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Lack of affection

I'm not getting much of it. I've been with my significant other for almost a year now and it's always been this way. He touches me in sexual ways, grabs my breasts or pinches my butt..things of that nature but he doesn't hug me, he doesn't kiss me and when he does it's a peck. Again, this isn't something that's new, even in the beginning when he was clearly quite taken with me he wasn't touchy feely. It's becoming a problem for me, he can't even say I love you unless I ask him. I'm wondering if he has some sort of problem perhaps due to past relationships, if he might need some help. I don't think it's normal to be that way. I have a hard time being myself with him, I feel strange touching him, or trying to hug him, like he doesn't want it or like it's out of line.

What can I do about this? I've talked to him before and he has made an effort but there still hasn't been much of a change. Infidelity isn't an issue..from what he has told me his ex complained that he wasn't touching her either. They had a rocky relationship..she basically stalked him to his place of employment on a daily basis, called dozens of times daily, wouldn't allow him to go out without her or have friends and even hit him a few times, all this for 7 yrs. I'm thinking this is part of his problem. Any input?
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replied September 17th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
Touch is usually a trait learned as a child. He probably just didn't get a lot of physical affection so he doesn't express his love that way as an adult. For the most-part you're going to have to accept that this is the way he is. You could try to train him to be more physically loving but you have to realize that this isn't necessarily comfortable for him. It may be easier to move on to someone who wants the same kind of contact you do.
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replied October 25th, 2009
Family traits do follow you to a point. My family was not very affectionate but I for some reason turned out the opposite. I need affection and I like showing it. If you knew this going in then it should not be a surprise now. Just don't give up if you love him and he loves you. Talk it out and keep trying. A relationship is work in progress and never ends. Don't push or you may push him farther away from you. If his family was not close and did not show affection then it is going to take time for him to learn how to do it openly. I'm new here but I have had my up and downs and I have learned a lot about relationships. Just my opinion.
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replied October 25th, 2009
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i agree with the above poster! my ex mimic his step father who wasn't affectionate.
i talked to him and he tired but he didnt have it in him, and i felt like a flower that needed water and was dying in that relationship.
the ex could be part of the equation. i think you should work with him, teach him and see if it works.
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