I was with my ex for almost 3 years, I lost my virginity to him, and we've been through alot together. We have broken up twice before this because he was gone in the navy and always questioning me for cheating, which I put up with because I know he sees it happening to his friends overseas. I never cheated and did nothing to make him think so. I rarely went out with my girlfriends because I didn't want to miss any of his calls, emails, or whatever. He just didn't trust me ( sometimes it makes me think he was cheating so he got paranoid). Anyway, we've had some really really rough patches but we also have had some amazing times together.
He's been home for the past 6 months(he got out for school) and things started great, and then it just started going downhill. He would get mad at me for little things occassionally, like not answering my phone right away or doing something clumsy(getting soda on his shirt while we were still home) I'm a clumsy person and I want my significant other to love me for that, not punish me and put me down when I accidently do something. Then it just got more and more frequent. I know he THINKS he cares about me, but he has no respect for me at all. For example, he asks me, "So what do you want to eat?" and I say, "oh I don't care! are you craving anything in particular?" and he says, "God can you just make up your mind for once?" so I reply, ".. okay, we can just get wendys I guess." then he replies, "Valerie I don't want ******* wendys again, I had that yesterday!" That was our conversation the other day! And it happens all the time! Who gets that upset about food!? Its just that I'm always anxious i'm going to make him mad over the stupidest, littlest things! I'm tired of having to "walk on eggshells" all the time. Another example, we were at the beach and in the hotel pool. He got out of the pool to go inside, so I get up too because it was nighttime and I didn't want to be by myself. He says, "are you going in?" and I say "yeah.", he says with a rude tone, "well can you get my **** from the table, I'm not just going to leave it out here if you arent' out here." And he walks away, and I go get his shirt and phone from the table at the pool. Then, later that night I was crying because we were fighting and he was being really rude, then he says, "Valerie, did you get my shoes from the pool?" And since it was dark I didn't see them, so I said no, and he says, "Dammnit, are you kidding me? Can you not do anything?" I know we were arguing at the time, but I don't think thats an excuse to talk to me like that. And the fact that he like just told me to get his stuff without a please or thank you is ridiculous. He still hasnt apologized for that night and he told me the next day when I asked him if he even realized how mean he was, "I remember what i said to you and I never talked down to you once." I couldn't believe that. is he delusional? I'm a human being, not a servant. Anyway, he does stuff like this all the time and then he makes me feel bad for being upset at him and he always brings up mistakes I made in the past and blames me for our arguments. It's always my fault that we argue, even though I don't say or start anything EVER. Since we're broken up right now, I'm trying to just cut him off but he keeps texting me acting like I need to apologize because I broke up with him, that I'm treating him so bad, I'm going to regret this, I'm a terrible person, ect. It's driving me crazy because he knows I'm upset and he knows I miss him and love him, but I can't be with him! I'm moving to go to college in 2 weeks and he's going to be moving too. I just want to have an amazing time and start over when I move. I've lost so many friends from being in this relationship and I've stepped on alot of toes because I always put him first. I just don't know what to do. Every time we've broken up, he's talked me back into getting with him him because "my family doesn't understand him or the circumstances", or "because my friends are using me and don't care like he does", or "because he's been through alot in his life", ect. But I'm so tired of making excuses because he had a hard childhood and stuff. I don't think I deserve to be talked to like I'm nothing. I just dropped off some of his things today, and the promise ring he gave me last year. When he answered, he said nothing and just shook his head at me be because I've been ignoring him. When I got in my car without saying a word, he punched the door to his house and threw the ring into his front yard. Now he sent me a really sweet message explaining why he acted that way(not a good reason) and still never apologized. That was a few hours ago and I still haven't replied so he's saying, "are you seriously going to do this? You're being ridiculous" and "I can't believe you won't even talk to me after everthing I've done for you." Should I reply to him or just cut him off?
So, am I right to break up with him? And how do I move on without him talking me back into getting with him? I thought about just turning my phone off but I'm terrified of what it will be like when I turn it back on. I just need some reassurance that I'm making the right choice.
You are making the right choice, Valerie. Guys like that don't change. Well, they do change long enough to get you back in their realm of control, and then they go back to being an ass. More specifically, they go back to abusing you.
Block his calls if you can. Change your number if you want. Or just hit "reject" when you see his number pop up. Don't talk to him anymore. An abuser's logic isn't logical at all, but they wrap your emotions around it making it hard for you to see the truth.
All the best to you and your adventure in finding a man who will treat you kindly!