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Just for the spouses of people with bipolar. Rant,rave or whatev (Page 1)

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This is for the people who love someone with bipolar. Loving someone with bipolar is not easy. I know,Ive been doing it for years. Every time I turn around I am in trouble,dealing with a "mistake" I made or dealing with some trouble my wife has gotten into. When is it time to say enough is enough? protest My wife would say,well,my wife probably wouldnt say anything unless I pushed her too hard. She would avoid it until the last possible second and then explode on me. Then she would turn it into my fault and talk about something I did wrong 6 months ago. She is smart,but Im catching on covermouth Another thing is how the smallest of indescretions become the biggest deal in the world! But when she does something,oh say, like not pay the freaking mortgage for 3 months!!! Its like "Im not going to apologize or even acknowledge that its wrong!" Yeah,honestly I dont care if bipolar people or others respond to this post because my experience with this web site is that it is very selfish and self centered,which honestly doesnt surprise me. There, I said it. Are you happy now?
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First Helper User Profile soucie
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Users who thank Barto for this post: wendylady79 

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replied December 1st, 2008
Experienced User
I personally feel this particular post is a bit outside of the purposes of this site. Perhaps I am wrong, but I consider this site to be a support forum for those who are working through living with a bipolar disorder and secondarily, a support for those who have loved ones with BP.

If however, in looking for support, you find that you have to denigrate and degrade the very people who this site is designed to support, then I personally find this post to be totally inappropriate.

If this site is not a good fit for you, then perhaps your search for the right online community is yet complete.
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replied December 1st, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
I'm sorry you are going through a rough time with your wife. Try contacting your local chapter of NAMI. Look online at Nami dot org.
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replied December 1st, 2008
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because i have bipolar all i'm going to say is... ha! puzzld
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replied December 2nd, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Barto, you are having a fairly normal reaction to a very difficult situation. I am not married to the people with bipolar disorder. They are my children. There are days that I must really watch what I say because I get so worn down with the behaviors, day after day. I try to keep in mind that these behaviors are a manifestation of the disorder. It is difficult to deal with. I do not believe in letting the disorder run the show, though. My son is being taught that having a disorder is not an excuse for poor behavior or a lousy attitude. We are trying to instill in him a sense of accountability for his actions. He, too, will blame the entire world for his mistakes and for his poor choices. I allowed some of this but he is getting to an age where this is not going to serve him well as an adult. He needs to learn coping skills. He needs to learn to take responsibility for his actions. Your wife probably did not learn those skills. Cognitive behavioral therapy would help her to develop some of those skills. That may be something to think about.

The irresponsibility and flip attitude is common in bipolar disorder. It is not an excuse but a simple fact. You would do yourself a huge favor by going to a support group for family members dealing with bipolar disorder. You would have others around you that understand the frustration and challenge of dealing with this disorder. You need the outlet. You need to find a release. Try it. You may find that others have solutions for some of what you deal with. Hang in there.
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replied December 2nd, 2008
soucie
I find it personally offensive that you would say I am taking this site out of context. Why? Because I dont have bipolar disorder? So in looking for support and taking a cue from puzzld and ranting and raving about my situation,Ive somehow done something wrong? Says who? You? Im sorry if you think its ok for one group of individuals to say something and if others do the same its not,but I dont know what to tell you. I read puzzld post and in seeing that she said it was for people with the disorder to rant and rave I thought "what a good idea. Bipolar disorder affects everyone who is involved,not just those with the disorder!" Maybe Im not expressing myself correctly or appropriately but to tell the truth,I didnt come here to do that! I came here to do exactly what I said. Rant and rave! Im sorry if you guys cant accept that,but Im tired of not saying exactly how I feel. I thought THAT was what this site was for.
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replied December 2nd, 2008
Experienced User
Actually, I'd say that's what therapy is for. You acknowledge that what you were saying was inappropriate and potentially offensive and yet you posted it anyway AND you did it with an attitude that might as well included flipping us all off.

