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Q: Is it possible that hes not gay or bi?

asked by: Rosie H on May 12th, 2009

Extremely eHealthy

Is it possible to not be gay or bi?

Ok this is a weird question. But I have to get some answers. Really out of curiosity. I just ask that men with an open mind reply. Please don’t post any comments that are negative towards bi or gay men.

Okay im a girl and I have been wondering about my hubby. I think he may be bi or bi curious. He will not admit it completely denies ever thinking that way about a man. But I beg to differ, he told me years ago (Met 6 yrs ago, friends for 1st 3 yrs) that while he was on drugs (age 15-16) that he let a man suck him off. He said he came. It some kind of deal for drugs I think. Well since then he hasn’t said anything about it. Im only asking because in the last 6 months we have been talking about what we really want and who we really are. Something we should have done long time ago but its still helping our relationship.

Anyway. I asked him if he ever wanted a man. Blah Blah. He denied it. I asked well how could you remain hard and come with another man if you weren’t bi? I mean I don’t think I could feel anything from another woman cause they just wouldn’t turn me on. IDK. Oh we also were talking about 3some fantasies. And I mentioned I would prefer a man rather than a woman. Of course he cant stomach the idea of another man. Either way it doesn’t make any difference in our relationship. I just hope that someday he can be open.

Replies(5)

Lydia32

replied on May 12th, 2009

Experienced User

I don't know if he is gay or bi, but I know people do a lot of things while on drugs. Their inhibitions go out the window. It is also not uncommon for people on drugs to prostitute themselves out for more drugs (not everyone does it, but a lot do). At the time, he probably wasn't even thinking of it as a sexual act. He was thinking about the drugs. I sincerely hope that he is clean now and all of that is behind him.

Is there anything else in his behavior or things he says that make you suspect he may be gay or bi? I'm not talking stereotypes like going to musicals and stuff like that. I mean things like do you see him looking at other men? Does he have any gay pornography on his computer? Do you have a normal sex life with him? Do you turn him on? Does he comment on how sexy you are?

I would also say that if you still suspect something, don't confront him. If he does have those feelings/thoughts, he may be confused or ashamed. Just try to be as understanding and non-judgmental as possible. If this and other things start to disrupt your relationship, couples counciling may be in order, as well.

Good luck.

homerx

replied on May 13th, 2009

Supporter

hay Rosie =)

This is how I see it and this is from a mans point of view. Take it for what its worth to you.. 4you

Men can get a hard on over a hole in the wall...over nothing but a bus ride...especially when you are young..It doesn't take anything to get erect and when your young a blow job can be just a blow job.I would believe him if he says he isn't interested in men.Why would he lie to you? If you two are in a really great honest healthy relationship then lying would be fruitless..what would be the point? Especially if he knows you don't care one way or the other..I wouldn't worry about it.If he is and you don't care then he needs to admit it,but if he isn't then I could see him being P.O.ed that you wont believe him..
In the end,a relationship between two people is a matter between those two people and no one else. Dont push the issue if it makes him uncomfortable..thats my 2 cents! inlove

Homer

Rosie H

replied on May 13th, 2009

Extremely eHealthy

thanks guys...and I have followed both of your suggestions and And our conversation ended good. No hard feelings. I think he may have been uncomfortable but I made sure to encourage him and made sure he knew I wasn’t judging him. Hey at least hes open enough to talk about it. I don’t think anyone knows about that. And yes he was really really young and Daniel was crazy back then…lol. That’s kinda why we didn’t hook up sooner. We were both just kids.

Well thanks guys and thanks for the honest point of views!

elgrande

replied on May 31st, 2009

Experienced User

He was 16 when he did that, and believe a 16 year old guy is horny all the time anything could make him cum

BDteach59

replied on June 3rd, 2009

Experienced User

Really does not sound like he is gay/bi I think the fact that he is uncomfortable about a MMF threesome is indicative of that. Sounds like the thing when he was 16 was a one time shot for drugs -- something he now regrets.

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