I had posted earlier, on how depressed i got over the fact that all my close friends left to canada.. im coping with that well after the reply from a supporter.. to which im extremely thankful to. The advice really did help.
Often though, i get depressed all of a sudden, i have but one close friend now, whom i believe i cannot live without.
I am happy whenever im with him, its a brotherly connection we share. He is 2 years younger than i am, but that doesnt matter to me at all. After my other friends left, i unconsciously got closer and closer to him, as it was convenient for me to do so. I'd meet him around my neighborhood during my thought consumed and lonesome walks in the streets of the city. I'd see him at a corner, and id just sit down and talk to him. I never saw him as someone more than a friend that just comes and goes...an aquaintance, but now its just so different. What annoys me... or rather..what depresses me... is when i feel that im the one calling him to come out..i feel like im weak. I need him... he doesnt necessarily need me..he wouldnt call me much, i feel like im doing all the work. And if i lose this friend like i have done in the past, im going to be the one to feel the recoil.
Why am i so paranoid on it being a one sided attachment.. and why do i see this attachment as being one of my weaknesses. Truth is, i cant argue with myself, and am forced to believe that its a weakness. I often contemplate about it when i am alone, despite the fact that i see him every day for long hours. I hate being attached to people... and i fear it..i feel like backing off entirely from a building up a friendship because i fear being extremely attached and vulnerable... id see myself as being a pathetic person.
Thank you for your time reading this.. I hope to hear a reply soon...