For me, reading your post was fine until the last part. Then I really didn't feel comfortable with 1) the attack you made on the bipolar community, and 2) being part of a forum that allows someone to insult a specific group of people who actively participate on the forum, 3) the idea that others may follow your lead and think it's okay to bash those with bipolar.

I feel that Puzzld's post is fine because no one is using it (thus far or as far as I know) to insult other people participating on the board. I don't want to get a string of people bashing people with bipolar; this is hard enough as it is without the added stress of being reminded how we are just ruining other people's lives and making them miserable. We already know that. I don't need to be reminded. And if you think YOUR life is miserable, imagine what your wife's is like. I know you can't even come close to imagining it without living it.

If your life is so miserable with your wife, then take some action. Work with her to get her stabilized (yes, it is possible). Tell her this is a dealbreaker in your marriage (if it truly is). Find a support group. Get into therapy. Change your attitude so you can figure out how to flow around her. Develop a system with her to minimize the areas that she doesn't handle well (i.e., you handle the mortgage), learn to give her space, how to respond when she does x, y, z.

I get that you are offended that I called you out, but I have a right to defend myself and what I believe is in the best interest of this community. I personally do not feel comfortable in a place where I (and others) can be bashed and insulted by other members due to the nature of a condition we inherited.

I simply did not feel good about what you wrote nor about the direction that particular topic could go in.

And I find it most interesting that you call us out as being selfish and self-centered, and yet... you didn't care about being appropriate ("I didn't come here to do that") in your post because all you wanted to do was to "rant and rave" and say exactly what you felt, even if it insulted other people on the board. Absolutely fascinating.
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replied December 2nd, 2008
ok
Actually,I didnt acknowledge that it was offensive. I did say that it might not be appropriate,but I alsp DID acknowledge that I didnt come here to be politically correct. The attack I made was in jest partly and partly how I really felt. Maybe Im being too honest,but I can see now how that could possibly offend someone. Please accept my apology. Im not trying to lead people to bash the bipolar community,simply trying to get out the horrible feelings. I realize you think that your life simply HAS to be so much harder than mine because youre afflicted with bipolar,and I accept that. I also realize that I would never be able to change your mind or try to get you to see things through the eyes of someone who doesnt have bipolar. Just like you said. I wouldnt understand,and neither would you. Maybe I came to the wrong place for help or support. I wasnt personally attacking you either soucie. I was bit(hing about my situation. While some of the things I said may be considered cold,my experience with my current situation has greatly contributed to that. You were the one who took this in that direction. Others were being supportive and helpful. Puzzld wrote that her topic was specifically for people with bipolar too vent their frustration and maybe I shouldve said the same so that I wouldnt be defending myself and actually getting some advice or help. I didnt come here for more conflict. I can see now that my post caused this reaction by you too happen,but I promise you that is not what I was trying to accomplish. I laughed when I read puzzld post. I thought she is right. Thats a good idea. Maybe I was just looking for someone who could identify. I dont know. This clearly is not the place for me to vent.
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replied December 2nd, 2008
Your choice...
Barto,

What I think people don't appreciate is you coming in here and beginning your post with "honestly I don't care if bipolar people or others respond to this post because my experience with this web site is that it is very selfish and self centered". That statement alone indicates that you're not really here looking for help but rather here to be confrontational.

You have three choices with regards to your current situation: keep the status quo, seek out help and try to resolve the situation, or leave her (with all that entails).

As far as I'm concerned, here's the huge difference between your situation and someone with BP. You said: "think that your life simply HAS to be so much harder than mine because youre afflicted with bipolar,and I accept that. I also realize that I would never be able to change your mind or try to get you to see things through the eyes of someone who doesnt have bipolar. Just like you said. I wouldn't understand,and neither would you." You can leave whenever the heck you want. We're stuck with BP for the rest of our lives. You can leave, we can't.

Deal with it. Ask for help or guidance. Ask for sympathy. But don't come here moaning and groaning about how we can't understand, change our minds, or whatever.

