is it bad if i dont think i have ever had an actual orgazim?

The female orgasm has been variously described as "a spreading glow", "an explosion of heat" or "a slow building of tension and a sudden release"...

Women are different from each other and their sexual response and orgasm is also different - and tends to change over time and circumstances.
For some women it is something that makes them smile and then sigh while others experience something like being in a train wreck, causing them to shudder and shake and even spasm so much they rise off the bed and take their partner with them. Others scream while a few display no outward signs at all...

Sometimes a woman who was a screamer in her twenties will be more subdued in her forties but enjoy her orgasms no less while another woman might have been quiet in her younger days but begins to be very noisy in her post-menopause orgasms...

In truth the orgasm means many different things to different people and while some writers have managed to describe their own experiences of orgasm quite well it is impossible to describe what anyone else should feel or what the experience of others should be.

Few women experience orgasm purely from being penetrated by the penis and those who do achieve orgasm during intercourse mostly do so because the clitoris happens to be positioned so it is in contact with the man's body and obtains the necessary friction from that contact.
Most women find they can only orgasm by direct stimulation of the clitoris and prefer extended foreplay and penetration is neither necessary, and in many cases, not even desirable as a part of good love-making from their point of view.

In order to discover what your orgasm is really like you need to masturbate yourself in private...