Sexual Health - Men Forum - Lack of penile pleasure

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Q: Lack of penile pleasure

asked by: MyTurn on January 19th, 2009

New User

I know the backstory is long and many will not have time to read it, so I will sum up my depressing problem first, then add the backstory as a footnote.

Basically, I've never had any pleasure from my penis. Masturbation feels like rubbing my arm. I only enjoy the lead up to the orgasm. The orgasm comes out of nowhere. No pleasure then awareness of orgasm. The same with sex (condomless), although the orgasm is better during sex, plus the intimacy is good.

Stats:
Uncircumcized, age 26, not on meds, had a testosterone test: came back average; doctor won't proscribe me testosterone.
__________________________________________ __
Backstory

up to age 14:
- I was attracted to girls, but was always rejected by them for being too ugly.

age 14:
- I noticed guys could be attractive too, and wondered if I may be gay. Unsure, confused. I analysed 24/7 "am I gay?", "why did I feel hetero before?".
- Depression, suicidal; anything associated with gays would cause fear and mild panic.

age 16-22:
- attraction to girls became more noticeable, so I felt confused now. I still thought best to avoid having a girlfriend in case it turned out I was gay and I had to leave her.
- I watched hetero or lesbian porn. On good days, I felt hetero, on depressing days I felt like a gay in denial.
- Fear of anything to do with "anal" even between girl guy, as my mind said: "if they can enjoy it, you can, and be gay". I would have strong panic and anxiety whenever "anal" was mentioned, or needed to leave the room. I would only watch vaginal porn, covering the screen to "screen" it for anal content.
- I had a low libido to girls, and felt no desire for guys. Quite asexual for a teen.

age 23:
- started to masturbate to hetero/lesbian porn. While watching, I got the sensation that the female enjoyed it more (more moaning, more sensitivity, receiver of pleasure, more positions, focus on pleasing her, better/more orgasms, G spot, etc). Jealousy of female sexuality/pleasure arised. The guy seemed to do all the work and get a fraction of her pleasure. It seemed unfair.
- While masturbating, I noticed that it wasn't all my friends said it would be. It was like rubbing my arm. The orgasm was good, but over quickly for all that work. I admit, I masturbated holding the penis shaft, not exposing the head, frenulum, etc.
- I came out to mum, and friends, cousin, aunts, as "(maybe) bi/gay" to see if I was just fearing society's views. It didn't help.
- going on gay forums to ask them how they know they are gay, etc.

age 24/25:
- I found a forum for people with sexual OCDs. I felt comforted, but still like I was the exception. I wondered if I was bisexual or gay.
- I heard on a radio show that a man's G spot is his prostate gland (anal) (my brain said: "you're missing out!, you will cave in, men might as well be gay"), and had a panic attack. Hopitalized. Almost quit university. Overnight in mental hospital. Proscribed but didn't take fluoxetine (family's request). Chest pain from poor breathing. Sleeplessness. Suicide ideation.
- I got a PM on a forum from a woman that said the prostate can be massaged via the perineum somewhat (externally), which calmed my panic gradually (over months).

age 25:
- Did a STUPID thing! I asked a girl out and we started going out. I should have waited more!
- First time sex, couldn't erect. Confused as I would erect to girls by thinking about them or seeing them around town, porn, etc. Was this proof I was gay?
- Worry over non erection made me worry the next couple of times. I wanted to break up over shame and humillation, and hurting her. I would be erect up until penetration, then gone.
- Erect during penetration. I noticed my penis gave me no pleasure (she got pleasure). On realizing this, I felt disappointed and terrible, and my erection went. Every time I analysed my pleasure, my erection would fade.
- Then, I was able to orgasm, but there was no pleasure before it, just like masturbation. The orgasm felt better than mast., and the closeness, intimacy was good. I noticed stimulation to parts that I neglected during masturbation (head, frenulum), but no pleasure.
- I became more aware and jealous of female sexuality, to the point where thinking of female pleasure or seeing pretty women made me similar panic to the gay/anal fear from before.
- Ironically, I resorted to the G spot info that almost killed me before. I researched prostate stimulation, and bought myself an Aneros (aneros.com), and got no pleasure out of that either.

Lack of penile pleasure

And I am still with my girlfriend over 1/2 a year later. I love her and seem to care less about my sexuality and more about my pleasure. I've switched from worrying 24/7 about sexuality to being mostly consumed by lack of penile pleasure/comparing female orgasms/passivity (read: passively receiving multiple orgasms) 24/7 (googling, etc). I want sex with my girlfriend only to realize my penis isn't giving me pleasure. I just wait for the orgasm. I worry about performance before sex. Intermittently, every month or so, I lose erection during sex, and feel like dying or breaking up.

