im 18 now,when i was 11,my dog died,instead of crying like the rest of my family,i stood there looking at them like if they were idiots and i was laughing.i didnt feel that laughing at a death was bad,but my dad got mad at me.about 6 months ago my cousin commited suicide,instead of feeling sadness,i started to laugh at the event.all i said was that he was an fool for commiting suicide.and i just found myself not caring and thinking to myself,why should i care?its not my problem.he killed himself because his mom/my aunt,is dying of cancer,and couldnt deal with it anymore.i just kept laughing to myself on how stupid this entire event was.i didnt even go see my aunt after it happened,on the basis that i simply didnt care and it wasnt my problem.i didnt even go to his funeral.the way i look at,if i wanted to pay him my respects,i would have done it while he was alive.people who dont even talk to you when your alive,and now they are all weeping at your funeral,crying and saying you were a good person.they are all HYPOCRITES!you shouldnt have to wait until someones dead to show your respects.the way i see it,you either liked the person or you dislike them.sorry i got a little off track.anyway,i find myself not caring if my sister or mom were to be killed.say if my mom died in a car crash.instead i feel a little happy about the idea.i wouldnt care,it wouldnt bother me at all,i probably wouldnt even attend the funeral.anyway back to the aunt i was telling you about,she doesnt have much time left,shes already maxed out on her pain meds,but personally i cant wait for it to be done with.first,she could finally just get it done,really she has nothing to live to live for,her son killed himself,shes divorced,and her other kids already have familys of there own,and all the people can finally get over it.then comes the "great awakening".you know, the time where people realize that,life is too short,i have to be a better friend,spend more time with family,and all that garbage.within 2 weeks there back to there old ways.its all a bunch of bull!ive felt this way about death since i was 6 or 7. people think im disturbed when i tell them my view of death.they get outraged for some reason.i dont really care what they think.to me crying about someones death is pointless.tell me,do tears make the person any less dead?will they come back from the dead just because you miss them?people need to be real with themselves.dont get me wrong,i tried to cry,i tried to feel sad about it,i tried to feel a little sad but i couldnt.i simply just dont care.like i said, ive felt this way since i was 6 or7.and the toughts have gotten worse over the years.this isnt a sign of mental illness is it?i have had other symtoms that are presistant since i was a lttle kid.someone please help.so do you think i need to get professional help with this or am i ok?
First I must ask, are you serious? Assuming you are, I would say you are what is called a malignant narcissist. There is probably no professional that can help you, unfortunately overcoming a 'know it all' or 'center of the universe' complex is something you must do on your own. Unfortunately you will probably not be able to do that until it is too late, and the only people that care about are gone. Best of luck with that.
You said you do not see a reason, and earlier called your family "idiots" for mourning over the loss of your family pet. From your egos perspective, sadness does not exist. This may seem to make you feel powerful on some level. However by the contradiction that is you posting here, asking for "help", I would think there is much sadness ingrained in your bravado. It will come out at some point, deep down I think you know its there; which would explain your reason for coming to this site.
It is not normal by any stretch of the imagination. If you are sincere about not wishing this to be you, then you need to first recognize this fact: In order for your experience to change, you must change.
i cant help it though.this is the way i feel.people around me already think i some type nut case.if i tell them this,there is no way they would understand.there is a reason im writing this in the middle of night.
I understand. You do have a serious issue, and I am not saying that from a 'attacking' position. Its not necessarily about being sad, its about you finding humor in it, and totally disregarding others feelings who are indeed upset.
I would say your issue extends far beyond just death. Attacking someone who has committed suicide is a good example. Stating you would actually be happy if your own mother died in a car crash, or that you are ready for your aunt to die because she "has nothing to live for"; these are perfect examples. Those thoughts indicate severe disorder, in my educated opinion.
I got a good idea for you. Go to your mother and tell her what you said, then go to your aunt and tell her the same. I imagine you will find some sadness then, after seeing their heart crushed by your statements. Empathy is a character trait, not a character weakness; therefore the opposite must be true for those without.
Go out and help someone who is in a bad state, this may help you to develop some consideration if nothing else.
ive already told my mom what i feel about her.i didnt get sad.why should i help anyone if no one helps me.ive felt like nearly my entire life,did anyone bother to ask how i was feeling?no!ive always been there for people,asking if they are ok,do they need to talk,giving them advice.ive always been quiet,but now im sick of it!!!not one person has asked me if im ok.now i am sick of it all.sick of other peoples problems,sick of life,and just sick of everyone.no cares about me,why should i care about anyone else?
I'm having a hard time believing any of that. Malignant narcissist only think of themselves. Which is why you just mentioned, "not one person has asked me if I'm okay", then repeated it. Earlier you said, "why should I care", but now you are saying you have concerns about what may be bothering someone else? That does not add up.
You get only what you give in life, nothing comes free, not even love. This is a lesson you should have learned around 6 or 7, instead you coped with the pain by inventing this condition you suffer from. I am willing to bet though, everything has come free in your life, you have been the center of the world for some time now huh.
I think you suffer from both fears, one, that you are not enough. Two, that you will not be loved. And this facade you are putting off is only a rationalization you have installed as a way to protect yourself from these fears. Sad in and of itself, but you are an adult now, its time for you to take responsibility for your own self, for your own thoughts.
You are on here asking if you should feel this way? Again, are you serious? The fact you posted here to begin with says you know the answer to that.
Sadness or crying is a normal way of coping mechanism to get over grief, loss, stress, anxiety or joy. So by crying people get release the emotional stress or build up inside the body. It is a natural way of expressing emotions. Laughing when someone dies relates that you do not acknowledge the seriousness of the situation for those people who were left behing and shows you have no empathy for these people.
If you do not cry what is you coping mechanism for feeling sad, upset, stressed or grieving??
You say that your aunt has nothing to live for but you can in no way be the judge of that. We judge others by our values and beliefs. How do you feel about you dying??? Lots of people are scared of death and when someone dies it shows how fragile we all are ( part of the reason we cry).
I think you might have had some trauma as a child which is unresolved till now and have not learned to cope constructively which will pose a proplem later in life if it has not done so already.
Talking about that you always ask how people feel but nobody asks you is an atention deficit symptom. ANyway I think you should go and see a coucillor or a professional as I do think you have a significant problem which will or already affects you social and personal relations.
Let me ask you, what do you think having this 'frame of mind' will bring to your life, now, and in the future? What do you want from life? Who do you want to be? What do you expect from others that you are not willing to give? Do you ever think you will have love? Do you think you can be this way and experience a true connection with someone besides yourself?