Intelligent being or mental disorder ?

..not sure on how to start this,but ah, i can hardly speak in front of many people, or even to another person, i have this thought that they are noticing every words that i say,.and i also have this condition that i fantasize things like i think i'm greater being than any other guys there but when i see people who i know are really good, i felt down and piety myself..i have a habit to think things that i can't explain, i look at things negatively, it compromise my productivity,.. sometimes i'm happy but i easily get down,. i'm very concern of what others might say behind me..sometimes when i try to explain things in my mind, i feel like i'm smarter than anyone else when i'm successful, but when i failed to answer all those questions in my mind, it feels like being stupid/fool..i am also observant to those people around me,i'm observing if they are doing the right thing,but i'm not telling them..i'm irritated by someone who says something about me as if he/she knows me,especially when he/she says something that i know i'm not..i easily feel bad if i see people who are unfortunate, or those who are in poverty anything like that..i also have lots of dreams/aspirations, such as being a lawyer, doctor, soldier..but i feel lazy and become hopeless when they tell me that i can only be one if i will study hard for years..i also want to write poems,songs, speeches, essays,.though i can hardly finish.. but when it comes to oral expression, i can't speak out what's on my mind even if i know i have an idea..sometimes i ask myself,am i an intelligent being or do i have a mental disorder?i hope anyone could help me clear things out for me..that's all for now..