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Leaving an alcoholic husband?

I'm wondering when and how is the best way to leave an alcoholic husband. I've been with him for 7 years and married almost 4. He drank heavily at the beginning of the relationship and I left him because of it but he later stopped (or so I thought) and we got back together. It wasn't until after we were married that I realized he had continued drinking behind my back. Throughout our marriage he has continued to drink, hiding bottles of alcohol all over the house. He took a second job and has been using his cash tip money to buy alcohol which he later hides or drinks thinking I won't find out. I have told him many times that I will leave if he continues and does not get help. When he's drunk he tells me it's not a big deal and he doesn't care but when he's sober he always promises to get help. He seems to be drinking less now but I don't trust him at all since I've seen this behavior before and he was just hiding it better. He is very verbally abusive when he is drinking and he did physically assault me ONCE. I also know that he drives drunk but I know that if I put him in jail I will be unable to support myself. I want to leave him but the problem is that my family is very religious and they do not support divorce for any reason. They made it very clear to me that I need to work on my relationship and they will not help me if I choose to leave. I do not make enough money at my job to leave and I live in an area where there is a very high unemployment rate. I've been looking for a better job for six months and have found nothing. I do have two degrees but this has not helped my job hunt. I don't know what to do...
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replied March 13th, 2011
I am so sorry you are in this position. I can feel your pain.

Most of all my heart goes out to you for the betrayal of your family. How cruel of them to turn their backs on you!! I CANNOT fathom why a family would act that way.... have you had a good sit down, heart to heart with them individually? Maybe they don't understand that this is a very dangerous and unhappy situation for you.

On top of that I think you should seek out a potential roommate. If you can find another (preferably woman) to share the rent, you can get out and start your life over and have the opportunity to do what makes you truly happy and open the door for the man you really want to come in.

I want to tell you that the longer you put it off, the harder it will become. You have ONE life to live. Just ONE... and it could all be over any minute. Live it.. don't lay around and live according to what everyone else thinks you should.
It is NOT THEIR LIFE.

LOVE
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replied June 5th, 2011
i know what you're going through
I have been with my husband for 10 years now and I met him drunk. I didn't know how serious it was until later on. I regret marrying him even though I knew his condition. I am now dealing with all the lies that for some reason or another are coming up from years ago to the present time. I can NO longer deal with this anymore and I am planning on living with my friend and her 2 children...I have 4 children with him, and 4 without that are my sisters kids, i am done and i do believe God is ok with this as he has committed adultery. I am sorry for your situation and maybe you should move somewhere else and start anew. email me at ppbcportland at gmail dot com
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replied June 11th, 2013
Hello. I need some advice. My husband has a drinking problem. Every time he drinks he becomes more and more abusive physically and emotionally. I have been with him off and on for 7 1/2 years now. On top of having a drinking problem he also has a really bad temper. I am a very controlling wife in the sense that I do not agree with him going to bars and clubs. However, he goes behind my back and do it anway. I have spent countless nights waiting up until wee hours in the morning for him to get home. This happens at least once a month to my knowledge and it is the same bar he goes to. He also gets behind the wheel. I have 3 children and of those 3 we have 2 together. One is about to be 4 & my baby just made two. My oldest son from a previous relationship is 10. When he finally gets home I fuss at him and curse, and he puts his hands on me. Last night he choked me several times really hard, my trachea hurts. But he only did this to me after I tried pushing him out of our house bc he was drunk. I asked him to go by his mothers house who lives 2 doors down from us. Once I did that he went on a rampage and slapped me and kept pushing me to the floor and then pushinh my head into the wall, stairs, & kept trying to push me out the door. I can't really defend myself bc he's much stronger than me. I was barely dressed, no shoes, no car or house keys,& no cell phone. Most Iimportantly I did not want to leave my children with him in that state. I cried and asked him repeatedly to please get his hands off me and my throat. Its like he couldn't stop and I begged him every second I had a chance to breathe to please just leave me alone. He kept telling me he wasn't hurting me, but he was. I couldn't believe he was choking me like this. Every time I tried to get away going up the stairs he kept pulling my legs down and choking me all ovet again. Every room I ran into either didn't have a lock or he pushed and cracked it down. I ran to my sons room trying to catch my breathe and find a phone and couldn't stop crying. He came after me again. I'm confused because I feel responsible for how he reacted. But something my mother told me the last episode I had with him almost 8 months ago was to read about bartered woman syndrome. I never read it until tonight. I'm confused. I want this to work, bc I keep seeing him repeat history. And although these episodes are less frequent than years ago, I can feel them becoming more intense. Each time he hits me harder than the last time. I don't look abused. I can't afford to leave, but I feel so violated. I do not get along with his family. And I'm scared to tell my family bc they will put me through hell if I go back to him. My family will disown me if I leave him and decide to go back. I feel like I should leave him, but I don't know if I'm strong enough or ready to be without him. I know once he wakes up he will apologize and tell me it won't haplen again. And part of me will believe him.
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replied June 11th, 2013
Hello. I need some advice. My husband has a drinking problem. Every time he drinks he becomes more and more abusive physically and emotionally. I have been with him off and on for 7 1/2 years now. On top of having a drinking problem he also has a really bad temper. I am a very controlling wife in the sense that I do not agree with him going to bars and clubs. However, he goes behind my back and do it anway. I have spent countless nights waiting up until wee hours in the morning for him to get home. This happens at least once a month to my knowledge and it is the same bar he goes to. He also gets behind the wheel. I have 3 children and of those 3 we have 2 together. One is about to be 4 & my baby just made two. My oldest son from a previous relationship is 10. When he finally gets home I fuss at him and curse, and he puts his hands on me. Last night he choked me several times really hard, my trachea hurts. But he only did this to me after I tried pushing him out of our house bc he was drunk. I asked him to go by his mothers house who lives 2 doors down from us. Once I did that he went on a rampage and slapped me and kept pushing me to the floor and then pushinh my head into the wall, stairs, & kept trying to push me out the door. I can't really defend myself bc he's much stronger than me. I was barely dressed, no shoes, no car or house keys,& no cell phone. Most importantly I did not want to leave my children with him in that state. I cried and asked him repeatedly to please get his hands off me and my throat. Its like he couldn't stop and I begged him every second I had a chance to breathe to please just leave me alone. He kept telling me he wasn't hurting me, but he was. I couldn't believe he was choking me like this. Every time I tried to get away going up the stairs he kept pulling my legs down and choking me all over again. Every room I ran into either didn't have a lock or he pushed and cracked it down. I ran to my sons room trying to catch my breathe and find a phone and couldn't stop crying. He came after me again. I'm confused because I feel responsible for how he reacted. But something my mother told me the last episode I had with him almost 8 months ago was to read about battered woman syndrome. I never read it until tonight. I'm confused. I want this to work, but I keep seeing him repeat history. And although these episodes are less frequent than years ago, I can feel them becoming more intense. Each time he hits me a little harder than the last time. I don't look abused. I can't afford to leave, but I feel so violated. I do not get along with his family. And I'm scared to tell my family bc they will put me through hell if I go back to him. My family will disown me if I leave him and decide to go back. I feel like I should leave him, but I don't know if I'm strong enough or ready to be without him. I know once he wakes up he will apologize and tell me it won't happen again. And part of me will believe him.
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