We're all willing to help, I'm sure you can appreciate that by browsing the forum. We're all willing to offer moral support. But insults aren't the way to go.
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replied December 2nd, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Yikes, this is getting to be a sparring match. Try to keep in mind that bipolar disorder is difficult to deal with, both for the person afflicted with the disorder and the family members of that person. We need to give each other a wide berth here and offer support, even to stressed out family members. Be kind and tolerant with any comments. Keep comments toned down and nonjudgemental and nobody will be offended. Enough said.
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replied December 2nd, 2008
I can agree to that
I wasnt trying to cause such a huge problem here. It was half a joke but it has gone too far. Maybe Im too sensitive to this issue and should keep my thoughts to myself. i can see with my reaction that this was obviously not a joke and I have some pent up resentment towards well, bi polar. Misguided I know and please dont crucify me for saying that. Im being honest, but fighting with people I dont even know after the fact does seem silly and unnecessary. Sorry I caused such a problem and thank goodness for antigone. Moaning and groaning Johnathan56 was exactly what I had set out to do when I originally wrote this post. That was the whole point. I saw a post that said for bipolar people only in what puzzld wrote and when I went inside it had a disclaimer saying that people without bi polar should respect your privacy and kindly make their way out of that particular post. So I did. I respected that. But at the same time i thought it would be nice if I could do the same and vent my own frustrations without the fear of being criticized for it. My mistake. I should have written a disclaimer of my own. Would that have stopped all the negativity Ive recieved? Probably not. But at least then I could have said" This is ONLY for people who DONT have bipolar and just want to get some things off their chest" And no, I dont have just good things to say. Thats not life. I was venting. There is a certain safety in a chat room that you cant get in real life. If there is anywhere I should be able to express my feelings,good or bad it should be in here. Of course thats only my opinion.
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replied December 2nd, 2008
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barto, you have a place here Cool puzzld
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replied December 23rd, 2008
ranting is not productive get a therapist
Us crazy people cannot help it if we are and act crazy, and complaining about the symptoms of someone's mental illness is like griping you have to wait hand a foot on someone paralyzed from the neck down! If you need to vent, see a therapist. Don't inflict your frustration on those who are already burdened enough by struggling with the same subjects of your frustrations.

