Well, I wouldn't be too happy if I meet a woman and she wants to check my credit (Do you mean credit card? Sorry if I have got you wrong!). I guess I am more about the person that I am than the credit card I carry. I am bit of a "philosophical man". So, all you realistic women out there please don't get me otherwise.
As far as views are concerned, I think it depends on what views they are differing on. If they are differing on very minor issues then the relationship can still move smoothly. However, if they are differing on something serious which will significantly affect life after they are married
I don't think she should be asking questions to me as if it were a job interview. She does not need to be overly analytical and push the issue a little too far. However, a woman can be technical in asking these questions without hurting a man. Woman are very good in it and honestly, I don't understand a woman's psychology much! Women are good but tricky at times!!
If the women wants to meet my parents, I absolutely have no problems. If she meets my parents, it's good because she will have some idea about my family and also about her father and mother in laws, of course only if she ends up getting married to me!!
Finding out how I was raised is something that she must do as it will give her some idea about what type of person I am since the environment in which an individual is brought up affects his personality and lifestyle. I am ready to share all these with her. No problem here!
As far as views are concerned, it depends a lot on what they are differing on. If they are differing on minor issues I think the relationship can still move on positively. However, if they have conflict regarding a serious matter it's better to solve the matter before going any further. The kids issue', in my opinion, is a serious matter and should definitely be sorted out before marriage. I think its better to discuss as many things as possible before marriage. It will reduce the possibilities of later conflicts.
Getting tested for STD is an excellent idea and we need to be practical about it. Personally, if I ever get something like AIDS I will refrain from marrying because I don't want to destroy a woman's life. I think she deserves much better. So, yes for STD test!!
As far as "is it the women's fault for ignoring the red flags a man gives,and sticking it out all in the name of love only getting hurt in the end? " is concerned, I think women are more emotional than men (Aren't they?). I think she needs to be careful about this "red signals". If she feels something is not right she should talk to her male counterpart directly and asking him what he thinks about it.
Having said all these, a true love relationship is based on mutual respect and trust for each other.
I am alright with all the issues that you have raised except the credit card one. Somehow I find it a little harsh if she is asks me about this (sorry for that!). I have some logic for that though. Before getting married, I will ensure I have a certain level of respectable (wrong adjective!) income. I will also not look for a woman who is extremely rich woman whose needs will never be fulfilled with my limited income (unless of course, if I also get very rich after completing my studies!!). Above all, true love is the most important thing more than anything else (money).
I was actually trying to avoid being judgmental, So instead of saying men should not have a problem if the women want to meet their parents I said, "If the women wants to meet my parents, I absolutely have no problems." so that people don't feel I am forcing them what they should do.
When I met my husband he was 20 and I was 19...I am not too sure what you are speaking about with the "Is It True What They Say About Men", but I can tell you one thing...I fell in love with him for who he was...The cute and so self assured jock in front of me...Dressed casual and a few drinks under his belt...It was the personality that I loved...The easy way that I found talking to him...The hot sexual feelings that I found and may I add for the first time in my life, with dancing close to him...I died for him...Other women did too...I would not have cared if he dug ditches, I would have married him...His parents made no difference...Where he lived was beyond my thoughts...As it turned out, we turned out being from other sides of where we lived...Our religion was different...but, we were in love...Love would rule...He was the only man who ever stood me up and delivered bread when he got out of service until he was able to get a good job...
Judging a man by his cover is to me about the most foolish thing that you can do...For me it is to judge him by what he does to me as a woman and the way that the two of us conversed...This same sailor of mine has now given me all in life that any woman could possibly want...Had I gone by this new rule in life I would have made the biggest mistake of my life...For I would have married the man who was going to be the resident doctor who asked me to marry him or the Russian Interpreter who graduated and asked me to be his bride....Instead I picked a nobody who in fact would be a somebody and live a life that any woman would die for.....
These are just my thoughts....but they are good thoughts....
If you properly get to know the man before even getting engaged there shouldn't be any major surprises down the road(it happens on occasion)-that's what prenuptial agreements are for-so they can't screw you over with whatever their financial status was before the marriage, if they were dishonest or hiding these things from you. And NO-there is no way to completely ensure that you won't get hurt down the road-we are constantly developing, and some at different rates, mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.People change, feelings change, situations change.You have to accept that there is no sure fire way to make sure your heart doesn't get broken. Just remember that it does get easier as time goes on and as long as you are open to love but also stay aware it will happen and it may happen several times. It has for me and I just recently found a man that I love more than I thought loving anyone was possible-it took 4 years after my divorce but I had fun in the meantime and kept my options open. Bottom line is TAKE CARE OF #1 FIRST AND FOREMOST AT ALL TIMES in a relationship (you are #1). Don't forget to relax and have fun-it's a good way to deal with just about anything.
