Womens Chat Forum - Is Unconscious, Non-Consenting Sex considered Rape?

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Q: Is Unconscious, Non-Consenting Sex considered Rape?

asked by: BB09 on January 30th, 2009

New User

Following an unfortunately needed search, I saw this posted Q: in 2007 & it's responses gave me some piece of mind.
To explain, I am currently on a contract in UAE. Their drinking tolerance has restrictions & I have been more mindful while here, especially not really knowing anyone but one night I felt comfortable & had far too many drinks and it went very wrong.

I was introduced to some friends of friends at a beach bar, after a few drinks we were invited to a girl friends house.
As a group we chatted into the early hours while drinking, also swimming in the pool. As the night went on I did end up talking to one guy in the pool, by this point we had all had quite a lot to drink & he seemed to get closer. Nothing led from that in the pool but I remember a flirtatious vibe.
As the night led on we had drunk a lot, friends started to head home & I asked to use our girl friends shower.
I remember going up to the shower & then waking to my friend bundling me up in a towel.
The next thing I remember was the guy (from in the pool) having sex with me, I remember being disoriented & then a few other details & then that's it.
When I woke up the next morning, my wet clothes were on the floor & I was sore. He had gone.
Initially I thought, what happened & was it a drunken mistake but later in the day I started to relay what I could remember.
I spoke to my friend & she said I had fallen asleep in the shower, so she wrapped me in a towel & put me into her bed asleep.

It happened in October 25th and has been a daily thought/night mare but I haven't dealt with it & thought he had taken advantage of me while I was drunk but couldn't bring myself to think it was rape.
He works in the same hotel but at the other side so I was hoping not to see him.
In the last 2 days he has got onto the work bus I travel to & from work on, I discovered he is living in the building directly opposite to me. This is when the reality actually hit me.

I have a few amazing friends here but also back at home & they are helping me to take some next steps.
I am only just coming to realization that it could be rape.

Replies(13)

zigemyster

replied on January 30th, 2009

Supporter

By not consenting to sex, I would consider that to be rape.

JavaMissus

replied on January 30th, 2009

Supporter

I would definitely consider this rape...However, with your being passed out, it is your word against his...

It is unfortunate for you are one of many young women this has happened to...The problem being, when you are young you just can't accept the perils of the outside world...You feel that you are old beyond your years....You know, come and get me world, I am ready....

What you speak about could have been me...I speak of a frat party when I was 18....This was the legal drinking age in my State at that time...I got completely plastered....I mean off the wall...I was trying to be the life of the party and fit in..Made a complete fool of myself....I remember it well....He took me home at 10 and left me at the door...I vaguely remember this....Need I say more...

I hope that what you have said and what I have just written reaches out to some young woman that is unaware of life....All men are not as they seem....Just a very few spoil it for so many....

Best wishes for your recovery,
Caroline

deteragram

replied on January 31st, 2009

Supporter

I agree with Zigemyster and CarolineEF, it was definitely rape. That said, I hope that other people learn from your experience. I'm certainly not blaming you for what happened but I feel it's important to point this out: If I left my purse sitting on the drivers seat in my car with the doors unlocked and the windows down, someone would probably steal it. In leaving the purse there, I didn't ask for it to be stolen but I certainly increased the chances that it would happen. When we get drunk and/or pass out in a public place, we leave ourselves just as vulnerable to attack. We wouldn't leave our purses out in the open so why do we put our bodies, our sexual health and possibly our lives at risk?????

BB09

replied on January 31st, 2009

New User

I agree with all of you & sadly I am 27 years old, I have tried to learn from growing mistakes & thought I had more common sense!!

I still agree it is no justification, especially after I re-traced over the process of the night but I put myself in a high risk situation carelessly and unfortunately I guess a part of me still naively believe treat people how you would like to be treated & didn't imagine it happening like this.
I know we're not all the same but I guess I have been spoilt & fortunate enough to have been surrounded by very good people & dear friends wherever I have been in the world so far.

I'm always cautious traveling to different places, I work in the music industry & don't drink while I'm at events, if I go out dancing I am there to be with friends & dance.

I've always steered away from meeting a potential partner in a bar or club. Maybe because of the industry I work in and seeing how people meet/drink. I don't have casual sexual partners and will be more likely found in a pair of jeans & a t-shirt with heels (again not that it would be justified if I did wear short skirts etc but I hope you can see where my biggest mistake naively was.

As Caroline said "I hope that what you have said and what I have just written reaches out to some young woman that is unaware of life...."
If nothing else it has opened my eyes up massively to something that really is quite a simple conclusion and will hopefully help young & also growing woman that may think they already have they head screwed on.

Thank you for your responses, Kind Regards*

furrytail

replied on February 1st, 2009

Supporter

I really feel sad from the above mentioned situations. Reality is, if you don't consent then it is rape, pure and simple. But the proof of guilt may be very difficult to do.

Wendy

furrytail