My boyfriend told me quite a big lie 6 months or so into our relationship, and while it was hard for me to get over, I chalked it up to immaturity and decided to give him a second chance. He worked hard to regain my trust, and 6 years later, we're dealing with the lying issue again. This time it's another fairly big lie, about what he's taking in school. He's kept this lie up for years now, because he said he'd feel like a failure if he admitted the truth to me (that he didn't get into the program he wanted to get into). I'm also finding out about little things he's lied about here and there. It scares me that lying could come so naturally to him. But at the same time, I've spent several years of my life with this guy and the thought of not being with him anymore just crushes me. We have so many memories and so much history together, I can't imagine not having him in my life, which is why this is so hard for me. I love him and I don't know if I should give him another chance, or if the lying will never end?
Hi brianned02 and welcome to ehealth: How old is he?...Lying can be a dangerous habit...If he is an adult and still doing this I would think twice about what my life could/would be living like this....Chances are that he will never get over it...If so, the question would be "can you trust him?"....Take care...
My husband had a three year affair and became an excellent manipulator and liar. If there is not trust in a relationship, there is not a healthy love. You may feel now like "you can't live without him", but can you live with the second guessing? Can you continue to feel confident in yourself enough to carry the relationship for both of you if you cannot trust him. It may be a "little lie" here and there, but where does it end?
Whatever you decide, do what is best for you. Best of luck on your journey of discovery and enlightenment.
I am a compulsive liar in a serious relationship with a man I love very very dearly. He knows about a couple big lies I've told but has no concept of the rest. If he does, he is in deep denial. I do not know if I can stop, but I know I can never come clean on my own. If he confronted me, I would admit to bits and pieces, which is what happened with the ones he knows about. I hate myself. Thoroughly. I want desperately to stop. Tell your boyfriend if you catch him in another lie you'll leave him. If my boyfriend told me that, I would be so scared I'd never lie again. I'm serious. All I need is a bit of pushing, which I've never really gotten. He may very well be the same way. Compulsive liars can have some of the most burning, all-consuming, devoted, empathic love. But until they stop they are empty shells. Stick it out if you think you can, but be firm. Do not under any circumstances confront him on all of his specific lies. Just tell him you know and if he wants to keep you he'll be honest about all things present and future. The past will probably never become fully unlocked. If you can handle that, your relationship has a chance.