HIV and AIDS Forum - infected boyfriend ?

I'm an 18yr old from Florida and Ive been sexually active since I was 10. I have had sex with 30 men most unprotected. I was also severly into drugs, alchohol and had little to no self worth. About a year and a half ago I suffered from depression/anxiety. At the time I thought it was the worst thing that could ever happen to me, but i soon became grateful for it. I met my boyfriend of a year and a half and he is the most wonderful man. He pushed me to get my GED and I am now going to COLLEGE! a Few years ago my only goals were to get high. Me and him have had sex, many many times unprotected. Every so often i will get soar throats or weird things will just pop up on my body regularly. I dont have swollen lymph nodes (i dont think, although I dont know what they are really). I have been getting severe headaches within the past couple months and I get really really neausea if i sit at home for too long. My boyfriend got tested for HIV 3 months after we had first has intercourse (becuase I was too chicken to get one done) and it came out negative. My life is finally going in the path that I always wanted it to, and I'm scared that because of my ignorance as a child, I may have ruined my life. I'm not so much scared or worried for myself... I'm worried about him. Because he loves me so much when we find out we are HIV positive (which i know we are) he will know that I did this to him. I don't EVER want to hurt him, as many guys i have hurt in my life, he is one that i never want to hurt in anyway. I love him...
I got an HIV test done 3 days ago and I have to wait 3 weeks to get the results back. I am so scared about that moment when I look at those results and they say positive. What am I going to say to him? How will he even be able to look at me, knowing that I killed him. I'm sorry for writing this on a support forum, but I have noone else to tell... Please God, save me from the inevitable and give me a second chance

Replies(4)

homerx

replied on July 23rd, 2008

Moderator

My dear, HIV is no longer a death sentence. I have had it for many years and know people who have had it for over 2 decades!! So until you know dont worry and even if you are there are steps you can take to have a very long and productive life...and lessons have been learned I hope. respect

and remember, there are many many other STDs that you should test for, HIV is not the only sexually transmitted disease out there. Harpies, venereal disease and HPV are all very physically challenging so you should get tested for all STDS and don't just focus on HIV with your background. I am glad you are growing up and getting a second chance to improve your life and make it meaningful. You will be fine as long as you follow your doctors orders even if you test . Good Luck.

trying2live

replied on July 24th, 2008

New User

I've gotten tested for every other type of STD and they all came back negative. I know that people with HIV can live full heathly lives. And I think that if i was by myself (not in a relationship) I could find the courage to deal with it. But, I just dont want to have to live with the fact that I infected him. He is a good guy, smart and funny... and I dont ever want to do anything to hurt him. I already know that deep in my heart I am positive. I think about it day and night and cry about it at least 3 times a day. I just want him to be negative! PLEASE GOD!

homerx

replied on July 24th, 2008

Moderator

I know what you are saying. I feel the same way. If i could take back things and turn back time I would. But we cant,sweetheart. Dont let it overwhelm you. You have to be strong in case the tests come back and you are going to have to deal with this. Some how, I think your negative for HIV...just a gut feeling. So don't count your chickens before they hatch...it isn't the end of the movie just yet, things can get better for you. Believe.

kiklis2k

replied on August 6th, 2008

Experienced User

THINKING POSITIVE

DEAR FRIEND

THINKING THAT YOU ARE POSITIVE IS ONE EMOTIONAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL ASPECT AND BEING POSITIVE IS ANOTHER PRACTICAL ASPECT.

OUT OF THE 1000'S WHO THINK POSITIVE, ONLY A FEW ARE ... NOT ALL

MANY WHO HAVE BEEN WITH RISKY LIFE STYLE ESCAPE, AND MANY WHO JUST MADE A MILLION DOLLAR MISTAKE..ONCE.. JUST ONCE..GOT CAUGHT.

SO U CANt BE ASSURED OF ANYTHING UNTIL UR RESULTS COME . MAKE SURE U TEST AND BE DOUBLE ASSURED.

MAY GOD BE WITH YOU. I WILL REMEMBER YOU IN MY PRAYERS

GOD BLESS YOU

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