Medical Questions > Relationships > Relationships and Marriage Forum

Jealousy/Insecurity issues interfering with relationship..

I've been with my boyfriend for around 4 months, but we've been friends for about a year and a half. We used to hang out from time to time and we liked eachother but didn't date until recently. When we first started dating, I told myself I wouldn't fall for him so my jealousy wouldn't be a problem.. Well, I fell for him. And we're pretty serious now. So, my jealousy has become a problem for me and I need someone's advice on how to help it... Before I say anything I DO love him dearly and I most definitely do not want to leave him.. He has been incredibly patient with me about this and he has told me my jealousy does not and will not bother him unless it gets to the point where I say he can't hang out with some of his close friends. (Which I wouldn't do even though it may bother me..) Anyways.

One of the main problems is that, I'm a virgin. And he has had sex with one girl 3 years ago who he was with for 8 months. And almost had sex with another girl when he was drunk at a party about 1 or 2 years ago, but realized what he was doing and walked out. He has told me he regrets both of them and wishes I could have been his first. But I still dwell on this and this is the reason why we haven't had sex yet. Sometimes, when we do anything sexual all I can think of is his ex and I wonder if this was the same bed they had sex in, and if she was better than me, and how he feels about it ,and if it meant anything to him, and all these thoughts just race around in my head an I can't control it. I hate it.

Another is that he has dated a lot of girls.. I consider nearly all of them to be beautiful and wonder why he even wants me.

But sometimes.. I just dwell on everything. I feel inferior. I get upset when he acts too affectionate towards his female friends even though I know it's silly. I trust him. I KNOW he would never cheat on me, but my insecurities just get the best of me. He has this friend that he talks about that I had never seen, until the other day I saw her on Facebook and she was absolutely stunning. I wondered if they had dated in the past, assumed they had, and had an anxiety attack just thinking about it. Turns out they had never even dated but he admitted she was attractive. Every time he genuinely tells me I'm pretty I smile and thank him, but in my head all I can think is "How many girls have you said that to? So how can you mean it now?" When I'm with him and other girls, I just sink away.. I go somewhere and don't want to be noticed because I feel so inferior. When we watch movies and there is a sex scene, I feel uncomfortable. I feel so silly for being this way. I could go on but I needed to get the gist of it out.. The worst part... Is he is an amazing boyfriend. He tells me I am beautiful and that I'm the prettiest girl in the world and he adores and loves me... Yet.. I'm still this insecure and this jealous over nothing.. Please help me.. He doesn't even "talk about girls" like most guys, nor does he watch porn, but if he did I would dwell on it forever and feel horrible about myself.

Is it part of an anxiety disorder? Am I just so insecure..? How do I fix this.. I really do believe I am a great girlfriend to him and I try to be but there's just this one problem and it's exhausting me to death...
Did you find this post helpful?
|

replied August 14th, 2011
Hiya I read what you said and I think you should tell him, I'm a boy and I have the exact same jealousy and anxiety with my girlfriend, I have not really had a proper girlfriend in the past and was a virgin.. While on the other hand, my girlfriend had been with a another boy for 4 years and almost everyday it hits me, all those times they must have shown affection to each other, it almost kills me but I love her so I tell myself that I have to deal with it. Me and you are so similar that even I get sad when watching sex scenes, I thought I was the only one.
The truth is me and you are both insecure and I've experienced that there is no real way to get over this sadly...

How I feel better about my problem is that one day I told her, everything I feel and amazing enough, she felt the same way about me but just never told me.
I'm so insecure that I'm a person that just wants a wife who I can be with forever and not need any other friends.. I know it's bad but it is the way I am... hope I helped in some way

take care Smile
|
Did you find this post helpful?