I have been diagnosed before. I was 18 then. I am 24 now and nothing has changed. It makes me feel even more ashamed that after these years I still can't say that I am happy.
I feel angry all the time. I can't concentrate on work. I never feel like doing anything. I never have an appetite. I can't sleep peacefully. I'm always tired.
But there are reasons why I feel that way. My parents were abusive-my sister was monumentally cruel to me. She even used the fact that I tried to end my life once against me, telling the world I was just desperate for attention (of course, she did much worse as well).
I've never been in a serious relationship-every man in my life that I ever liked treated me like a sex object. The last man I was with said he didn't want to settle down with me because his famous mother wanted him to marry someone of a higher social stature- and he actually went ahead and did it.If this was just one incident in my life that would be one thing..but it wasnt. I was rejected before that for the exact same reason. I feel like I am the most worthless human being on the planet. Why wouldn't I want to kill myself. Moreover, what was the point of living this life.
At the same time, I wonder, is it my fault that I feel the way I do. Is this just self pity? If I sought medication or help, could it even help me if nothing around me will ever change, if I will always be rejected and alone?
No, depression is neither. It's an illness brought on by our own negative thoughts, usually about ourselves and our self worth and self esteem.
What you describe may be depression but it also has elements of chronic fatigue syndrome in there too. Only ne way to resolve it is to see a doctor and get a diagnosis. A GP I doubt would be capable of givng an accurate diagosis so I would suggest seeing a psychiatrist, they can be very good or very bad. Keep looking until you find a good one. That is someone who listens to you, then attempts to probe for more info and arrives at an initial diagnosis. This can change as you get to know each other better.
If you want an accurate diagnosis you must learn to be able to talk openly and honestly about yourself. The earlier the better as time drags by and these illnesses just get stronger until treated.
Treatment is usually therapy and meds or one or the other. Meds mask the symptoms for us so we can live but they don't cure illnesses. Stop a med and the problem is still there. The idea is to try therapy, if no good then try meds to get relief and feel more rational and then return to therapy.
Therapy is the only way to find long term relief as it's in digging all those hidden thoughts out and seeing that they are harmless when in the open. If kept secret, they eat us alive.
Your sister is nasty and that boyfriend just another user. Forget and ignore them.
If your parents were abusive you will expect them to do that any time. Best thing is to get away from these people and start afresh. Don't know your age but if you are old enough, leave home and have better people around you.
They say you can't pick your family. But as you grow older you certainly can. Get rid of those that want to hurt as they are not going to change.