Relationships and Marriage Forum - Is my guy stalling?or just carefully thinking things thru

Relationships > Relationships and Marriage Forum > Is my guy stalling?or just carefully thinking things thru

Q: Is my guy stalling?or just carefully thinking things thru

asked by: CoolGlassofH2O on June 22nd, 2009

Experienced User

Aside from all my pastdrama I'd like to see if anyone finds this normal. My guy and I have been together for 2years 9months. We've had our rough patches but we've worked them out like adults. A month ago we had a conversation about kids, and family. He was the one that innitiated it. But he keeps saying he wants to wait till were done paying our debts we have etc. I understand and totally agree with it cause I want to finish my secretary courses and establishing myself in a year. But he says wants to wait till were 30 for kids. But I'd like to be engaged in like a year or so. LOL being engaged doesn't mean were automatically gonna start working ok makin babies etc. But I kinda want to be engaged while I'm taking my courses and after I fid a better job, so to make of short... In a year. He's had bad experiances, financially because of his folks ruining his credit, and bad experiances on relationships, so he's being cautious. But I don't want to wait 5 years before getting engaged. I heard men can like you so much they'll live with you but not marry u. It mite be true , but I think he's being cautious and just thinking things thru. Anybody been thru this? I'm willing to wait a year and finish everything I want to do but if after I'm done he still doesn't want to I think I'm moving on. He's 25 and I'm going to be26.

Replies(7)

JavaMissus

replied on June 24th, 2009

Moderator

Kind of sounds like a good stall game to me...Many are waiting for just the right time....I like your overall plan...Good luck...

Caroline

ServiceU

replied on June 26th, 2009

Supporter

you have to do what's right for you!
your still young and you should enjoy life, but if that's what you want, then you should stick to your guns.
my ex of five years proposed to me and he told me to tell my whole family, and he never married me. i wind up leaving him. lol
he may want to clear his credit up, make sure that he can support you. but the question is are you willing to wait xoxo amount of years.

wendyrs

replied on June 26th, 2009

Supporter

I agree with the others. I can understand him being cautious but if he insists on waiting and waiting you are going to have to move on. If you're 26 and want children by 30 you may want to start looking for someone who is ready. 25 is still young for a guy these days. One thing I do want to say though is never push him or convince him to marry you. I've seen so many marriages that are unhappy because one was ready and the other wasn't. I've seen so many women live with men for many years just waiting for them to be ready for marriage and then they break up and the man finds another woman and marries her right away leaving you in the dust. You have to decide what will be best for you.

rightside

replied on June 26th, 2009

Active User, very eHealthy

Wendyrs is right. My son lived with his girlfriend for over 10 years and kept stalling on getting married. I had told her from the beginning not to move in with him, that men take longer to propose when they already have all the benefits of a wife, without the actual committment. Through the years she expressed her desire to marry and have kids, to no avail. Finally after waiting 10 years, she took my advice and gave him the untimatum. Marry me or I am gone. (She wanted kids, he said he didn't, because they were leading a very lavish lifestyle.) Because she had threatened before but never acted, he thought she was bluffing and called her on it, so she LEFT. He at first tried to act like he didn't care, but 6 months later they were married, and now have a beautiful baby boy. Too bad it took 11 years! If she had left the first time, we'd probably have a few more grandkids by now. Seeing as they are almost in their 40's, I think they are sticking with just one!

CoolGlassofH2O

replied on July 20th, 2009

Experienced User

thanks everybody i do have my goals that i want to acheieve before seriously thinking about any engagement or kids etc. could jus be im feeling old cause officially yesterday the last of my non married friends just got engaged lol im in no rush,but im deffinately not waiting 10 yrs for him to make up his mind lol. we live in one of the worst cities in the east bay and i really see why he wants to wait on everything. my hours at work just got cut down to 15hrs a week. but even he seems to like my plan of taking classes and working, hopefully things get better and hey! taking our time gives us time to grow and put the past behind us Smile

W0LF

replied on July 21st, 2009

Extremely eHealthy (online)

Does it really matter what you call it? Men (hopefully) don't commit to a relationship until they feel secure in the future of the relationship. It sounds like he has debt concerns. Maybe he wants to see how money is in the relationship after you finish your schooling. Maybe there are other issues that are giving him pause, are you fighting? Has your sexlife become more infrequent? Has the way you are together changed in the last 2 years? If he's not going to commit you'll know. If the benchmarks he sets for the relationship come and go and he still doesn't propose then he doesn't see you as a future bride.

lizzy_09

replied on July 22nd, 2009

Experienced User

I agree with WOLF. Man want to feel secure first before they'd get married. Your both still young. Most of my brothers even got married way past their 30's. Even some of my friends got married during their early to mid 30's. When he's the type who doesn't wanna get married, you'd be able to sense that.

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