in law issues

My husband was raised by his grandmother who is a very nice woman. His aunt who is in her late 50's seems to control the grandmother. The Grandmother lives comfortably in an affluent area. The aunt although married ( in Nevada) is always down in California, she in fact has never moved out of her mother's house.

Our house was hit by an ambulance a few yrs ago and we are in the midst of having to sue the responsible parties for the damages. This has cost us a lot of money.

My parents live on the east coast and have through out our marriage been extremely supportive emotionally and unexpectedly financially. The y have done so unsolicited.

We recently needed to pay a large unexpected legal retainer, and our Schwab check is taking weeks to come in, so my husband asked for a loan and arranged a payment plan with his grandmother.

While my husband was in the bathroom the aunt grabbed the check ripped it up and accused me of being a con and the only reason we visit the grandmother is for cash, etc. She also screamed that she has always hated me, called me a lot of really horrible things, and stated that I was no one and that if her mother was going to help some one it was her. She is threatening to file bankruptcy which of course she is on the grandmothers accts,( she has never worked a day in her life) We are concerned about this as we think her hold on the grandmother and financial ties and never being in Nevada with her husband is a form of elder abuse.

Her rants of that evening to me and my husband were just insane, and she has been painting us as ugly to the neighbors and the like. The relationship is not repairable at this point. We do worry about his grandmother, but also realize that she has allowed and created the monster that his aunt is.

We feel that distance is for the best but the grandmother is in for surgery this week, which of course the aunt is still here. Thus making a visit unless to a public place unlikely. THis aunt has also had the same screaming/violent incident with a different family member...

My husband is in a very difficult situation, he loves his grandmother but just can't deal with the aunt instability. Any ideas? any one? All our family members have said she is projecting her flaws when she violently rages.This doesn't help us.