Hello there, let me give you some background info. I'll try my best not to bore you. I'm Jenny and I am fourteen years old. My mother and father divorced when I was very young, I was about three. Since then, my mother has remarried. I have an older brother and an older step-sister.
I believe my mother is bipolar. My family and I do everything we can to make her happy, even if it causes us stress or pain. But its for nothing, she'll find a problem in everything. My siblings and I are pretty intelligent for our generation. But I am going to a gifted highschool that is very selective and competitive. Since I've been there, I've been exposed to different culture and learned a lot about the world. This is not good, you see. My mother is a closed minded, conservative, bible thumping Christian and my artsy-ish interests do not please her. I am, thus, the target of her hatred and can do nothing about it.
I get to school at 7;30(right when they unlock the doors) and I stay till 5;30(when they close) just so I don't have to be at home. She thinks I've changed into a closed minded, ego-maniacal antichrist. I can't have a conversation with her without her telling me how much she despises me. Whats worse is that she's never, in my entire life, shown compassion. Even before I got into this school. But she's never actually hated me.
Apparently, listening to any music besides country, wearing clothes that aren't from aeropostale or abercrombie, not making straight A's, and questioning things before devoting your life to them label you as a failure. She hates me for not being her.
The worst part about this is she has mood swings. After she screams at me till i cry, she'll be laughing and smiling with the rest of my family. But these periods of happiness are fragile and shortlived. I calmly and respectively told her that I didn't want to go to church today, and she looked at me with pure disgust in her eyes. She said she couldn't believe how much of a failure I am. Took my phone(I wouldn't care too much if it didn't contain my iPod), took my posters, and makes me wear khaki pants and a white shirt to school every day.
I don't know what to do. Maybe I am what she says, maybe she's right. But I can't take this punishment anymore. Its been going on since I was little and the mental abuse is taking its toll. Please, help me. Or tell me how to change who I am so she will at least look at me again.
Though I might not understand fully what you're going through, there are a few things that I'm sure everyone who reads your story would agree on.
It isn't you. You do not have to change. Your mom obivously has issues that are not in your control. Though she might not be bi-polar, she at least finds it necessary to ignore her emotions with a facade of happiness. Perhaps the reason she wants you to wear different clothes and pretend to be something your not is that she does this every day. It's really likely that she's projecting her own insecurities on you. It's such a common thing for parents to do to their children. I'm so sorry it's happening to you.
It's really hard not being accepted by a parent. You live with them and they have inate control over your life, especially while you're still young and in high school. However, the acceptance of your parents cannot control your happiness. Everyone needs to find a source of happiness that does not rely on other people. Let's face it, people are unreliable. It probably sounds harder than it actually is, but find something that you can do to support your own happiness. Personally, my sources of happiness that only I control are art, music, and (though I'm sure you'll resent this because of the influence of your mother) my faith.
Have you told your mom how she makes you feel? What would she do if she saw this post? Just something to think about.
It isn't you.
You don't have to change.
You CAN find happiness.
Everything has happened and will happen exactly how it's supposed to.