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Is my boyfriend abusive?

Me and my boyfriend recently celebrated our one year anniversary. In the beginning of the relationship, everything was great and I really thought he was the one but the past couple months have been a nightmare. He is extremely jealous and has major trust issues. His last girlfriend cheated on him so I try to remain patient and understanding but it's beginning to take a toll on me. He's constantly calling to check up on me and is jealous of all my guy friends. He hates when I go out with my girlfriends and he has to know where I'm going, who I'm going out with, what time I'll be leaving, etc... He flips out over the littlest things. If I miss a phone call I get interegated. He needs to know what I was doing and why I didn't answer his phone call. Recently he's started to become verbally abusive. He's called me a b**ch and a ho and whenever he's upset he tries to make me feel guilty. I'm not happy anymore and I feel like I can't live my life. I constantly feel like I'm being controlled by him. I've told him all of this and I've tried to break up with him several times but he always makes me feel guilty and says he'll change. He even told me he'd kill himself if I left him. The last time i tried to break up with him, he started throwing things and kicked my floor fan at me. It hit me in the ankle and now I have a bruise. When the fan hit me, I started crying and all he could say was, "Oh stop being the victim and stop acting like I just beat you!" He comes from a rough upbringing and his step-dad used to beat his mom. He swears he would never lay a hand on me but I think that's what it's leading too. He also checks my phone calls and my text messages and made a fake facebook profile to spy on me. I don't know what to do anymore. Is he really abusive or am i overreacting?? How do I break up with him for good??
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First Helper liz22
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replied March 7th, 2009
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well, you DEFINITELY need to get away from him. You are not over reacting... I kinda went through all that crap.. but to make him understand At first I made him understand his problems.. we went counseling.. then.. I went with him while he went and spoke to his doctor, he then went and saw a psychologist, I went with him a few times to get my bit out... and he hasn't missed a session.

Its gotten easier, there has been some hard times, but we are able to deal with them, if not we bring it up in the session.

We have a 2 year old, if it wasn't for her, I think we would of gone our separate ways.

Best of luck to you, in what ever you decide..
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replied March 7th, 2009
I think that you need to stop acting dull and leave his ass. That's wrong you don't deserve to be treated that way even though I don't know you it makes me upset. I kinda went through the same thing in one of my prior relationships. I got out. You can do it, if your not married you don't need to let the relationship and a dude take a toll on you like that to the point where you feel you can't be happy anymore. He should treat you with the upmost respect especially because your a woman. It's your choice do what you feel is best. Like I always say if you think that the relationship is getting out of line cut the line and move on in life. Even though it can be hard sometimes it takes a stronger person to do something they have not ever imagined.
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replied March 16th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
hey hun...Yeah in my opinton i would leave him he is very controlling and verbally abusive towards you...you need to look after number 1 and leave hun belive me i have always put other people 1st and they dont thank you for it!!
it sounds from what you are telling us that he is getting angry well it will get worse hun and after they have got angry threw things at you or whatever they will say it is your fault and then you end up feeling guilty even though you havent done anything wrong...LEAVE! Good luck hun Jenny
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replied May 25th, 2009
run girl, dont walk!
crap, I went back to an abusive boyfriend, even after he somehow obtained my passwords to my email and myspace accounts.The first time we dated for 8-9 months. He was controlling, jealous, manipulative, and hated anyone who took up my time. He wanted access to my phone bill!!
This time around, in less than 4months, we argued, he wrestled with me and left me bruised. He went into my cellphone and changed one of friends numbers. I didnt realize it until i text them to tell them he had left me at the fair. Oh he came back for me but I think only because I had his phone. He kicked me out of his house that very night and called me a prostitute and other things. Of course the next day, He blew up my cell phone with texts and left me a voicemail saying how he wanted more out of a relationship, a family but that I didnt. This time was worse than the first go round. My 2 girlfriends did an intervention with me. They made me cry but also made me realize how unstable he is. I wont return to him but I'm afraid of him. The first time we broke up, I'd be in my house with all the lights off. I was constantly looking over my shoulder. Now I'm afraid he'll try to make trouble for me again so I'm trying to play nice with him. My friends say that will only work until he realizes I'm not coming back.....
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replied December 11th, 2009
He is being abusive. And i can tell you from experience, he will get worse. I was with a guy who was perfect when we first got together. Then suddenly he was complaining that i went out too much. Then it escalated to him trying to ban me from seeing my friends and family. I also know that denial is a major factor for both of you. He will deny what he is doing, and you will deny it, either out of fear, or worry that the relationship might end. All i can say is, talk to him. Tell him he needs to change, and DO NOT let him put a guilt trip on you. If that doesn't work, then leave him. Nobody deserves to be a prisoner.
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replied January 12th, 2010
All of this sounds way too familiar to me, except mine went further and way worse.
I had a fan thrown at me too, but it was in the face.
All i can say is it WONT GET ANY BETTER, it WILL GET WORSE. My Ex eventually started slapping me around and hurting me whenever he wanted too, i wasnt allowed to go out with friends, let alone guys or go to school without him being around me, if i disagreed hed hurt me. He would stand outside my house until id come home, or just let himself in. You should get rid of him, seriously; your not over reacting; take it from me.
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replied January 12th, 2010
You deserve much better then this.
And seeing this kind of thing happening
to other people, really makes me mad.
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replied January 19th, 2010
hey. i know exactly what you are going through and yes hun you need to leave him. i just got out of the same exact thing four and half months ago, only my ex ended up beating me, and it was the third time. i know how it hurts to think about leaving someone who u love and dont want to see hurt. i also know how he makes you feel guilty for things that you have a right to. friends, cell phones, freaking privacy. i wish i would have gotten out before he beat me, but now i am so happy and healing without him. it is hard, but it WILL be okay. he is abusing you emotional and verbally. and hun, i hate to admit it, it will end up in physical abuse. i hope this has helped...good luck hun!
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replied July 2nd, 2013
I need to get out and so do you. We both deserve better!
I just read an article about a high school student who was killed shortly after leaving her emotionally abusive boyfriend. I'm starting to realise my boyfriend is abusive as well. He is constantly checking my phone to see what guys have been texting me. I have to account for every bit of time away from him. He already has emotional problems. To make matters worse, I have bipolar disorder. As a result, sometimes I slip into an episode of uncontrollable rage. I always tell him he needs to leave me alone in these moments but he doesn't. He makes them worse by reacting to them. He has screamed at me, prevented me from leaving, thrown me, and even choked me.
I need to leave and so do you! But don't do it right away. Take it slow so you both have ttime to adjust to life without one another. That's my plan anyway....
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