This is a long story, and i know that i'll probably look stupid after anyone reads this... yes, it's a topic about getting my ex back.. and yes, i seriously messed up and performed ALL the fatal errors ever since the day she left me.
My girlfriend and i have broke up 3 months ago.. she started work in a call center (taking night shift) and i felt that her work was taking time off her necessities such the nursing board exam (which she said she wouldn't take this year due to being lazy) and most of all, it's also consuming our time together. Since she was taking night shift (ever since sept), i could barely get in touch with her so i visted her before she went to work about 3 times a week... unfortunetly, she arrives at the exact same time she is supposed to log in, therefore our meetings were only down to 5 min or so..
I was angry that i wasn't given enough time and that she was using her time on "silly" things instead of working for her career. So i said the wrong words such as "do you have time for me.. if i did this, i bet you'd leave me.. it's like i'm the only one who cares about us..."
Anyway, she texted back saying that she wasn't happy and she doesn't know why... we are always fighting, and she just doesn't want it anymore.. she's tired of it... and that the relationship should end now.. after she falls asleep and doesn't reply.
So, yes i went to her work to talk about it in person on that same day.. but she just refused to speak because she was late for work.. so she goes jetting in. Of course i got angry and texted her that she was "disrespectful, why did you just pass me up like that..." anyway, i made my way back to her work the next morning - the time of her dismissal to actually get things straight. Yes i was impatient.
Anyway, she told me the same thing she said in text this time with an angry tone. She said things like "i'm only seeing my side" "i'm not the only one hurt", "i can't force things that can't be anymore just because i want it", "i'm too impatient"...
deep down, my reaction (which i only said to myself) was: how can i be blamed for going to her in person right away after being texted something so serious? If anybody loved their partner, wouldn't they go to them in person immediately?
so i asked her some questions if "is there some body else..." etc.. there isn't anyone, and i know i'm not dealing with a cheating girlfriend.. so don't get that conclusion. In the end, she told me to give her a week.. so the next week she told me to talk around 8pm sat... it's just i had allot of errands during that time and i asked her if we could meet at a different time. She told me to just text her... so i texted her if we could meet after her work.. but there was no reply so i went there on that day but on the time of her dismissal again.. i texted her that i arrived and she just refused to leave the building and talk to me, she would not go out if i was there. I got pissed because i woke up so damn early and drove so damn far to talk to her and i felt that talking to her was so emotionally important... and i really didn't understand why she was acting like that so i kinda played hard ball (stupidly) also and just waited outside.. eventually she just runs out and goes into some ones car and takes off. Yes, i got pissed.. i told her she was so childish, inconsiderate and selfish... and tried calling her non stop regardless of her just hanging up. I know that was wrong, in both sides...
anyway, the day after was the last time her i talked... she said the same thing, just angrier.. "i don't want it anymore"... and i was asking her if she has a problem or something, just to scoop out a logical reason for this insanity. That's all the response i got.. "i don't want it anymore.. leave me alone"... her last message was "i don't want it anymore, good bye".
She never replied or anything ever since then. And yes, i've made all the fatal errors for past 3 months from calling her non stop, texting her all those desperation vibes and sometimes even angry texts... no replies and no answering of calls. NONE. I've tried going to her closest friends, but once they tried talked to her about it.. she never said anything to them again after.. They can't get an answer from her.. and they really don't like what she did.. most importantly, this wasn't the first time she has put me in such pain before. I tried going to her work to talk her again, but she really made an effort to make sure i would never see her by going the opposite direction and having her friend drop her off. Did i get a chance to see her, yes... it didn't matter if i waited for so many hours to just talk things out.. she still would not give me any attention. She will not face me. Eventually, i stopped going to her (it's been 2 months since i stopped) because it hurts, it's embarrassing, i know it's stupid, and above all - i don't want to be a stalker.
Have i still texted her after, yes.. desperate - "i love you, what's wrong.." and all that crap from the start of Oct to the end of November.. and each and every time i sent a text or tried to call i hated myself for being such a pathetic and stupid looser. It disgusted me. So by the start of Dec, i just had to completely stop..
Anyway, a friend of ours who lives in Saudi has managed to talk to her with in this week just for my sake.. My ex's replies is that she really doesn't feel anything about what happened... and my ex doesn't want to talk too much about it either, any way my ex said to her that she broke up with me because she was sick of the relationship. that's it.. she (me ex) would literately change topic whenever our friend from saudi would try to build a conversation concerning me. My ex's happy, she's ok... but she knows i'm not doing ok and has no plans to do anything about it. She's ignoring me for the sake of me getting tired. My ex is a very secretive girl. VERY... she barely opens up about personal problems and just keeps it to herself regardless of how hard it is. She is also immature. That's just her personality.
Anyway, i have been trying to move on... ever since the start of November, i have been dating different women for about 7 times and have tried to occupy myself heavily by working out, taking my martial arts... but it seems to get harder and harder for me. It gets harder to let go every time i date and just gives me more pain each time. I know that i look stupid and probably am choosing to be stupid because of all this.. and yes, i do want my relationship back. Before this happened, she was very strong in loving me... to the point i felt that she loved me more than i loved her. Sometimes she really didn't want me to go to bed and just keep talking to her.. and all that stuff, now she suddenly changes her mind and attitude towards me. The first time we ever fought IN person was the time she broke up with me..
Last night was the last time i texted her (no reply) and i said that "i agree with the break up... you're right.. something good happened to me recently, and i guess things happen for a reason"..
I talked to my friend from saudi if she can still keep in touch with my ex and try to make her open up slowly and then hopefully remind her of our relationship.. My friend from Saudi is the only bridge i have because my friend will not talk to any of her other friends also... and yes i've also been praying to God if he can touch her heart or something or atleast give me more strength to let it go and actually forgive her.
I know the answer too most is "MOVE ON" or i'm stupid... and like i've said, i've been trying my hardest by dating, hanging out with friends, and occupying myself but it gets more painful when i try to move on. This is the girl for me.. i just love her that much.. At the moment, i'm sad and regretful for the way i handled things.. i've checked out a bunch of sites on the do's and dont's and i've checked mark every don't on the list. Yes, i am aware of books such as "ex2... and magic of making up" but i don't have the money to buy those books.. so i went to this forum for help. If there is a way the relationship can be renewed.. i mean, there have been some couples that broke up due to cheating and even abuse yet they still came back together. It freaks me out that i may see/hear the time that she has somebody else, so i really need a miracle.. and good strat, if there is.
Has anyone here had this same experience?
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