Some nights I do not want to fall asleep in fear of having some sort of terror attack, and some nights I just cannot fall asleep no matter how hard I try. I have been dealing with this in minor for a few years now. I watch a lot of horror movies and then become paranoid of those movies. I honestly cannot stop watching though. I am 22 years old and deathly afraid of the dark. My first problem is that I cannot fall asleep without the television on, which forces me to watch until five or six am. I honestly am so afraid to fall asleep and within the past year, it has progressively gotten worse.
It is difficult for me to tell real life from dreams sometimes because I am so paranoid. I cannot be home alone and leave every light on in my house when I am. I will not go near dark doorways or shower alone in my own home, in fear that some sort of "monster" will attack me. When I am driving late at night, I feel like zombies are chasing me and I have to drive to the next town in order to save myself. I remember the feeling of those attacks while I am falling asleep, and they follow me when i am falling asleep. For the record, I am completely sane and live a normal life other than this paranoid feeling.
I feel like I have some sort of attack while I am sleeping. For years I have been able to recall almost every dream that I have, every night. Most of the time they are not bad dreams but when they are, I know it - and they really have been occurring more often. Sometimes I feel like I am being attacked, or choked, and sometimes someone is shaking me. I try to scream for someone but I feel like I cannot move or make a noise at all. I know that my eyes are open the time that it is happening because when I wake up, they are really dry and I realize that what I was seeing was really my pillow, or wall, or something. This attack feels like it is lasting for hours, but when I look at the time, I would have only been sleeping for 20 min to a half hour.
Another dream that I have often is of zombies attacking me. Sounds typical. I play a game in my dream and my 'mission' is to save myself and no one else. I hide in peoples attics with other refugees until we are attacked. I am the only person that can fly, and to control my flying I have to breathe differently. To go higher, my body literally has to breathe deep and hold my breath, and to go lower, I release that air.
I typically feel tired during the day and skip school so I can sleep when it is light outside. I drink a cup of coffee everyday while at school. All I need to know is if I can deal with this on my own or if I really do need to see someone about this. It is really embarrassing and I feel like a five year old screaming for daddy every night.
The reason why I am posting this is I am looking to move out soon and I will most likely be living on my own. I really want to live alone, however I am so paranoid that I am afraid that I will not be able to.