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Q: Is she right?
asked by: willrayner on September 26th, 2009
New User
Here's the short story. She had been visiting me for 3 months before she had to start back to school. We are deeply in love and both agree that we have never met anybody who completes us like we do. I am in my mid 20's and so is she. She would do anything for me and I would do anything for her. The day before she was to leave we were planning a meal to cook. I was calling several places trying to find the meat and get the meal planned. She was making the list of food. Her writing is not the best and sometimes I am anal about that sort of thing. Usually only when I write on the list as well. So I just casually said, hey you have the paper upside down. She tore it off and began writing a new one upside down again. Probably on accident. Anyways, I was on the computer looking for a recipe for dessert (something special for her) and she asked me with an attitude what I was doing. Of course I was a bit upset. (oh, I proposed to her with a very nice, elaborate dinner the night before) I told her don't get mad at me for using the computer that I was looking for something for her. Trying to keep the surprise. She got mad. and put the list she was writing down and told me i could finish it. I picked it up, balled the paper up and put it with the first one and began a new list. She got mad, snatched the piece of paper out of my hand, balled it up and threw it on the floor. She said that was so I could see how she felt. I got really pissed, after having proposed, and now trying to make her a nice dinner before she left and I cursed her out. Called her a bi*** etc. She called me a bas****, said she hates me, wants to break the engagement off, was not happy with me etc. I got furious when she said that and begin to yell at her. She was yelling back very very loud and crying. I got mad and threw a water bottle at the door. I followed her into the room to continue the arguing but she kept screaming louder and yelling louder. I told her to quit yelling so loud but she wouldnt. I pushed her with my fingers in the face onto the bed. she was screaming even more. I then held her and asked her nicely to please stop screaming. She contd and i don't really want the cops being called and me losing my job for something stupid. I put the pillow on her face for about 5 seconds. (No I did not do it hard and did not hurt her. I only did it to muffle her uncontrollable screaming)....she now has labled me as officially abusive and wants to leave me. Am I abusive or do I have an anger problem? The primary reason I even touched her was because she would not stop screaming and yelling at a very high noise level in my apartment. I did not hurt her physically, only emotionally, which I know is bad as well. Somebody give me some analysis of this and tell me what I should do. She wants me to go to consueling, which I agreed to only because I love her more than anything in the world. Personally i think I may have at the most an anger/ slight control issue but in the situation with the possiblity of the police being called for her hysterical screaming I did not know what to do. Please help. Thank you in advance for the responses.
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W0LF
replied on September 27th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy (online)
It's worth being worried about that you felt that you needed to use physical control to resolve the situation. You had to realize that if you just left she would have pretty quickly quieted down. It was confrontational. However Abuse is complex and isn't something that can be diagnosed in a single situation. It is a pattern of behavior.

However you should be diagnosing what's going on with this night. What you described isn't a rational justification for a hysterical argument that needs to escalate like this. Especially after what should be a remarkably romantic night. It seems out of place that you've proposed after only three months as well. I think you should analyze this relationship carefully and decide if it's healthy for you to be in.
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J3nnyuk
replied on September 28th, 2009
Moderator
hi sorry to hear of your situation but i agree with wolf, even though your girlfriend was making a lot of noise you shouldnt be putting your hands on her even if you didnt hurt her, you should of asked her to leave and maybe helped her to the door and said i will talk to you when you are not behaving in this way. I suggest that you call her up and ask if you can meet up and talk things through before making any rash desisions about your future good luck jenny
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