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Is a family member taking advantage of me?

3 years ago, my brother and his new family moved down here to Hawaii from Los Angeles. He is 26 years old at this time. He was having a tough time up there so he decided to come down here since this is our hometown. I didn't have space in my place to house all 3 of them so I put them up in a hotel for 2 weeks while they look for a place to stay. They finally found a place that was about $1000. My brother wasn't working at the time, but he has assured me that he can afford it with the promise of the jobs he will get. I decided to put my faith in that and I put up the deposit and 1st month's rent. Several late payments and about 1.5 years later he got evicted from that place and I lost my deposit not to mention he never returned a single penny to me. He was having some marital issues and asked if he could stay at my place. He said it will just be temporary until he gets his stuff in order and he will help me with my bills as well. I was living in an apartment with my friend and his girlfriend at the time. 3 months into it, I never seen a single penny from him. My portion of the rent was $800 a month. He stayed for 2 months and gave me $200 for those 2 months. My mom was having financial issues with her situation so I had to ask my friend and his gf if it's okay for them to find other lodgings because i have to support my family. My friend was extremely understanding. Now I have my brother and my mom staying here with me. It is now going onto the 7th month with my brother and the 4th for my mom. I cover a $1600 rent per month and my brother in the 6 months he stayed gave me a total of $2100. That's about $350 a month? $350 out of the $1600 total rental cost. I never said anything for the longest time since he was my brother and I was hoping he would turn his life around, but over the past 7 months he hardly worked and he spent countless hours just using my computer and going out dancing at night. I confronted him about what he's doing and he told me that he thinks I'm actually angry about something else and I just take it out on him. I asked him what he's been doing while I've been covering all the bills and rent? I told him to stop being lazy and if he's going to act this way then he should leave. He asked me why am I paying such a high rent? We should rent a house and then there would be more space and each of us could chip in. I told him he's not chipping in now. I asked him what's the difference? Is this place not good enough for him to spend money on for rent so he refuses to chip in? Right now, he lives on welfare and uses the fact that he uses it to buy food (which is mostly going to feed his son while we watch him anyway and to feed himself as well) that it should offset what I'm doing. I told him he should leave if he's gonna act this way and he accused me of only thinking about money. Am I being taken advantage of? Thank you for your attention!
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replied January 18th, 2012
I feel your pain...but Yes you are being taken advantage of...
Yes you are, my brother is doing the same thing to me and he even moved in his girlfriend too, the only difference from me to you is that my mother just inherited a house but she has no job, so I moved in with her to help pay bills, so my brother gets kicked out by his baby mother and the battle ensues he kept his 3 kids for almost 2 months straight with no job, no money and no food, so I had to take care of 2 grown people and 3 kids with a less than 200 per week in pay. He moved in in September and now its Jan and he has a job, but now hes saying I own child support so I don't have any money to pay, he's paid me all together 150 dollars total since Sept. to my 170 per week that I payed since I moved in. I am going to give them both the final ultimatum asap. If they care about you, they would help if able. They should find cans for aluminum recycling, odd jobs what ever it takes to give U something weekly not monthly, too much time between pay dates will only allow them to not have money when its time to pay, don't be ran over. I know the feeling and you just have to be brash about. If they were staying else where, please t believe the "white man" wants his money and wouldn't hesitate to kick them out, you have to be a "white man" in your home, take control of leaking expenses like no driving my car without gas money, introduce a contract on paper so that they know your serious and that you won't mind taking them to small claims court if not paid. Taking those drastic measures should scare someone to either find a job or if they are really guilty and don't care, they'll just get out. Your brother's son has a mother or grandmother, suggest that his son needs to stay with either until he (your brother)gets off his feet to slow food charges, the more people at home all day, the more your bills will be, get everybody moving, like tell them to go somewhere when you leave the house. That will reduce electricity usage and food usage a lot. But the final point is just start getting real because they don't understand that your life got real the day they moved in... facebook me /jordanwhite252
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replied September 13th, 2012
Extremely eHealthy
Without any doubt you are being used and taken advantage of.

Those who play the "relative" card in order to sponge off people for an easy life aren't worth being related to...
This guy has been extracting the urine from you for far too long and he is making a monkey out of you.

Probably the mistake you made was not formalising things from the beginning - when dealing with friends or relatives it is most important to make such arrangements into something formal so there is no room for misunderstandings...

I strongly suggest you lay a written agreement before him detailing the conditions, rent (include the details of all the back rent he owes including that deposit) and any rules you want kept and ask him to sign it...
Include also the timescale he will have to vacate if he defaults.

Make sure if he is leaving that he leaves with only what is his and then change all the locks...

One day he might be a rich man and be worth sueing for the money but listing everything should help in cases of any future lapses of memory...

He either signs or out he goes...
If he signs and doesn't pay then out he goes...
And you should have a clear conscience!

You have to look after number one first, including your sanity - if you aren't in tip-top condition you will be no use to anyone AND it will be cheaper and less stressful to be a caring sister by willingly buying him some groceries each month or giving him a small hand-out than have him sponging the lion's share of your rent each month while cluttering your place and using you as a free child-minder!

If your brother cannot or will not see that and comply willingly he isn't worth calling "brother"...
It is a simple courtesy for someone who is down on his luck to respect the space and the wishes of the person granting the favours and the more closely related they are the more of a personal insult it is to be taken advantage of!

Good luck!
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