Plus, I think groups of "supporters" who get together to gripe behind their "loved one's" back are only reinforcing each others' frustrations and self-justifying their own bad behaviors.
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replied December 24th, 2008
phantosmia
Your post cant be how all people with bi polar feel. EVERYONE in life has struggles and deals with pain,anger frustration,depression. This is the kind of post that seems to use bi polar as an excuse. Maybe my issue us that I think you should still be held accountable and not given a crutch but all i EVER hear is "we cant help it" and "its not our fault". Do you realize how discouraging it is to realize you'll be living with someone who will ALWAYS think this way? Its obvious thats how it is because thats all I ever hear. Its a forum and I will post how I feel IF I WANT TOO! Im sorry your burden is greater than mine Phantosmia. I wont leave my wife. I cant afford therapy. Not everything is black and white. I need HELP.ANSWERS. My frustration boiled over and I lashed out.I have a knack for cutting straight through the crap and getting to the point,and that offends people sometimes. Im not trying to do that. Maybe Im not smart enough to know the difference. My wife has GREAT qualities. She is strong and passionate,intense,VERY smart,loving,driven. Amazing in alot of ways. But she can be SO cold and cruel. Say bad,hurtful things. Like Ive never experienced. This is pain Ive never felt and for the life of me I dont understand. Please stop trying to write me off. Prove me wrong and help me.
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replied December 28th, 2008
I'm in love w/ a 48yo undiagnosed BP man
I need some support, I guess that's why I'm here searching for comfort & answers.
I'm very deeply in love with someone who I strongly believe is bipolar. He recently has asked for help & admitted he needs it/meds too. He also may have some medical issues. He says he has hit bottom & is ready, but very scared.I can see his patterns.I try to not pressure him & just remind him of things & that they will get better if he does the work.
I've tried to help him -taken him to get help & we have made appointments for medical & mental etc...
He has made a mess of his life-loss of job, no income, evades responsibilities, no phone & also got a DWI & lost his license & NOW maybe even losing his home.He's very depressed right now.
I have been his main support & he has even told me no one else has been there for him like I am, although for years someone has always bailed him out, it isn't the same as him actually making the attempts to better himself & function like a normal human being.
We are very close, get a long very well & have many many things in common. He has even told me that I'm so close to his life that he feels very vulnerable & scared to death.Lots of sparks most of the time & then he flip flops & at times I feel devastated.
We have been friends for at least 5 years, were seeing eachother for a few months a couple of years ago & then he ran away. We remained close friends over the years & he has even lived at my home at times. After he ran away the first time, I always felt for him, but expected nothing more to happen-afraid of getting hurt again. When we met up, he came onto me & during this past year things have really grown between us.Everyone even says how great we are together & man oh man, I love him & want him so....Even he realizes.
I believe we were meant for eachother & to grow old together & I think he feels the same, but does the flip flop on occasion & it is very confusing & hurtful & makes me feel rejected by him. He even apologized for it yesterday so he's aware of it too.
It stinks being on an emotional rollercoaster, but I'm remaining by his side, although I love him very much, I don't know where I stand from one day to the next with him. I guess I have to remain his friend & try to be as supportive as possible, but it is way hard!I wonder what will happen when he gets the help & meds-does anyone out there have any personal experience with this-I love this man & I'm hoping he levels out & decides to go for it wholeheartedly.
"It's hard to wait around for something that you know might never happen, but it's even harder to give up, when you know in your heart, it's everything you ever wanted!!"
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replied December 28th, 2008
continued from above
BTW,some background about him. He's a vet, divorced, his parents are both deceased, children live locally with hostile ex wife & they are teenagers & siblings live across the country. Lost a few friends in military & recently lost his older brother to ulcerative colitis.He self medicates with alcohol & pot.
I took him to courts, VA hospital & we got his benefits for the first time in years.
I am also going threw trmendous amounts of stress in my own life & the VA offers support for people like me so I may just do that for my own sanity.
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replied December 28th, 2008
again cont. more thoughts & stuff
I kept thinking about this all day.It's playing over & over in my brain & making me nuts!
I keep thinking about all that we have shared & talked about. He has a big problem with not working or providing-he said in the beginning of round 2 that was an big issue for him & that he couldn't have a girlfriend that way. We proceeded anyways & spent everyday working on his house & doing things with our kids for 5 months, basically living together. It was great & even though things were tight $ wise for him, we had a great fun summer & accomplished a lot.I am weirded a bit because he can't just come out & say he loves me too.He says & does things all the time that make me feel like he really does love me,he says he really likes me, teases me cause he really cares about me,even told me to run in the other direction as he was kissing my ear. He also told me after our 1st trip to the VA hospital that any man in his right mind would want to marry me.Why say it, if he wasn't thinking it. Later, I told him I have no desire to marry again, but would live with the right person committed like a marriage.
