I lost my mother February 1, 2012. Though she had been dealing with Cancer, her death took us by surprise. She didn't know it was going to end. We watched her suffer as it totally took her over, causing her so much pain. She was my world, and I miss her so much. Not sure how to move forward, as I feel like a lost child in search for my mother. I need to know she is at peace. I feel like I should have helped her and for this I need to know she forgives me and my siblings for not acting fast enough...we just didn't know it was consuming her. I just don't know how we got here. One day me and my sister was taking her to doctor appointments, laughing spending time together, and then she was gone. None of it sits well in my heart and soul. This is the worst pain I have ever experienced, and I don't know how to channel it. My mother was an entricle part of my family and now that entricle piece of the puzzle is missing we are all lost.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can completely understand your emotions. I lost my mother on February 4, 2012. I can barely cope. No one seems to be as impacted as I am. The pain is indescribable. While I try to grieve, I'm faced with so many other issues with an ex husband, children, finances, hateful and jealous family members, and my own stress that is breaking me down.
Hi... I lost my mother on February 8th and am still in shock.. she was diagnosed on the 27th of Feb with lung cancer and was dead within a month.. I flew in to see her on the 1st of feb and she was gone a week later.. I was able to be with her when she died. but like you guys am just not able to cope with it all... I feel so much regret and sorrow... to many would of could of and should ofs fill my head... it happened way to fast.. my heart is broken!!!!
I totally can relate to both of your replies. I too seem to be the one taking it the hardest or maybe it's just I am the one openly showing it, I don't know. I cry everyday. I sit with regrets wondering what we could have done to help (save) her. They removed 99% of a mass in her chest wall on Nov 29, 2011....99%. Six weeks later, the sarcoma had returned and was larger than it was the day they removed it. We were all sucker punched to include her, and even then, she thought they could help her. This was a devastating year, as I had bilateral mastectomy Feb 3, 2011. My mom was right there with me the whole way through. Just as I was at the home stretch of my plastic surgery, she was diagnosed, and now she is gone.......and it is tearing me apart. I don't know if it's what I went through with my cancer that makes me feel more connected or what, but I do know that this pain which has ripped my soul is unbearable. My siblings, (there are 5 of us) all seem to be coping, but I just seem to be going through the motions of life, barely making it through a day at work and the rest of the time I sit and cry. My heart too is broken.
I to wonder over and over how I could of saved her... I am a hippy and have studied alternative medicine.. I help all my friends heal.. why o why did I let my mother go on with her bad ways. I know in my heart that she never would of listened... ( chain smoker for 55 years ) I actually didn't visit the last few years becuase it was too hard to see her soooo stuck in her body and not do anything about it.. I feel soooo much regret for not forcing her... like I said before so many would of could of and should of's... this sorrow is killing me... I live in Brooklyn Ny.. she lived in Ft lauderdale... I have been at her house since the day she died and just can't seem to leave... even though I definitly have responsibilites back there... Its like time stopped the second she died... I just can't believe my heart can handle this much pain... I know for all of us it is still so fresh.. they say time will make it better but for me I feel the opposite... I feel like I can still hear her voice echo in my ear.. but with time will that fade... all I know is that the only person who ever made me feel better is gone FOREVER!!!!
No matter how hard I wish.. or replay everything the end result is the same... she is gone...
For me, the word "Time" is my enemy, because it's the one thing that I now have no more of.....time. I pray for her to come to me in my dreams just something for me to know she is okay. It's a scary feeling to have this amount of pain rip at my soul, and to have my heart weep so. I read her obituary everyday and just keep asking how did we get here.
My mother passed away Feb. 18, 2012. She had suffered bouts of congestive heart failure seveal times in the past ... and this particular episode didn't seem as harsh as others. She was alert and responsive up until the end; and the doctors and nursing staff were all surprised at how quickly she passed. I have never been so devastated and shocked to get a phone call like that. I run the events of the days prior to her death over and over in my head. I should have visited her more often, I shouldn't have left the hospital that night, I should have done more. How could I have not seen that her death was so close at hand? How could the doctors not know? I am lost in my grief ... going about the routine tasks of the day ... no one knowing how I feel...
Hi there, I feel you're pain. My mother passed away on the 27th Feb, after complaining of pain in her upper stomach and heart (she'd has previous heart attacks and had an ICD for about 10 years - which is similar to a pace-maker). She went into hospital for exactly 4 wks and returned home and started to feel better; pain was under control, becoming more mobile and had put on weight (1/2 stone, which was un-usual for mum). Then on the sunday before passing, was very sleepy (hadn't been sleeping properly for about 4 days) and passed away in her sleep with no pain the day before and cause of death was congestive heart failure. I still re-live each moment of the 3 wks, when she was @ home, as I was caring for mum day & night and keep on thinking what could I have done differently and this has been eating me up inside. Even small chores, like the food shopping, going to the bank etc, are really painful and I always keep on thinking what could I have done more and have this constant ache in the pit of my stomach. The GP and cardian nurse, couldn't quite accept mum's passed away, when I called them that morning and I was sitting there, thinking mum was not expecting to go yet and it wasn't her time. What has really got me through the last 2 wks, is my faith and this has given me the courage and strength to get up each morning, first think about mum in my quiet way and then carry out my daily duties. Whats worse, is I live next door to mum and when I come on the drive morning and evening after work, I just want to go into mum's house and say hiya - as normal and then reality sets in. I feel your pain and the only advice I can give is, to live every day in honour of your beloved mother, make her proud and think about her in everything you do - this will give comfort in time (and anyone who has lost both parents, like me will understand what I am saying). God Bless you, have courage, strength and honour your parents, as they live on inside you and are always with you in everything you do. Bxxx
I am sorry to hear about your loss. It's been just over a month, and my pain is still overwhelming. I too am going about daily routines not really sharing my feelings. No one really wants to hear my stories, see my pain, and every day, I want to talk about it, discuss exactly how we got here, my mother's death, why. For everyone else, it's enough, they are trying to move forward, I on the other hand and stuck with grief, questions, regret, anger, pain, and lost.
I know it's difficult, to openly share with close family and friends. I totally feel you pain. We are there for you and through this website, we can support and listen to each other and I always find writing things down really helps especially when you remember something to you want to say to mum but then the reality sets in again, that she's gone and you go through all the sad emotions again & again. Bless you and reach out to people via this website, we're here for you. Bxxx
Well today is a tough day. Some days I can get through, but today seems tougher. Been crying since I woke up, remembering putting the speaker to my mom's ear when Bridge Over Troubled Water was playing. Though she wasn't woke at the time (medicated), I remember a lonely tear running down her face.