About four years ago, I was diagnosed as bipolar. It was then that my whole world fell apart. My boyfriend of five years left me. He called on the phone and screamed at me while I just stood there . . . I was, needless to say, very heartbroken, because I had been doing everything I could to "get better." I was on meds and getting therapy and doing everything possible. But it still wasn't enough for him. Some time later and I met several more guys who also left me because of my disorder. It didn't matter that I was doing everything in my power to help myself. They never stayed around. Tonight I was dumped yet again. But this time I got cut really deep. This was a guy who, in my loneliness and desperation, I had met and fell in love with online. We were dating for weeks. We talked about meeting each other, even living together. We were in love and he promised to never leave me. He lied. Tonight he sent me an email saying I treated him "like dirt" and that he loved me but we were going to wind up "destroying each other" unless he left me. I was a little shocked. We'd had one petty argument and he was bailing. My heart crumbled to ash . . . because it was then that I realized no matter what I do, no one is ever going to love me. So I decided to come off my meds and leave my clinic. What's the point in trying when every guy I love is just going to leave? I never did anything to this guy but love him. I never did anything to any of them but love them . . . and they left me. After saying he would never leave, he left me. After saying he loved me . . . God, the past ten or so years have been so bad, and I don't see them getting any better. I actually thought about killing myself tonight. What's the point? What's the point of anything? I had been painting a picture of that guy. He inspired me. He made me feel alive again. Now? Now I just want to lock my door and never get out of bed. I don't know what to do. I'm only 24 and yet it seems as if my life is over.
When i was younger i was required to visit psycologists and it was always great. They are professionals at listening to your problems and can help you develop a plan to change what you don't like about yourself.
The problem isn't that people don't love you. It's that they don't stay with you long enough for it to grow into something else.
I'd assume you feel better when you get a new boyfriend because you are actually getting the love you need. you just need to hire a professional to listen to your problems, so you don't bombard the people close to you. then he/she can help you develope a plan to change anything about yourself you don't like.
Your life is not over.....you need to change your behaviors....and that might require getting the proper meds. I dated someone who has B-Polar/Borderline Personality Disorder and also has several other goodies so I know a little about the struggle you are going through. Please seek help and allow a professional to help guide you. Life is what you make of it hon...you know you have a condition so get the proper help. You can have not only a great life.....but a wonderful one if you do the proper things!