I think I even overheard him say he loves me to himself out loud one night this past summer. He told me 1 time while drunk that he loved me. He told our friend that he purposely didn't tell me he loved me like he didn't even remember when he was drunk that he told me.I wonder why he "purposely" didn't-lol?
When this recent episode started, we hit a rough spot this past October. We weren't intimate as often & he said he had problems with not maintaining a HO.He just shut down & I am very in tune with what's coming at me so I kinda weirded & got hurt feelings.
I got upset because the I love you thing is important to hear even if someone shows you in many ways that they care deeply for you.
It's like he runs from it because he feels it & it scares the crap out of him.He has told me it scares the crap out of him many times.I confronted him about my feelings for him & the situation because previously he mentioned me moving in with him & i wanted to know if he still wanted me too. I explained that this is very confusing & it makes me feel hurt & rejected. He was flipflopping hot & heavy & fun & cold & distant& depressed.
He said he felt like he was using me (I spent big $ this past summer on his house, my house & all else), he went on to say he wasn't leading me on/he didn't mean too & he didn't know what he wanted & that i could be the right one for him -he said he is a mess & doesn't know what he wants. I got upset & left & within 45 mintues he showed up with his friend at the bar where I went & at the end of the night he wanted me to come home with him so i figured he's just scared & let it go.He told me he isn't ready to commit & I think it's because of all he's going threw, but I would take him for better or worse even though I will not marry again.We agreed to be friends. I had a hard time with it all & stayed away for a while. He owed me money & I needed some help so I went to see him a few times briefly. I found him at the bar 2x & he had just gotten a DWI & they took his license awaiting court, not to mention he was spending money & owed me so we had a tiff about it.I left him notes at his house explaining how bad it will get if he gets locked up in jail etc... He then agreed he will lose everything including his house so he better get some help & meds.This is very hard for him to take, he's a very strong strapping marine guy, yet he is overwhelmed, feeling hopeless,cornered,& scared. He let me take him to the VA hospital, court, store etc...I go to his house to visit when I went to see his house a few weeks ago,I went there to say hello & see how he is doing & he was very affectionate & made serious advances.I left that night & since then, we have kinda resumed things, still hot & cold depending on the day, he seems to be giving me & his feelings a lot more thought. He seems to realize he is on & off like a lightswitch with me & we have hit upon that subject a little recently. Like I said before he even apologized last night & admitted he flip flops. I don't want to pressure him or chase him (away) so I try not to press the issue & see where it goes. He is the type that will not be pushed & runs so why pressure him that way, maybe if I chill he will come around on his own right? That is what he seems to do.
THAT ALL SOUNDS GOOD RIGHT_HUH-
Yesterday I went to see him, he was down & quiet & unmotivated-not his normal self. He's made a few worrisome comments. Last night, I tried to get him to leave his house just to get a break away & he won't. He says he's gonna stay there to tend to the woodstove etc...
I told him he needs to get out & like usual once he does he will feel better, but he still wouldn't budge.I got emotional & ticked & told him he is a lucky guy to be so loved, I can't remember everything I said, but wanted him to say ok he'll come with me-nope.He said he is confusing, keeps flip flopping & it must suck for me.I flipped him both birds. I got frustrated & huffy & like an ass I told him I could have anyone I want, but it doesn't matter because I don't want them. He just stood there looking at me like he was listening, like he cared, but was numb or didn't know what to say back. I left & when I got to the driveway I beeped & he opened the window & I told him I will be there tomorrow to pick him up for his morning appointment with the unemployment/VA workshop.
I'm not sure how to act tomorrow morning, but I think I will just be quiet & stand offish a little. my son will be with us in the car. If he talks about it I'll listen & if he makes advances, I will just tell him I love him & want him too,we'll see what happens when he takes meds, but I can't be flipflopped & hurt anymore. It's very hurtful & if I didn't know he is probably (I think definitely) bipolar, it would feel like a huge,sick,cruel game to play with someones emotions. I don't want to kid myself, but inside I just have a feeling that he really does love me & is making me a part of his life & his treatment because he really does. He has all the symptoms & erratic behaviors described on line. I told him the meds will help him with many different things & I'm wondering if they will help me to see where this is headed. I am willing to walk the road with him & be a part of his treatment & support, but I would feel much stronger if I knew for sure.
