in love with brother in-law...HELP!!! Posted: 03-12-08 02:02am
Well let me try to explain myself the
bestest way i can i had post this topic in
truobled & abbusive relationships and had
not seen this forum but im glad i did
anyway:
i got married with a guy when i was 13 yrs
old. He was 24 yrs old. I had a lot of
problems in my house my mom was always
violent with us never let us have friends
it was 2003 and i still didnt know what a
c.d. player was in chicago...anyway i fell
sooo in love with this guy that honestly
respected me always never made me do
things i didnt want to do and always
listended to me i left with him and a year
later i had my first child i was 14 yrs
old. It was very hard because he didnt
have a good job to support us but then he
got a good job he worked from 5:00 a.m. in
the morning to 7:00 p.m. and when he
finally would get home he wanted to sleep
and since i got married my teen friends
mothers didnt let them talk to me and my
parents stopped talking tome for a couple
of years and i had no one to talk to my
brother in law lived with us so i would
talk to him about my day and anything that
would trouble me when my boyfriend wouldnt
go to work instead of talking to me or
even asking me how i feel he would just
want to have sex and i sometimes didnt
want to and if i didnt want to hed ague
with me that maybe i was cheating on him
or why else would i not want to have sex
with him so i would give in and after whe
had sex i would cry and he would go see
t.v and leave me criying and i would run
with my brother in law criying and he
would hug me by the way he is just 4 years
older than me my boyfriend always was to
tired to talk with me never had time for
me and when i would set up something
romantic and buy a new baby-doll for him
he would be too tired to be with me and i
would go over and let out my feelings with
his brother and he always knew how to make
my tears go away and make me laugh when i
would finally creep back inside to my room
my hubby was already asleep and i would
cry a little more because i felt i had no
one some time passeed and i started
feeling something for my brother in law
but i didnt quite know what it was until
he got a girlfriend and brought her home
so i could meet her when i saw him kissing
her i suddenly felt jeuleous(dont know how
to spell that) i went to my room to cry
meanwhile i heard them make love next door
to me i was sobbing real bad they left and
i cried some more my boyfriend was always
working and i had no friends i gained some
wheight and felt lonely ver lonely until i
got fed up with this situation and finally
had the guts to tell my brother in law
what i felt for him and one day i got up
real early and waited for him to come out
of his room and when he did i told him
thank u for being there for me when i most
need it he said ure welcome and i suddenly
felt the urge to kiss him so i did he
corresponded to my kiss i didnt know if he
felt the same way i did for me but then
sudenly i felt bad and pushed him away
from me and ran into my room he went to
work without saying a word to me and i
cried and felt miserrable the whole day my
hubby got home early that day and was very
happy because he had opened my first bank
account but i felt so guilty and told him
about the kiss and told me it was my fault
not his brothers and told me he would
forgive me but didnt want me near his
brother whe still lived together but whe
wouldnt speak to each other i was 14 my
baby was 4 months old time passed and i
turned 16 and got pregnant of my second
child and cried because i wanted to finish
school but my husband frecuantly had sex
w/me w/out protection because it didnt
make him feel "man enough" and i cried a
lot because i didnt have no ones love or
help by the time i had my second baby
he(my b.in law) had gotten together with a
girl and i was devastated but i knew he
had to make his life and i had to go on
with mine but when my baby turned 5 months
old my brother in law came one day real
early to the house and told me he couldnt
fake what he was feeling no more and
thought he was in love with me this was
more than twoo years after that one kiss
but i decided that whe could be friends so
he came every day early after my hubby
left for work and whe would talk like the
old days of how his life is what are his
dreams in life what he likes what he
doesnt the same for me he would always
make me laugh and i adored everything
about him whe where made to be sown
together finally after a month of talking
and two years of having feelings for this
man i decided i was ready to take this
step of making love to him i had never
been to happy of making love to someone
because i didnt make love with my husband
he was always too rough and never treated
me or touched me with love...... I still
remember that look in his eyes(brother in
law) he said he didnt want to obligate me
to do nothing i didnt want to but i said
shhh.... And without words whe made love
to eachother that day for the first time i
felt love real love i was so happy every
