I'll try to keep it short. Maybe then I'll get more advice.
I was home from school for a week (spring break). We never really hung out before, but we were together that entire week. He finally asked me out that Friday. It was great! I went back to school and he came down the next day. It was crazy. He always wanted to see me, we texted all the time, talked everyday. He drove 2 hrs each way most weekends to see me or bring me home. I stayed over at his house all the time.
Our relationship was a little physical. No sex, and my bra/underwear was always on. His never was. But we did other stuff. I know that creates a bond between people. But I'd never touch him again if it meant we had another chance.
Four months ago, we were on the phone. We were crying about something and I stupidly asked if he was breaking up with me. I expected him to say no, but he said yes. He messaged me on facebook saying I never did anything wrong, he just needed time to figure out his life, I was his best friend, and he wants to be happy all the time. We continued to text.
I saw him a month later. I could barely look at him without crying. I couldnt break. I felt empty inside. He seemed upset, but didnt want to try us again just yet. He asked me to wait.
I went back to school. This is now two months later. I stopped all contact with him for another month. Now three months later. I called him to figure out where things were. He wasnt interested in a relationship.
Now four months later. I wrote him a letter explaining everything I was feeling. I figured if he still cared this would be when he came back. He didnt. We texted a little about it. He's scared of feeling depressed again (he was depressed when we were together). I hope he doesnt think it was me. Crazy thing is, he always seemed so happy. And I knew him. I knew he was depressed, just not suicidal like he says now.
So its been four months. I still cant get over him. I've read a lot of stuff about getting over your first love. He talked about marrying me. Thats hard to get over. Yes, I am young. But I was in love with him. I want him to be happy. But I know I make him happy. I think he's in a rut. I want to support him. The flipside is he did all this on purpose. He admitted he was trying to make me hate him so it'd be easier for me. I have hated him at times, but only because he was close enough to love.
I dont trust people. I trusted him. Im doubting my ability to judge others now. I dont see anyone else in my future, just him. I'd wait for him. I'm going abroad for a couple months. I want him to come back to me after that. I dont know where things are. I can tell he still cares. But he's lying to me about how he feels. I dont know why.
I have more details, but I thought just an outline might be easier. Ask if you want them. I've noticed some other posters having the same problems with moving on. Is there a chance he'll come back? My future seems hopeless without him now. I though he'd always be there. I dont want to think about me or him with someone else.
Thanks
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