Relationships and Marriage Forum - Is he relieving stress or cheating?

About 2 weeks ago i surprised my husband of 13 yrs ( 1st and only boyfriend) at a club dancing ( buddy dance ) with a coworker who i had never met. i walked into the club and observed for about 15-30 min he was dancing and then walked up to bar stand with her and ordered some drinks after a while i went up to him and asked if he was having a good time all he could say was tell her that i was his wife, i walked out of the club and he followed he kept insisting he didnt do anything wrong that he was there with group of coworkers which i did see there but they went to dance as a group and then left dance floor as a group. that knight she called left message on his voicemail that he just left them there and that she understood he had wife and kids and for him to call her back. still after 2 weeks he insists he didnt do anything wrong states he was drunk and doesnt even remember dancing (denies it). i feel heartbroken to see him with another girl he never kissed her or anything like that but i cant avoid feeling the way i do. im trying to forget (should i)we went out dancing of course the topic was brought up at the club then we left to a strip club and he ordered a lap dance for me i felt really uncomftable so i asked her to dance for him. he seemed to enjoy it. that doesnt seem to bother me much to see him get a lapdance. we enjoyed our knight together but know he is asking me to have a threesome. should i please him ?

Replies(6)

kdlee

replied on July 11th, 2009

Supporter

Honey I don't recommend you go any further than what you have..You are stressed over seeing him dance with another yet a lapdance didn't bother you? Now he wants a 3some.I can't help but wonder if you all are pushing your relationship over the edge..I think I would prefer someone watch porn over adding another person to the relationship..At least porn you could turn off..

You can keep your relationship hot by adding promise to your timetogether..He evidenlty likes the tease so add that to your daily time..Write him hot stories and keep him wanting you..Do what you need to do and are comfortable doing but never go past that..

Make romatic dinners and bring out the massage table and warm oils..Find and have ready the music to make love by..If a drink or two helps relax you both then go for it..The mind can do many things and can heighten sexual awareness if allowed..Best of luck to you honey..

Users who thank kdlee for this post: princessdiane

princessdiane

replied on July 12th, 2009

New User

i appreciate you taking the time to read and thank you for giving me some recommendation to help my relationship.

worrywart01

replied on July 14th, 2009

Extremely eHealthy

i agree! I say NO WAY! if you were upset w/him dancing with a coworker(which I would be as well) then having a threesome is out of the question...i dont know about you but if another woman TRIED to touch MY man..there would be an issue..and if he dont fix it..best believe I will...i would NEVER have a threesome..why does he need another woman? you should be good enough for him!

W0LF

replied on July 14th, 2009

Extremely eHealthy

Hey Princess Diane
He's not cheating. Going out for drinks and dancing with co-workers is really nothing compared to going to strip club, which both of you have done. You have trust issues and I suspect going to meet him at the club was less surprising and more snooping. You have to evaluate whether or not you have enough faith in your husband to keep your marriage working and if not you need to work with him on building trust. I say these rather critical things to point out that this is the last point in the relationship you should be considering a 3 some.

Additionally you shouldn't be doing anything in a marriage to "please him", especially not anything sexual. While compromise is important, the activities you engage in in your marriage should be things you both enjoy, otherwise you are cheating him of the bond you should be building with him

rightside

replied on July 14th, 2009

Active User, very eHealthy

This is an accident waiting to happen. It is common knowledge that most affairs happen with co-workers at work. If you saw your husband with someone he works with dancing, you have something to be worried about. That's how it starts. Just the fact that she messaged him, and now he is talking about a threesome tells you this guy is looking for something. You had better lay down the law RIGHT NOW. Because if you don't, he is going to cheat on you. He has no business cozying up to ANYONE but you, ANYWHERE!

W0LF

replied on July 20th, 2009

Extremely eHealthy

Unless your husband is a high-functioning retarded person he's not going to invite coworkers along to witness him making moves on a someone from work. It doesn't math PrincessDiane. Think about if you went out with coworkers and you spent a few minutes alone on the dance floor with a coworker and went to get something to drink and his wife or her girlfriend confronted you both and he had to chase her out of the club to put out the fire. Would you be nice enough to call and check up? Appologise if you made drama in the relationship?

If a man sees his wife seeming to enjoy a lapdance from a stripper it is encouraging that he asks if you're interrested in a threesome. It means that he's devoting brain time to your desires. If you say no and he's persistent he's being a jerk. But still not an indicator that he'll ever cheat.

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