Ive just found this page and I have a question that I need to find an answer to. I have been seeing this man for about five months. I do like him very much indeed and we have a great time together but the point is that our relationship is rather complicated. For what he told me, he was in a relationship with a woman for 5 years. After 3 years she got pregnant with his baby. He told me that their relationship was a disaster and it was merely about sex, no love or anything like that. But since she got pregnant, he stayed with her and tried to make it work even though all his friends and family kept persuading him to leave her because according to them, she was no good. I donât know her but he described her as a selfish woman who doesnât care about anyone else but herself. They broke up after those 5 years when he got home one day and there was already another man with her. He said they broke up in August last year. So when I started up with him in April this year, I thought he could be over her after those 9 months. The thing that always bothered me was that he wasnât able to talk about her nicely, which leads me to the thought that he still isnât over her. Also he said that from August when they separated, they only talk about their kid and that there is nothing going on between the two of them. Anytime I asked him if he was sure he was over her, he snapped at me that he hated her and she made him sick. That was weird enough. I found some texts that they exchanged in February this year when he apparently wanted to get back with her, said he still loved her, there was rather sexual content, he asked her if she was okay with the sex she has with her new bf, she replied she wasnât and he offered to book a hotel room for the weekend and leave. First she agreed but then texted him she didnât wanna cheat on her new guy so early, told him to find a new gf and it all finished with her saying â once you have a new girl, and you feel like cheating on her, let me know. We can start seeing each other again. But now I canât do it.
What do you think I should do? I know the texts date back to when I didnât even know him but it breaks my heart that he may not be over her. And also that he lied to me. He kept those texts for half a year while there was not a single text from me. I know it is not easy for a man to admit he was or still is heartbroken but I have no idea what to think about this. PLEASE, POST ME SOME ADVICES, ANYâ¦ I will be grateful for anything. Thank you.
First let me say that I am sorry you are going through this. I am in a similar situation although I have married my partner already. There were things that I found out that he had lied to me about before we got married and I swept those things aside because I loved him. Since we've been married I,ve found out so many more lies.....the latest one involving an old ex that now claims her daughter is his. They've been talking for 2 months now (during our marriage) and he's lied about it the whole time. I don't think most men really get over the women who have their children. I know that if I wanted to get back with my exhusband he would be here in an instant. I think that either they realize those relationships wee volatile and there is a reason they are no longer together or they continually go back to the same dramatic BS. I think that if he is lying to you already there is a major problem. Although from the messages it sounds like there relationship was purely sexual. And the fact that he kept such incriminating messages from her seems like maybe he was keeping it as ammunition against her.....they don't seem like the kind you keep for sentimental purposes. I think that the way a man owns up to something like this tells alot. Did he apologize that he kept it from you or did he try and make excuses? I think if he takes responsibility for beingdishonest then you may be able to work past this......if he can't then I think there's a big red flag not to get much deeper. He obviously has some unresolved feelings there....whether it's sexual tension or real feelings he needs to first be honest with himself ad then with you....