In-laws causing stress (from a husband)

Yes..you read it correct..unlike most of the posts in this forum..i am a husband and a father of two writing this post..
First of all, both my wife and I are Indian living in Chicago..As some of you maybe aware, typical Indian families view marriage as a marriage between families and not individuals...So be it..We have been married for almost 11 years and yes, it was an arranged marriage..not in a sense you are used to..our parents were introduced to each other by a common friend..i met my future wife while in grad school and we agreed to our marriage..absolutely no pressure from parents..we got married in 3 months.....We now have a 4yr old son and a 2 yr old daughter..
Both of us are extremely attached to our respective parents..However in the span of the last 10 yrs, my dad passed away 5 yrs ago and my mom passed away last year..During the last 5 years, things got prettty heated up..My mother and my mother-in-law(MIL) and her mother (my wife's grandmother) visited us during early 07...One thing led to another and there were some heated arguments ...naturally being the son, I got the whole take from my mother that they were ganging up on her when I was at work...my wife is much more progressive and would stay away from these mindless arguments...since then my wife and I had numerous arguments..each taking the side of their respective families..During mid 07, my in-laws then decide to move in with us for good..then 3 months later during late 07, i had an outburst with my MIL when she intervened in an argument between my wife and I and in the distraction that ensued when my MIL was watching over my toddler son who was then 1.5, he fell off the top of the table..I had the choicest words for my MIL..within a month, they purchased another house across the street...things have been ok since then between my wife and I but i know my wife to this day blames me for kicking her parents out of our house..Since then her parents are us meet quite often, but we are superficial enough to put up a front and not create a scene..I try to control my temper in the presence of kids..my wife and i have had numerous fights since then always when the kids are asleep..once to the point that she slapped me in the face which sent me reeling on the floor..ofcourse, i would never raise a hand against a woman but i held her wrists really tight to stop being further hit...that whole incident left us with pangs of guilt about our behaviors, we both decided to let bygones be bygones and that very night had the most amazing sex..but that was a year ago...now we have sex maybe once in 2 months..my inlaws have since moved to New York and visit their house across the street occassionally to meet with the grandchildren..every time they do, we end up fighting... MIL still calls my wife everyday sometimes as late as 10 at night...i have decided to keep my distance from my in-laws but my wife sees that as disrespecting them...my take on that is that last year when my mother visited us, my wife completely ignored her presence in the house because of what happened during her visit the year before...my MIL and her mother have brainwashed my wife about how bad my mother was to her, etc...now that my mother had passed away, we still use some foul words on each other's parents...the other day, my FIL refused to talk to me when we were having dinner at his place..he for some reason thought I disrespected him..God knows..when they grow old, they are senile..I held on to my patience and that night took the kids and the wife to our place...he would not even say goodbye to me ...so next morning I told my wife that her father was an a**hole..she called my deceased mom a b**ch...so u know how ridiculous our fights are...my wife has sworn off sex for me, I am guessing for the rest of our married life just so that she can get back to me...I am waiting for our kids to be grown up...maybe in another 20 years when our kids are settled, we will go our separate ways and find more compatible partners...
Anybody out there who was patient enough to read the whole story, what did I as a husband do wrong? Any advice on making things better for our kids...