Thanks for listening everybody & please share anything helpful. Good luck to you & PEACE!
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replied December 30th, 2008
LONG VENTING POST-I'm a mess today!
I went to his house in the morning, he was still sleeping & stunk badly like perspiring booze.We were late getting there, but I took him to the unemployment VA workshop.I split my breakfast with him, brought him to the store & then afterward we went to his house & hung out with my young son.
He mentioned me making dinner for him later. He only had 5 chicken drumsticks in the frig so i tried to figure out a plan with the little money I had. Figured more chicken & simple sides.
He was wishy washy & not acting good so I asked him if he wanted to get out of the house or if he wanted me to leave. he kept saying he didn't know what he wanted, felt hungover, tired etc...I decided I was leaving & went to the door feeling uncomfortable. My son was getting his boots on.I was feeling uncomfortable & kinda lost.I have a difficult situation of my own & really didn't want to be alone either.He knows I have my own crap & acted understanding at this point.While I was standing there in the doorway he came to me & said what are you doing ?& I said I don't know I guess I'm leaving cause you don't act like you want me here or to make dinner & he asked me to stay & we'll work dinner out etc... I said ok, felt better & stayed.
I went out to the store for a few things & came back & we made dinner.He borrowed my car to go down the street (wasn't drinking,he has no license now), but it was only down the street so i didn't fuss-it's a private rd off of a back road.He didn't return for over an hour & just when I started getting nervous he showed up.
Just as dinner was done, his daughter & ex wife showed up (parked behind me) to do laundry & his 15 yo daughter had some posters for "her" room (she doesn't stay over at his house & that is usually where we sleep together when I stay over there.)
I went in to see what he was hanging up on the wall with her & his ex wife was curled up in the spot I usually sleep in --even after they were done hanging things she laid there for a half hour cuddled up. It kinda rubbed me the wrong way, but I just cleaned up after dinner & didn't say much at all.
He came into the kitchen & mentioned it was weird how his ex wife was laying in the bed & I said yeah, a lil over the top & he giggled about it. That hurt me. I went outside to cool off & count to 10. When I came back inside the kitchen he was standing there with his daughter talking about an old girlfriend (Iknow &introduced him to in the past)& then I just lost it & walked past them & shot him a killer look.He said something about me giving him dirty looks, I said, this is between me & you & I will not say what I have to say to you in front of them, I will talk with you later about it & it's BS & walked back outside.
I came back in a few minutes to check on my son again & went to the bathroom upset. When I came out his ex started in on me about how she was sorry, it didn't mean anything & how they are always welcome there at his house etc... I never said a word to her about anything, apparently he did when i went outside. As she rattled loudly, I didn't disagree, that is her daughters dads house, I think she's a good kid & the ex does the laundry there -whoopie.The ex & I got along great previously & now something is weird, but it isn't them getting it on or anything, it's like she went off her med & acts different. They are not involved, no love, just kids together-ok.I couldn't understand the way she was twisting this up & explained that I really didn't have the issue with her, it was between me & him.She was yelling & acting like I did something wrong, but I know I didn't. If I had a problem with him, it wasn't to do with them really & didn't want to continue with her.
I said this is between me & him & it has nothing to do with you guys, but he is giving me very mixed messages about where we stand & flip flops day to day.She was getting loud & said I made her daughter cry. I told her to stop yelling at me & tried to talk to her calmly & asked how she would feel if it was her it happened too. I never said anything wrong to the daughter & the problem was between him & I & not really their biz. The daughter who I usually get along with, claimed I said something nasty about them showing up just in time for dinner & I never did that, of course they are welcome.
I was nice, offered them food & never really got mad about anything at all until the ex laid there, & he said something, giggled & then was talking about the old girlfriend & then let the ex know I was mad etc....He tells them I am not his girlfriend, but every other day he treats me like I am (my posts above).It's a sick head & heart game whether it's bipolar or not it hurts.
It's almost like they did all this intentionally to start crap. The ex & daughter left, I wanted to leave, but by then I had a few beers myself (I wasn't feeling drunk at all, but didn't want to drive especially upset with my son that late).Obviously, now I was the bad guy & couldn't believe what just transpired.
I tried to talk to him afterward & he sat in the living room, I went out to his garage & waited for him & he didn't come out so I asked him to please calmly talk about this & join me. He couldn't face up & said his daughter was crying & that's all he cared about. I explained that she had no reason to cry, no one did anything to hurt her & how I felt about the flip flopping with me & how he makes me feel when he does that. I told him I was hurt, but not gonna bite his head off if that's how he felt, but I still wanted to talk about it. He started to get mad at me & I asked him again to take it out to the garage so my son wouldn't hear us. He wouldn't. He got madder & blew me off. Of course I was feeling crazy & in shock over all this happening by now & I needed to talk to him & tell him I cannot do the flip flop & if we are friends we need to clarify that because I have an awful lot of heart space invested & feeling horrible.I told him he was treating me with disrespect & needed to man up. He stayed put.