inch of my body felt happines, fulfilment
and i was so surprised as to how it just
takes one person for me to feel soo loved
and in peace but i felt guilt after i saw
my husband that day and couldnt be quite
and i told him what had happened he again
forgave me but told me to loose contact
with his brother and i did again i was so
mad and frustrated he had a baby with his
wife and i cried because i would of loved
to be the one to have given him a baby a
year has pased since that day and i feel
my loove for him stronger than ever my
boyfriend in these past two years has
beaten me cheatded on me for a whole year
with a nother woman and has a daughter
with her and oh my god i feel so trapped
and sad i love him(brother in law) so much
and want to be happy with him... I have
suffered a lot with my husband he rapes me
a lot and i feel miserable my brother in
law came to talk with me a couple of days
ago and as soon as i saw him i felt peace
i opened the door with such rush and
hugged him so tight he told me he is so
sorry for being such a coward and letting
me be hurt this way that he loves me and
doesnt care no more about what ppl say if
they critiziz he just wants us to be happy
and he doesnt care if i have children that
he loves them very much i told him i
really have to think about this because it
will be a big change for my children and
for me i told my husband and i am ready
but how do i handle all my emotions my
feelings for such change what do i tell my
children will it all be o.k and settled
some day? I know at first it will take a
while for my children to adjust to this
new change and i will always have them
halve ther father i will never change that
or make them call my new husband daddy i
really need advice i feel so naive and
worried and confused hellp me please thank
you so so much !!!
Xoxoxoxopeace and lovexoxoxoxoxoxox
|
Galaxy
Supporter
Joined: 15 Mar 2006 Posts: 514 Location: U.K,
Thanks: 5
Thanked:0
Posted: 03-20-08 17:54pm
Could you rephrase the question,
hippiechik, but this time try to keep it
to about 100 words? I think the length of
it maybe put a few people off!
By the way, I didn't know you could get
married at 13!
|
Truth_serum
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Mar 2008 Posts: 23 Location: Oxon Hill , MD
Posted: 03-21-08 10:35am
Why did your parents allow you to move in
with a 24 year old @ the age of 13? Is
this a part of your culture, or religion?
You have referred to him as your hubby,
then you refer to him as your boyfriend
which title does he hold?
No man should ever rape, cheat, or
mistreat you. You deserve someone who
respects you, You have to follow your
heart. But at the same time you no longer
can live for you, you are living for your
children. Your sole responsiblity is your
children,your children come first. Think
about how they will feel when they get
older, and the remorse they will feel
towards you.
|
Truth_serum
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Mar 2008 Posts: 23 Location: Oxon Hill , MD
Posted: 03-21-08 10:36am
Why did your parents allow you to move in
with a 24 year old @ the age of 13? Is
this a part of your culture, or religion?
You have referred to him as your hubby,
then you refer to him as your boyfriend
which title does he hold?
No man should ever rape, cheat, or
mistreat you. You deserve someone who
respects you, You have to follow your
heart. But at the same time you no longer
can live for you, you are living for your
children. Your sole responsiblity is your
children,your children come first. Think
about how they will feel when they get
older, and the remorse they will feel
towards you.
|
hippiechik1819
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Mar 2008 Posts: 10
Posted: 03-25-08 08:51am
sorry if its too long but i couldnt leave
out the details that probably were
probably going to be asked anyways and
thank you for support and taking time to
read my problem and he is my boyfriend to
you guys and my husband in my religion i
have not yet married him legally but to
ppl not from our religion we are
boyfriends.
|
Larlen
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Jul 2007 Posts: 71 Location: New York, United States
Posted: 03-25-08 09:08am
Why did you always go back and tell your
husband?
|
Rosie H
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2007 Posts: 1160 Location: Phoenix, AZ, USA
Thanks: 18
Thanked:9
Posted: 03-25-08 11:02am
If you arent legally married then I would
leave him. I say this mostly because he
has hurt you and you love someone else.
How old are you now? I guess you would be
about 16 or 17 maybe. Can you leave with
your brother in law? How old is your
brother in law? He must be of age and
maybe he can support you and your kids.
But what would your husband do if he found
out that you were leaving him for his
brother? I dont really know what to tell
you cause you have to be the one to make
the decision. But I grew up seeing my mom
abused, beat, and raped by my stepdad for
14 years of my life. I wanted to kill him.