I want my relationship with my girlfriend to be full, equal, and normal (both pleasure). If after, I find out I am gay, so be it, but for now, all I want is her and penile pleasure.

My depression, sexuality, and female sexuality jealousy can't be the cause as:
- sometimes, I'm not depressed when I masturbate.
- My jealousy has only skyrocketed lately.

I even tried to watch a gay porn but just felt anxious.

I saw a doctor, who told me that my problem is psychological, and that some people are just not that into sex, or don't get that much pleasure from it. That depressed me even more.

I spend my rare free time googling "lack of pleasure", etc, and only get females with this problem. However, they get offered resorts and explanations: "tell your boyfriend to do X, focus on your clitoris, foreplay, take it slow, lube up, see your gyn", or "I had this - until I met my current boyfriend". For me, it seems there is no help!

I'm scared to initate sex sometimes because it might go wrong or terrible. I am desperate for help. This is on my mind all the time. I am a messed up guy. My life is terrible. Right now, I feel anxious, chest build-up. I feel great with my gf, then when the weight of this hits me again, I can barely face her, and feel nothing but depression.

Was I just unlucky enough to never feel pleasure? Are my receptors dull? Do I have a urology problem? Why the lack of libido also? When I want to have sex, then get it, I'm disappointed with the lack of penile pleasure, which kills my libido further. I only enjoy sleeping. I hate waking up. Facing this crappy life I have. I tried St Johns Wort, but nothing. I've tried positive thinking. I've tried focusing on HER pleasure, on mine.

When I watch TV and see an attractive guy, I fear his face will pop up during sex later. Then I have THAT battle too. One time, I wanted to see if it would help or kill sex. It just made me lose concentration. I would have prefered to be straight with a normal penis or gay with a normal penis, but this confusion/pleasureless life is no life at all. I can't convey in words how depressed I feel. Crossing the road and not looking, etc.

I get turned on but extremely jealous of my girlfriend's pleasure during sex. Her passiveness and sensitivity while I pleasure her. She has the experience I want.

At one point, I even wondered if my girlfriend's having a baby before we met, made her wider (less tightness), but, I have to face it. I have the problem. Not her.

Can I train my penis to be sensitive, or is my fate to just miss out on sexual pleasure forever? Can a urologist help or will I just get told "I'm normal"/"not that sexual" again? Is there anyone in the world like me?

Replies(1)

cbt

replied on March 14th, 2009

New User

cbt

Hi man sorry for my english... Yea someone like you exist in this f...g world. You story is similar to me. I'm 25 now, i met last year amazing girl. And what happen, we started to have sex and what?? I had a lot problems with erections, and completly lack of pleasure from my penis when i was inside, only on missioanry position i had some feelings bc i controled all proces (i was more self-confident). We end our realtionship after 3 month. I started looking in net answers what is going one with me??? And i found answer --> masturbation to porn!!! I was masterbate to porn almost everyday for 5 years...(im very shame now of this) I and you we aren't gay, it is bc normal girl don't arouse so much (like porn), we started to late our intercourses or too big break, and we masturbated with our hands with heavy grip around penis, thats why soft wagina can't do it for us (our nerves in penis aren't so sensitive now...) (and i was always very nervous before sex bc i was thinking abaout erection penis pleasure and it is also reason ). I read some story, some man in our age start intercourses, and have the same!!! And professional sexuologist answered him --> it's becasue he masturbated to porn too long and normal girl cant aroused him now (look in google something like 'inprinting'). Sexuologist didn't answer him what he can do now... He only invited him to his gabinet (question of money)

Im very confused now, also in totaly depresion from 2 months...

Only what I can propose you to stop masturbation and porn, you can buy some l-Arginine eat 2-3 grams one hour before intercourse (your erections should be stronger and more sensitive), and when you start your intercourse relax and start thinking about something dirty with your g/f you will be more horny, also think about her pleasure i think it is bigger pleasure. If you will be more horny and self-confident you will have more pleasure. You can try do something like this: don't reach orgasm, before orgasm stop for a moment and then start again you penis will be more sensitive. And start eat something sweet like chocolate
your dopamine level will be higher.

If you still in this forum answer me if something change in your sex life/life it is the same for me...

If anyone have some suggestion, maybe similar stories with happy end it will be very helpfull...

Sorry for my english again... and good luck man!!!

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