told me that when he found her he begged god for it to be him instead of her. He blamed himself for not being there when she died, and he just couldnt let go. He was a lost soul. He had been a drug addict since he was 12 years old and it consumed his life. He had 6 ppl that he cared about pass away in 5 months and it still didnt wake him up. He even went into a coma once for 2 weeks and that still didnt open up his eyes. Brian and I became best friends. We had a special bond. We would talk for hours on the phone before we went to sleep. One time he told me that he couldnt go to sleep without talking to me because he felt like his night wasnt complete without hearing my voice. He called me one night and said nikki? Im like yes brian? He says you know I was thinking about ending my life tonight but you know what I thought about? All I could think about was you and how hurt you would be if I was gone and how much you love me and I couldnt do it. We both started crying. I used to call him if I had any questions or if I was lonely or sad. The thing about Brian is he never tried anything with me. We were friends and thats all. I slept in the same bed with him and hed wrap his arms around me but thats it. I fell in love with Brian. We were best friends for 5 months. The only person that he ever hurt was himself. Wed talk about everything from what we ate that day to how scared we are of death. I asked him one time Im like brian what would you do if your mom or dad came over to your house one day and found you dead? You know how hurt they would be? And he said yeah I know It would be sad. Brian just couldnt give up his addiction with drugs. Well I had no idea that Monday November 17th would be the last time I talked to my friend again. I cherish all the memories and the conversations that we had, I tried to help him, but he just couldnt let go. Drugs killed my best friend. I called him at 730 last monday and he was all messed up. I told him that I couldnt stay on the phone long cuz my minutes werent free til after 9. He said he loved me and I said I loved him and we hung up. Well I called at 9. no answer. I called his home and his cell no answer. I went to sleep. That night I woke up out of a silent sleep and I had this huge feeling in my stomach. Right then and there I knew he was gone. He was with me at that exact moment. I knew he was gone but yet I called and called. I called into the next morning. He still didnt answer. I tried to call both titusville and warren general ers. He wasnt there. I even called the jail to see if he was there. Nope. So I called his phones again and eventually I get an answer on his home phone. I was like omg brian where have you been?!?! Its about time you answer I was so worried! The man on the other line was like who is this? Im like this is nikki whos this? Hes like this is brians dad. I was like omg joe tell me brians ok where is he? The next thing he said has haunted me everyday. He said Brians dead. I was like WHAT!!!! Brian is dead, I have to go now hunny the ambulance is on its way. I got off the phone and flipped. I couldnt breathe I couldnt see, my whole mind fogged. My best friend in the world passed away. I was lost at that moment. Luckily my dad was here with me. I later found out that brians mom and dad had been trying to call him that morning to see when he was going to come get his dog from there house and they couldnt get ahold of him. Brians dad told me that he walked in brians house and brian was sitting at his table with his head down and his feet were blue. He still had the home phone in his hand. Brian died right after I said I love you and hung up.

People say that God doesnt take you until you fulfill your purpose in life. I wonder what Brians was. I wonder if his was to teach me how to love and to make me a stronger person. Brian didnt have a funeral or a viewing. He didnt even have a name in the paper. When I called his dad to ask him why he said as far as Im concerned Nikki you were the only friend that brian had because you are the only one who cared about him and didnt support his drug habit. I was shocked to hear that his dad would say that. I had only met his dad twice. Brian told me that his dad never liked any of his girlfriends or any of his friends ever. His dad is a tough man and doesnt express his feelings. When he told me that it made me feel at peace. His parents thanked me for being in brians life and helping him with his struggle. They are coming down to warren next week and they are taking me to dinner and giving me some of brians belongings. Im the only person other than his family to get some of his things. His mother told me if theres anything I want to just ask her and the only thing that I said I wanted was the serenity prayer on his stand. And I didnt realize why I wanted that so bad until my sister asked me to recite it to her last night. I was in shock. It made so much sense.
Brian taught me a lot in life but the most important thing he taught me was how to love. He opened my eyes to a new life, without him I would have never known. I love him more than anything and I always will. I cant wait to see him again someday. I just hope that he was close to god.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. Hell always hold a very special place in my heart. I dont think he knew how much I loved him until he died..