What I am syaing is that I saw my mom go
through that and me and my other siblings
have never quite gotten over the abuse. My
brother suffers from post traumatic stress
disorder and still has dreams of my mom
getting hurt. Hes 19 now. Your kids
deserve to see their mom happy and safe.
The previous poster is right, your kids
are number one. Yes they can still have a
father but they do not need to see their
mom hurt.
With all that aside you need to ask
yourself how you will support you and your
kids. Will you work or will your brother
in law work and take care of you guys. Is
there a chance your husband will go basurk
and take his kids or hurt you really bad.
What about your parents? Technically they
still have power over you until you are
18. Where will you live? The reason I am
asking you this is because you need to
have a plan if you are going to leave your
husband. You need to make sure that you
have a way out. There are tons of
organizaitons for battered women and their
kids. They can help you get your own life.
I dont mean to be harsh and ask so many
questions. I just hope you dont suffer
longer than you have to. You were a child
getting into this marriage and you really
didnt get to have your own life, I wish
the best for you and your kids. PLease
keep posting or pm me anytime you want to.
I would love to help anyway I can.
By the way what religion are you? Cause
that could definatley get in the way of
you leaving.....
|
hippiechik1819
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Mar 2008 Posts: 10
Posted: 03-27-08 09:56am
thanks to everyone who reads my post and
types down some advice for me and ROSIE
H:i am currently 18 years old and i know
my age is no obsticle for me anymore it
used to be a lot because i would think
:who is going to give a 13 year old a job
but now i can work and if my husband wil
go busark when i tell him ...he wont
because he knows already u see i told him
some weeks ago how i really feel and he
always compares his brother to him and
tells me how naive his brother is that he
wont love my children like he does and
then he beggs me not to leave in front of
the babies to give him one more chance he
cries and all of that makes me feel like
the bad one because i am always the one
who talks about us leaving eachother and
then another thing before i got together
with him he was an alcoholic for 2 years
sincew hes been with me he (that i know
of)has drank 3 times and has got drunk 1
time wich was the time he beat me up for
sleeping with his brother ,it has really
been tough because i am not afraid of him
(my boyfriend) its just that he moves my
inner feelings for him and that is what
makes me stay...he told me(my
boyfriend):you see you do feel something
for me or other wise you would of just
left me without caring ,youll see its just
a fase what u feel for my brother with
time youll love me again- what he doesnt
understand is that if i care about him its
because hes my babys' father and i may
not love him but i do care about
him.....eventhough he took away in a sence
my childhood my teen years i dont hate him
i sort of feel like sorry for him but it
was very hard to let go of my barbie dolls
and instead clean a house and cook not
knowing anything i left with him thinking
it was like in the fairy tales that whe
would live happily ever after i wanted to
go out with my friends but i had to be
with my "husband"i would cry a lot because
i was very dissapointed in what "love"was
but when i met his brother i knew what
love was what real love was he makes me
feel so special just by the way he looks
at me i know this is love because i have
been feeling this way for him for the past
4 years and many times i try to forget him
but i cant i can fake i dont love him but
it would be in vain because it comes right
back up to the surface ,i know that i will
have problems like any toher marriage but
i know we both can move on and i first
want to study because my "husband"doesnt
let me study, and finish my G.E.D and
have something that makes me proud
something that makes me feel
independent.... i really feel stuck i dont
know what to do my boyfriend told me to
give him another chance and he has been
really different with me and my children
he is really sweet with me and he gives me
more trust in going out with my friends by
myself but will he stay like this and i
think to much and hve been thinking what
if he really stays like this and i leave
him to go with his brother and his brother
turns out bad i know im going to feel so
tupid i probably think so inmature but
all i want is to be happy and for once noy
fake a smile.
|
hippiechik1819
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Mar 2008 Posts: 10
larlen Posted: 03-27-08 10:01am
if i went back and always told him was
because after doing watever it wasi did i
would see my children and think of
everything my "husband"has given me i felt
like an ungrateful person,wich is why i
would always tell him and also because i
thought i could forget his brother but i
cant i know that already.