Contary to the feelings of both many men and women, you are correct. The first date is not the time to "GRILL" anyone. Have a good time but that is it. Don't loan him your car or any money. DON'T GET INTIMATE, PERIOD!!!! Second and third date,THE SAME DEAL. By then the two of you will know each other well enough to be able to decide if you should see each other or end the relationship. THIS IS THE TIME TO LAY IT ALL ON THE LINE FOR BOTH OF YOU!!! This is your life you are making decisions about. Money, jobs, credit ratings, personal history, future hopes and goals, family history and PRIOR TO ANY SEXUAL ACTIVITY BOTH MUST BE TESTED FOR STD AS WELL AS AIDS/HIV. If he refuses anything you ask for him to do, don't walk, RUN!!away. But be fair, he must ask you to do the tasks as well. Dr.Paul Wira
The only thing all men do reliably is have penises and periodically I find that they don't even all do that.
If you're in a relationship and #1 is still you, you should probably start asking yourself what the point of being in a relationship is. Love is about looking out for someone else and being interrested in their wellbeing, sharing life together. If you're focussed on what the relationship can do for you, you have a whole other thing going on.
You should really be more concerned about the person you're getting involved with than their background check. Information like their credit score gives you very abstract snapshot info about a person. They could have very poor credit because they just bought a home or just started a business. Knowing their family's religion and social beliefs are really only relevant if your prospective partner follows them. Their family could have no influence on them whatsoever. Even finding out their criminal record gives you very little information without context of events. A lot of the things you're asking about are actually very superficial and they don't give you any kind of accurate picture of what your life with this person will be like. A lot of men with great credit scores an excellent upbringing with solid family values who want children also happen to be complete jackhats.
A prospective partner's views on religion or child-rearing are only decision making information if you're sure that both of you will hold these opinions through your courtship into marriage. However if you know that you want children and your partner is definate that they don't, or really if there is any fundamental conflict. Don't get involved. You don't have any right to expect your partner will change to suit your aims or views later in the relationship. Also be prepared that they may change their views later on to something you don't fancy. People grow and change, you cannot plan your life with someone around an opinion.
An STD screening is very relevant. That is information without context and information that won't change over the span of your courtship. However it's definately not first-date discussion. The suggestion of getting checked out togather should be had after monogamy has been established prior to beginning to have unprotected sex.
You should be very concerned about information about your partner that doesn't jive. Not pursuing a red flag because you don't want to talk about it with your partner absolutely means that you have only yourself to blame if that red flag comes back to bite you in the ass. You should be comfortable talking to the person you love about any topic and you should make sure they feel the same. However don't feel that you need to know all of these things up front. People often work too hard at disqualifying prospective partners rather than trying to get to know people and seeing how they can better your life. If you feel pressured to establish suitability for a relationship right away it may be a sign that you're rushing into relationship to recklessly and you need to re-evaluate your purpose in finding someone.
I was married for a very long time and through all relationships people grow and change a bit. That is normal. Be strong enough to bend but don't break is good advice.
I wonder if the posted question is asking about when your first going out or if youv'e gone out for awhile? That woulld be useful to know to answer this more clearly.
The only thing I want to add is that on children. Maybe it is the other person who is changing their minds but, keep in mind that if any party really desires kids, I would ask that on a first date saying of course "hypothetecicallly speaking, I don't want to scare you off. I am just making sure I am not too invested without breaching this topic." I doubt I would do it on the first date though. I agree, have fun be caustious though. For safety of all women (because men can usually take care of themselves and have stronger upper body strength) please telll a friend who you are going out with and where you are going on the first date. That way if your friend does not hear from you you have someone watching your back.
There are ways to check out men or women before the first date. Take it with a grain of salt and give them an opportunitity to state why the were arrested for fighting. Maybe they were saving someone. Maybe it was one of those days that it was not really them being them. We always have off days. Or maybe they were just there and were not involved at all. That everyone was arrested. Just be wary but, also have fun.
I have a funny to state that I don't know if it will be posted but, I will try to clean it up for you all.
I asked a couple male friends of mine who are married after hearing some guys spouting off that they wanted a "hot" lady in bed but a lady in puplic was that true.
Answer was yes, men want a woman to be a ****"hotty" in bedroom but a lady in public. So if that is really true, there is another great vast reason to telk to your partner potential.
I can say that men are lookers and women feelers. By this I mean that men falll in love for more short sighted reasons that then can run very deep. Women tend to fall in love after many dates and after making love.
Men are from mars and women are from Venus is so true.
