My girlfriend and I broke up last November, and it has been quite a rollercoaster since then. I was a complete arsehole to her, and deserved to be dumped. For a while it was very bitter between us, but then we grew close again and began to see each other. We were both still very much in love and slept together, went out together etc. However, things grew difficult when I drunkenly and inexcusably slept with one of her friends. Although we weren't going out we were extremely close and it hurt her.
From there things went downhill. This was about 6 months or so after we had broken up, but we managed to be close again. After a while I began to be stand offish with her because she would never open up to me, and that led to us growing apart. It was also due to the fact I had, and still have, severe problems with depression, and took it out on her subconsciously.
After a while I began to get worried that it was a permanent thing so tried to rectify the situation. However she said she didn't want that. So we stopped talking. After a month or so, I met a girl and went out with her, but it ended because I said I wasn't sure. Then I went to Africa for a month, and in that time realised how much I loved my ex, and wanted to make it work. I had matured from the experienced and was prepared to work so hard and give everything to be back with her. When I told her this she told me she had moved on and was seeing someone else.
Needless to say, I was distraught. It has been a while since then, and on numerous times I have told her I loved her, and expressed an interest in trying again. She says she still has a soft spot for me, but the old feelings of love have gone. She says that the relationship was too serious and she was sick of worrying and is happier now than she was then.
I know I could make it work given a second chance. She used to love me so much, I used to be her absolute priority, but now I'm just her friend. I miss her so much, and wish we could be together again. I can't move on, all my friends tell me to but I just can't. I love her so much that I have become pathetic - crying at films when the couple get together when normally I would have been bored.
People have said maybe I miss it because I was so used to it, but it isn't that. I've also been told that maybe I just want what I can't have, but that can't be true because I decided I wanted it while I still believed that it was possible. If anyone can give me any advice that can just ease this, I would really appreciate it. I want to move on as I feel like caca the whole time, and I just want to be happy again.