I went over the facts, All along he says he is non commital, I tell him ok, but not to come on to me if we are just friends because it is emotional for me to be sexually involved with him & if he does that,it is telling me he wants more.I am no one's rag doll.
Then he acts caring & interested & gets close to me & does the runaway game again. All along I'm his best friend & supporting him,he makes it more by making gestures, comments & sexual advances & has slept with me. His attitude last night was so what, I don't love love any woman, he's had it with all us crazy B's.I asked about the ex wife & he said nope not her either, she's the mother of my kids. I told him what really transpired & he wouldn't listen, automatically I was wrong for everything.
He said what we have been isn't boyfriend/girlfriend, claims we've had a longterm fling,I mean nothing to him, like I did something wrong & then said he was just horny & it was my fault because I responded to his advances. HELLO! I previously, made it clear about my loving & wanting him, but maintaining a friendship if he doesn't feel the same. I also explained that if he did make advances he better mean biz or stay away.I told him it confuses me, makes me feel rejected, hurt & used so if he does that, that must mean he is ready.He just told me he really cares about me a few days ago, so if he did care why do that?
He just got madder & madder & yelling, cursing, being abusive. Telling me to get my F'n kid & f'n leave. I told him I didn't want to stay, but didn't want to drive. He was absolutely a raging lunatic. My son was right there, I was trying to get to sleep. I asked him why he was so angry, why was he treating me so badly & acting that way in front of my son?
I said ya know what, I'm not taking your use & abuse crap anymore, you are your own worst enemy & you have played games with me long enough, this could be your bipolar, but I don't deserve it, neither does my son. I told him he drinks, smokes pot & acts fine & then he acts like cold & distant. I reminded him of everything I have done for him to try to help & support him & that he has lived at my house for months & I never disrespected him like this.
At that point he was yelling, cornered me & holding his fist up at me like he was going to hit me at any second. I was scared & have never, ever seen him this mad. He has taken it out on the dog before, but never acted really mean or threatening to me.
I told him it is unacceptable for him to use & abuse me like I am no value. I am also a human being. He acted rotten & uncaring like he was possessed at that moment, not like the normal him I know so well.
I told him I never want to see him again. That man needs serious help. Apparently what I said hit home & the truth hurts,he's not acting like he has any conscience, morals or values, he is angry with himself & he is headed for disaster. I have to step away from this whole deal because I don't deserve to be abused. It is weeks before his primary VA medical/mental appointments or a chance to get him meds, he doesn't have a car, or money or a phone so i don't know how he will make the hour trip to the VA hospital, but he needs to go now! He also has blood in his urine & BM & that is dangerous.
I'm so sorry for the extremely long post, but as you can see I am a mess this morning, feeling horrible & could really use some help myself over all this & my own stuff. I didn't sleep at all, just sat on his couch with my coat & boots on until 5 this morning when I woke my son & left for home.
Has anyone got any words of wisdom for me other than to stay away. I wonder-Is this the bipolar or is it HE IS JUST A GAME PLAYING< HEARTLESS, UNFEELING JERK & A GOOD ACTOR/CHARMER TO BOOT???
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replied February 11th, 2009
been looking for a support group for husbands with bi-polar wive
i hope this is a place where i can let it all out and know that i am not alone.
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replied February 11th, 2009
Experienced User
bipolar
I had a friend I felt close with who has bipolar. My sister-in-law also has it. Neither are on medication. Both always surprised me. I could never predict their actions or words. I learned that having a bipolar friend or family member is to be surprised. Even so, I was still always surprised by things that just didn't make sense to me or their approaches to something that were baffling!
It's difficult. I find qualities about bipolar attractive: the surge in productivity, the grandiosity, the undertaking of many projects! At the same time, with my former friend and sister-in-law there's a quality there, like I can never understand them. I don't understand either person and I never will! It can be stressful when you want understanding of how another thinks, and your not going to have it. You can have explanations presented in books or by support groups. Knowing the person is different, you want some sense of certainty!
I think a lot of people get hooked with trying to save a person with bipolar or just by personality traits that often come with it. My old friend and sister-in-law seemed attractive when I first met them--like they were so strong and driven. Maybe, they were in a manic phase. There's an intensity there. Just a few thoughts!
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