I agree that any relationship MUST be honest. (everyone has some secrets) but, honesty in courting is crusial. On the first date of course have fun. Just not too much fun. Unless there is a STD test there and chemistry has total control over you both I advise you to wait.
How log is up to you and your date. There is no magic number.
I think you are talking about the first date. And I say, no don't go to such extreams like that on a first date. I just love the story that JaveMissus shared with us. That is true love. Love is the one thing that always wins. You will not even begin to know someone on a first date. You will scare off many men if you ask alll those questions on a first date. It sounds like you are looking to find a life long mate to marry and have kids with. So, find out what he is like before you run him off. You must remember that interviewing anyone on the first date is a real turn off. Finding common ground is really all you should be looking for on a first date a fun date. (In my opinion. That is for you wolf)
Wolf, On a side note, i don't think someone needs to state that it is in their humble opinion as this is a forum for opinions and advice. That is a given unless someone states that they read something or were told something. I will nolonger be bending to your way of seaking my opinion.) (I do find this subject totally differant than that you posted on women with small breasts. You are a hard on to understand. In this post you say to wait yet in the other post you say you always have sex with a woman on the first date. Or did I miss read that? Please email me so I understand you and your opinion more. Thank you.)
Maybe reevaluate what stage you want to ask your questions. On the first date many people are either nervious or putting their best foot forward. I think it takes quite some time to get to know the real someone. Even then we are always growing. You may want to ask before the date if the man is looking for a longterm relationship or just a date. I can say that on a rare occassion, love does happen on the first date that lasts. It is so very rare though that I say, just be you and one thing I did learn about many men is that if they are not fiughting or *plucking they just want to be held. They need a woman to do the nuturing just as women need a mans strength and protection.
We all desire someone to love with and share our lives with. I speak from many conversations, experience and education shows on relationships.
First date, just have fun.
My friend fell in love after looking for 22 years to a man on the first date. They are 7 years and going strong. struggle in this day and age yes. Could she live without him yes but, she would be going backwards because he is her rock. Thats what women want. To be cared for and to pamper their man. Men, don't make it a chore for us though. Then we don't feel like we are showing love but, that it is demanded of us and we are unappriciuated for the little silly things we do to spark the light in your eyes. Let each other grow as an individual and you will grow together too.
I wish that each person looking finds the one they are meant to be with and enjoy a long and happy life together.
There is someone out there for each of us. Bless you all in finding what you need and desire. Be flexable too.
Smile, all these people care enough to answer and state what they know or believe, so imagine what you can find out in the real world:-)
Oh, IDK why men don't speak up when they love you or are falling for you so remember that they might be interested and not say anything. Feel free to speak up. I had this happen to me a few times and one of the men I would have gone out with and we would have made a good couple. I learned years later after he had married. He is and always was my friend. I know that he was meant to be with his wife though. They are perfect together. He had to be tipsy to let it slip when I was just calling the family to say happy holiday. So, why do men do this? That is not fair to us women. Looking forward to feedback,.
Nothing said about all men is true as well as nothing said about all women is.
For the rest of your post which I find interesting, I would say you have to find a middle term. You can start a relationship by checking the guy's credit history. But you have to find out (gradually) who the guy is, in order to decide if you want to spend the life with him. Usually the boyfriend/girlfriend stage is for such discovery. Of course it isn't bullet proof and you can end up in a divorce.
There are so many different stages in any relationship. That first date may tell you that you don't want to go out with them again.
I remember being yound and how my thoughts ran with looking for the 'one'. I ended up finding my late husband when I wasn't even looking. I fell in love with him over time and it grew eeper and deeper. At first I was lusting over him for not just his great looks but, his personality.
I didn't think about his credit or anything but the moment and the next I would see or talk to him.
There are so many stages.
Just because someone has a good credit rating does not mean they are right for you either. They may be very thrifty or stingy or just have enough money to keep their credit up good but, none extra. The 'person' is with whom you must meet and either enjoy you time together to where you want to go out again to know more about them or that you have already found out that you two won't be a good match.
Iv'e had boyfriends (that I do still keep in contact with on occasion) that were really great men but, just wouln't fit my puzzle. Not the piece of the puzzle I was needing. It just wasn't enough of a perfect match. The piece was close but, just not the right one.
(I am not saying this is a game, I only used a piece of puzzle referance for obvious reasons for someone to hopefully understand what I mean.)
First dates I believe should always be in a public place. Somewhere you can talk to each other. Credit check...IMO it is going a bit far for a first date. Perhaps when you start to get to know your dater yet have not invested too much into it yet and you do see potential...(if this is so imporntant to you) but, a rating does not a person make. What they are like and stand for and how you feel together is the begining of a foundation for something long term.
It depends on what you believe in. Your likes , morals, wants and needs.
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