I am from another country and left my family and friends to marry the man of my dreams. We have been married for 15 years and don't have any children -- my husband has never been interested in having children. Five years ago, my husband quit his job and started his own business and got us in credit card debt. We owe close to $50,000 to the banks and don't own a home. I have a good paying job and thanks to that, I have been able to help my husband keep his business alive.
I am close to 40 years old now and it has been twice this year that he has told me that I am not his "type." He said he married me because I have a nice personality and I had a "nice body." I work out every day and keep myself fit, however, I am not in my 20's any more. Twice he has told me this year that his preference of girls are blondes in their 20s. He says he is just being honest and that he is not the only one who thinks like that. He says that most men prefer blondes too. Also, he has expressed for the last four years how much he hates seeing interracial couples in the streets. One day he was too drunk and told me that he was still married to me because he liked the fact that I made a good income but that should we ever get a divorce, he would date only blondes. He says white people belong to white and that he married me because he thought I was white and that had he known that I was not white, he would not have married me, but I was too nice and he liked that.
He is not interested in having a relationship with my family. When I visit my family I always go by myself because he hates the fact that I hang out with them too much (I visit them once a year). I sometimes think that my husband sees them as second-class citizens.
My husband and I are intimate once or twice a month. He says he is too old for that although he is only 2 years older than me.
My parents are ill and I am not going to have them around for too long and I am very close to them. I feel that I am wasting my time with my husband. Everybody around me feels the same way too. I am in love with him but I feel that he is using me. I am so angry right now that I want to divorce him and I don't even want to go to a therapist -- my husband would never go to one by the way. The day I went to a therapist five years ago, the therapist urged me to get a divorce, so I didn't go back to see him again.
I have expressed my concerns to my husband but he says he sometimes talks without thinking and asks me for forgiveness and says he will not talk like that again.
Do you think that my husband is using me or am I over reacting? Is there something wrong with my self esteem or do I need to be a little more open-minded?
