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Mental Health > Depression Forum > In a relationship with someone who is depressed
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Q: In a relationship with someone who is depressed
asked by: Triton330 on June 17th, 2009
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I have been in a relationship with a woman who has been diagnosed with clinical depression for the last year and a half. Bi-Polar also runs in her family. She had extremely low self image and self esteem when we first got together, which wasnt helped by the men she dated who would call her down, and treat her poorly. She stopped taking her medication years ago, and recently she started she decided that we needed a break. In that time, she started wearing twice as much makeup, and spends way more money on herself, and has become quite conceited. She started to play some head games with me, and I wasnt sure what to do, so I told her I think it wouldd be best if we didnt have contact for awhile, until she got everything straightened out. In that time she was been very up and down, writing facebook notes about how I screwed everything up, and about how she could never love me again. Im a very chill guy, and I came to her, saying that my descision was probably the wrong one, and that maybe we should be friends, she started crying, and got very upset, and told me that she loved me so much, and that she was just so scared, because I was "the one". She just wanted some freedom in between, because she feels she hasnt fully lived her life, and doesnt want to miss out on everything, and that she was jealous of the life I had lived. But that she wants to get back together with me, because she doesnt want to lose me. I do truly love this girl, but I want her to be happy. I live 4 hours away from her right now, and Im kind of worried. She is drinking everynight, to the point where she is wasted, and hungover the next morning, and never spends any time by herself, she is always keeping herself occupied. And when she isnt, she is upset. Im not sure what the best thing to do is in this situation, any advice would be very helpful. Thank you.
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ServiceU
replied on June 18th, 2009
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i was dignosed with clinical depression, i used to take prozac and see a therapist. i m managing my depression very well, and it is good to stay busy when your always depressed.
you ex probably bashed you on facebook because you broke it off with her.
but i also been in a relationship with someone who was confused, and he dragged me through the mud for five years. i was confused about how he felt because he were both raised in church they teach us that if you want to sleep with someone you should marry, not spread your seed around to the whole world.
i would never tell someone to get back with a person who is confused. you get back with her and when things seems boring to her mind may wonder off.
i think you should move on, she has issues she has to sort out, if you get back with her then her issues will be weight on your shoulders.
let her live her life. if you want to be her friend, you should tell her to stop drinking.
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shehwear
replied on November 19th, 2009
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I agree with what Service U said. She seems self-destructive. Don't get back in a relationship with her. Friendship will give you the leeway, however, to provide support without getting involved. Just set some limits and boundaries beforehand, and make sure she is understands them.
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Herman01
replied 12 hours and 59 minutes ago
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There is good evidence that couple therapy can help when one of the partners is depressed.
Herman, http://www.cognitivetherapybasics.com
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